Finances

I wouldn’t say nowadays it’s tradition for the families to pay. Usually it falls on the couple and if the family wants to contribute something they can offer.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree with this.

Yeah, I agree with Kelly. You plan the wedding you can afford. If your families want to contribute, they will offer. The tradition of parents paying for weddings is from an era when people got married at 18 straight out of high school with no money. That and weddings were significantly cheaper (even factoring in inflation).

You know your family best. If you think sitting them down and asking them for help is the way to go, do that.

It’s rude to ask for $. Your wedding, your responsibility. Plan the celebration you and your FI can afford. If your parents offer to help then that’s another story.

I would not ask save up have a small wedding.

We’re paying on our own wedding. But I don’t think it’s far-fetched for some couples to ask their parents. Inform them of the total you already saved for the wedding and then humbly ask if they’d be open to assisting by gifting you the fee for a specific vendor or 2. But be ready with the vendor(s) info and the total cost. Also be ready if they say no.

It is your own responsibility to pay for your own marriage. If each parent offers to help, fine. But if they do not offer, clearly, you do not ask. You have the wedding you can afford now, or wait until you have saved up more money. We had to work 60-70 hour weeks a long while to save up, just out of school. That's life.

Thank you so much for all of your input on this topic!

If they’ve offered to help then just ask! If they haven’t offered or brought it up then it is rude to expect them to contribute.

My grandparents are paying for the majority of the wedding but FH wanted his dad to contribute too. His parents are divorced and his mom just passed away in Feb.

FH decided to just go to his dad and say "Hey, Haley's grandparents are paying for every except the venue, which her parents are paying for. Is there anything you felt you wanted to contribute to?" and he said "Sure just give us something and we'll pay" so we sent him the total for the videographer and asked if that was too much or if it was ok. He sent a check and paid it immediately, but he did ask that we find someone else to pay for the rehearsal dinner since he spent $2,500 on this, and traditionally I think the groom's parents pay for that. No problem!

FH stepdad has already asked how he can contribute, and I know he doesn't have much $ so I might just ask him to contribute something random, I haven't decided yet.

My parents are divorced and I recently had this conversation with them. When I brought up money I let them know that they were not obligated to give me any but that if they were planning on it to let me know so I can add it to my budget or tell them what they can pay for. Luckily even though my parents are divorced they are still close so I told them to decide together how much money they would give me so that they didn't feel like they were competing.

If your parents aren't close or don't get along you should talk to them separately. If they start asking about what the other parent is giving keep it vague so that it doesn't start drama between them.