Financial Help

I would sit down with her and kindly ask her if she still planned on contributing as she had previously offered. I would add in there that she is under no obligation to help, but that in the event that she still wishes to help what would she like to help with.

I would just say hey we are working on our budget before we start booking major vendors, I know you mentioned possibly contributing in the past and was just wondering where you stood on that so we can move forward with planning what we can afford.

Money can always be an awkward topic to bring up. I would start by sharing any preliminary plans you and FH have with her. Then, you can bring up that you're so grateful she has mentioned helping with the finances and ask what she is comfortable helping with. It would be helpful if you already have a budget in mind, that way if she asks you can share. Maybe she's willing to split the cost, maybe throw some money in, maybe cover the cost of specific items, but this will also allow her to have a feel for what to expect and what's realistic for her.

I would have your FH approach her about it. Just say “I know you’ve mentioned several times that you’d like to help us financially with our wedding. We are working on our budget and would like to know how you would prefer to contribute. Is there a specific aspect you’d like to take care of?”

View Quoted Comment I agree with this approach. I would leave it up to FH to discuss with his mom.

"I know you've talked about helping some with the wedding financially and we are so grateful. Just wanted to know what that number is so we can plug it into our budget sheet."

Sit down with FH and his mom and tell her your appreciate her offering to help but now that you are planning you need a better idea of how she wants to help or how much financially she wants to contribute.

You just have to ask. She has offered, it’s not ungrateful ! Simple, straightforward, direct. Money talk is always gonna feel a little uncomfortable in our culture, but if it’s on the table, it’s fair to push for exact details.


My parents kept offering with “we’d like to help!”s and “let us know if you need us to write a check for something!” and even once we had a conversation where all parents were involved and offering and they kind of suggested we could just give them items to pay for (ie like: Dj, flowers, etc) ...but even that is impossible without a budget! I can’t just assign you flowers and find out what I have in mind to get and what you have in mind to spend are not aligned. We did this song and dance for a while, and it was getting complicated because I didn’t know exactly how to plan! When we went to pay our caterers a deposit (after some hemming and hawing we decided to go with them no matter the outside financial contributions) I was talking to my mom and she again said “let me know if you need a check” and I was just kind of like “lol it’s a REALLY big check, I’m not sure if it’s the kind of check you want to sign up for” and that let to a series of silly back and forth where she finally revealed that the in fact had a very specific number that they had in a specific account specifically for this moment!! Boy did I feel silly about all that run around. My lesson learned for my next life: don’t waste that time— quick easy direct before you can even start stressing it—
“Hi, we know you’ve said you’re willing to help, but we’re not sure what exactly that entails. We’re of course delighted with anything, even just the thought means the world to us. But we're wondering if you have a specific number in mind when you talk about contributing?”

As some of the other girls have said - I think it’s best for your FH to have a conversation with her. But, instead of asking which items she’d like to contribute to - I’d have him ask what amount she’d like to contribute & use the “we are planning out our budget” reason. And, set up a plan on how & when you’ll get the money.


I feel so blessed that my future in laws handled it the way they did. Shortly after getting engaged, they called us and said they want to contribute $10k to our wedding. Spend it how you want. We will send checks to you until it’s all paid off.
I think that having them pay for certain aspects of the wedding (DJ, Flowers. Etc.) could lead to more frustration and problems...for the reason someone mentioned above.