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Savvy October 2019

fil wants to add 30 people to guest list

Evelyn, on August 13, 2019 at 11:14 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

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Sorry for the rant/word vomit thats about to happen, but tell me if I’m being rational... my wedding is two months away and today my fiancé came to me and told me that his father wants to add all of my fiancé’s cousins to the guest list. Invitations are going out in a couple of days and he wants to add 30 people to the guest list.

He said his father said that it would be great if everyone could be together, because lots of his cousins live out of state and don’t get to see each other very often. My fiance has 6 siblings (he’s the youngest) and his dad would like for the older cousins to be able to see the older siblings that they grew up with, etc. Personally, I don’t think that our wedding should be used as a sort of family reunion. It sounds to me like that is what he is trying to do. He says that he will pay for any extra food or extra expenses that adding the cousins on will make, but I don’t know if it is worth it. I don’t want my wedding to turn into some big family reunion for them. (Not to be selfish, but its kind of our wedding day.)

My fiancé also says that he has not seen many of his cousins in multiple years. I think that if you haven’t seen someone in over a year, you shouldnt invite them to your wedding. I think it’s ridiculous to invite someone who you really don’t even know to your wedding. Not to mention, lots of his siblings and cousins got together earlier this year for a funeral.

What really bothers me, is that his dad waited this long to say that he wanted to invite his cousins. If he had told me three or four months ago (even two months ago, maybe), I may have been able to work something out. I already ordered the cake, told the caterer a rough estimate of how many guests will attend, etc.

So I’m thinking of telling my fiancé that if he wants to invite a few of his in-town cousins, he can. However, I am going to tell him that he can’t invite every single one of his cousins. I only invited a handful of my cousins, so he can pick a handful as well if he would like to.

Do I sound crazy, or are you with me?

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Ceelie , on August 14, 2019 at 2:07 PM

Devoted September 2020
I_Do_Too · on August 13, 2019 at 11:40 PM
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When people look back they will think that they were all together at your wedding. I dont think the attention will be taken off of you. Even if you invite 30
people, will they all show up with this short notice?
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Savvy October 2019
Evelyn · on August 13, 2019 at 11:46 PM
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To be honest, I’m not really worried about a lack of attention. (I’m actually not looking forward to the attention.) I’m just worried that my wedding will turn from a somewhat intimate occasion into a large extended family gathering. Plus, I don’t want to have to meet 30 new people on my wedding day. That’s true though, what you said about people remembering being together.
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Super July 2020
D · on August 14, 2019 at 12:03 AM
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I don't know. I guess it's kind of how you want to view it. Family reunion or family celebration. And like PP said how many would actually be able to make it? If FFIL is offering to pay the difference then I would let FH decide.
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VIP October 2020
Ingrid · on August 14, 2019 at 12:04 AM
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I think it's your day and I would try to find a compromise with your fiance not his father. Adding that many people will definitely add to the total cost, not just food. But decorations, cake, favors, etc. Maybe come up with a number and give that to your fiance and talk about it, also explaining your thoughts on why you don't necessarily want them at your wedding.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on August 14, 2019 at 12:05 AM
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What does your FH think about it? I absolutely wouldn’t add 30 people to my guest list 2 months before my wedding, but his opinion needs to be taken into account. I would tell your FFIL to save his money and host a family reunion instead.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 14, 2019 at 12:07 AM
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I see your point because I definitely was miffed with my husband for inviting people that he didn't even talk to for 2-3 years ! But at the same time your fil is willing to pay for it and it sounds like it might be nice for your fiance to have that reunion.

I mean honestly after my wedding i actually found it to be nice that he invited them because they got to reconnect and they traveled all the way there to celebrate.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on August 14, 2019 at 12:46 AM
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I’m with you! So close to the wedding, I’d be irritated even if his parents offered to pay. Hard no for me.

Can you suggest a “cake & punch” reception a month later his family can host and invite whomever they wish? That way you can keep your wedding the size it is and not explode with these last-minute changes.
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on August 14, 2019 at 3:52 AM
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I think every family is different. So I don’t think you should say it’s ridiculous cause everyone is different. I invited my cousins who I have not seen in a few years. So did my fiancé. How does your fiancé feel about this? Does he want them there? If he wants them there I think you need to come up with a compromise.
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Savvy October 2019
Evelyn · on August 14, 2019 at 7:31 AM
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Thanks everyone! We came up with a compromise. He’s not going to invite all of them, but will pick a few to add to the guest list, as we don’t have enough invitations for all of them anyway.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on August 14, 2019 at 8:34 AM
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I think that it is nice that your FIL is offering to pay the extra expenses instead of inviting and not offering, but I can also understand the added stress. If it was me and I cut some cousins off my list and now we’re adding 30 extra cousins from my FH’s side, I’d be kind of annoyed. I also understand where you’re coming from with not wanting it to be a family reunion. A similar situation happened at my FSIL’s wedding a few months ago. Her husband, whose family it was, even said he didn’t think that their wedding day was an appropriate day for a family reunion. But on the other hand, my whole family really only gets together for weddings or funerals. So there is a lot of conditions to weigh. If you’ve already given your final numbers to the caterer and venue however, and there is no budging room, every one will have to accept that.
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Expert October 2019
Heather · on August 14, 2019 at 11:19 AM
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You can’t tell him to invite some cousins and not others. That’s beyond rude. It’s all or none. But I agree with you that it’s a bit late in the game to add 30 people to your guest list. I would make the exact argument you’ve said here. This isn’t a family reunion on your dime, you’ve (likely) already got your invitations, and probably wouldn’t be able to order more in time.
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Devoted October 2019
Lara · on August 14, 2019 at 12:20 PM
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That is crazy rude of him. This is your wedding celebrated with the people you and your FH care about - it's not a reunion. If they dont have a connection to you two, then there is no real reason for them to be there.
I would ask that he pay for them. (unless it's no problem for you to and you dont mind if they're there)
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Lady · on August 14, 2019 at 1:40 PM
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This really wouldn't bother me assuming my venue had the space, we had the budget and invites hadn't gone out yet. If your FI wants them there, your FIL offered to pay, and you have the space I do think you're being kind of selfish not including them. It's going to be your family too soon.
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Expert August 2019
Ceelie · on August 14, 2019 at 2:07 PM
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Personally I don't really see a problem with it if he pays and there's room. I don't think 30 extra people is going to effect how much cake you need. Yes he should've asked ahead of time, but it's pretty rude to pick and choose cousins (especially if they know eachother.)
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