Fil's split cost of Sil's wedding — are we okay to ask for help?

No, you never ask for money. Your in-laws' priorities are all skewed. But that doesn't mean the two of you are entitled to their money.

There’s no polite way to ask someone to pay for your wedding. If they want to contribute, they’ll offer.

I would say maybe wait a little while to see if they offer and if not, depending on the relationships it may be ok for your fiancé to ask his parents if they’re willing to contribute. Not in a demanding or expectant way at all of course, maybe just a “we’re working on putting together a budget for the wedding... just wondering, were you planning to contribute at all? Absolutely no pressure, but we are just trying to figure out what we can afford so it would help to know one way or another.”


In most situations it is rude to “ask” for money, and it’s ALWAYS rude to “expect” it, but depending on his relationship with his parents I think it could be ok to just ask if they’re planning to or not. My husband said something like that to his dad when we were planning our wedding... my father in law is kind of an out-of-it person lol so he never would’ve offered to contribute—not for lack of wanting to, but just for lack of thinking to offer lol. When my husband asked him he was like “oh of course! And I bet your grandfather would want to help too, let me talk to him about it!” and they both ended up happily contributing a few thousand. So for us it was definitely better to ask 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you should wait for them to offer. Parents aren't obligated to contribute towards their children's wedding, regardless if they've dont it in the past for other children.

I would definitely say wait until they offer. While they contributed to his siblings weddings, it doesn't mean they are required to contribute to his. It definitely sucks that he feels like the black sheep it is ultimately their money and they can decide what they want to do with it. Since they haven't offered at this point, then I would plan as if they aren't going to pay for anything and if they offer down the line then you will have extra money to use towards something else. The only people respond for paying for your wedding are you and your fiance.

I think you should wait for them to offer. It seems they are set in their old fashioned beliefs, so a) they probably won't offer and b) would be annoyed and/or offended if you asked. Depending on his relationship with them (you mentioned he's seen as the black sheep?) he may be able to ask for contributions, but ultimately I'd say you're better off not asking.

If it were me, I wouldn't ask.