Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Dedicated October 2020

fil issue

Lisa, on August 13, 2019 at 4:44 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 25

Saved

Flag
Hide content

So. My husband got a call today from my FIL. My FIL said he got our invitation, went to Staples, bought paper that resembled our invitation, and printed more invitations. We got our invitations from Minted. He used these new invitations to invite more of his friends to our wedding. My husband told him that this was not ok at all and way out of line. We did not give his dad a limit on how many people he can invite, but we did tell him that if we ran out of invitations: that's it. No more people. His dad said what's done is done. The only thing his dad is paying for is the band. We allowed him to invite plenty of his family and friends (even his mechanic) which made our guest list skyrocket to over 300.

Do I have the right to be livid? Do I have the right to tell him to uninvited these people or else pay for them? What do I do?

Flag
Hide content

25 Comments

Latest activity by Melle, on August 14, 2019 at 10:56 AM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on August 13, 2019 at 4:47 PM
Flag

Hide content
Not only would I be livid, I would be hiring security and making sure no one but the guests you and your FH invited would be allowed in. I wouldn’t even give FIL the opportunity to pay for his guests. He uninvites them or they get turned away at the wedding. This is a huge overstep and if you allow it, it’ll set a precedent for any future issues.
- Reply
Expert August 2019
Ceelie · on August 13, 2019 at 4:49 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wouldn't turn away anyone who arrives at the wedding.. whether you invited them or he did. That's terrible. But I would definitely give him a limit if you don't know how many copies he made. I'd be upset but if he pays for the extra amount of people then I don't think it'll be a huge issue as long as it's not like an extra 100 people.
- Reply
Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on August 13, 2019 at 4:50 PM
Flag

Hide content
You do have the right to be livid. I would have your FH handle the situation since it’s his family. He needs to tell his father that these extra guests will be turned down at the door and he should probably go ahead and handle it now to save himself the embarrassment.
- Reply
Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 13, 2019 at 4:51 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would tell your fiance to talk to his father, and tell him every person he invited that wasn't on your guest list originally he needs to call and apologize and tell them it was his mistake, but they aren't invited. I'd be prepared for him not to pay for the band after this though. If you don't want to do this, I'd get the entire list of who he invited and tell him the per person cost he needs to pay in addition to the band.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on August 13, 2019 at 4:51 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I'm with you on telling him to uninvited them, but theres no way he will I think. But I will try.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on August 13, 2019 at 4:51 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Did I mention its $170 per person lol?
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on August 13, 2019 at 4:52 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
That's exactly what I am afraid he will do. Send the band away
- Reply
Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 13, 2019 at 4:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Can you allocate other funds towards the band if you guys have to pay for it? If you can't afford the band, I assume you can't afford him adding extra guests.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on August 13, 2019 at 4:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
You're right. My husband will have another talk with him. Hes just trying to figure out how to show him why hes in the wrong.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on August 13, 2019 at 4:55 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Unfortunately, no. It was his wedding gift to us. We are paying for everything else. We'll figure something out if it comes to that.
- Reply
Expert September 2021
Dayna · on August 13, 2019 at 4:56 PM
Flag

Hide content
He copied your wedding invitations and handed them out himself??? I would be so livid. People put a lot of effort into planning their guest lists, and later into making seating charts, and its definitely weird to have complete strangers there (especially a lot of them) on your wedding day and to have other people choosing your guest list. At a minimum I think you should require that he pays for any per head cost associate with the extra people (catering, bar, chair/table rentals). Really, they should be uninvited but you'll have to decide how hard you are willing to come down on that. Its too late now, but I think it would have been best from the beginning to set a hard limit for him or sit down with him and discuss the guest list together.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on August 13, 2019 at 5:02 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would love to uninvite them, but that would cause a huge rift between my husband, his dad, and myself. I'm beating myself up on not giving him a hard limit in the first place.
- Reply
Devoted September 2019
Sara · on August 13, 2019 at 6:13 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
You did. Your hard limit was the invitations you sent out.

Him making more invites is beyond rude. Unfathomable. My jaw dropped when I read that.
- Reply
VIP May 2020
Destiny · on August 13, 2019 at 6:24 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would be pi$$ed! He would totaly be responsible for paying the 170 per extra person PLUS the extra for added tables chaors linnes plates and all that stuff plus ehat thwy drink at the bar! Im so mad for you!
- Reply
VIP October 2020
Kelly · on August 13, 2019 at 6:28 PM
Flag

Hide content
The father in law would be uninvited from my wedding with his guests! Especially at $170 a head! Tell your fiance to find a way to fix this and get an apology.
- Reply
Devoted June 2021
Marcus & Marlisa · on August 13, 2019 at 6:48 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would be COMPLETELY upset! I honestly would make him pay for those people over your limit or simply have them turned away at the door. I think that was very inconsiderate of him and your money. I'm struggling trying to pay for a 200 people wedding so I can only imagine the cost for 300+. Sorry you have to go thru this. I agree with one of the other comments, stop this behavior now before he gets too comfortable doing things like this
- Reply
Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 13, 2019 at 8:15 PM
Flag

Hide content
You have every right to be livid! What FIL did was so rude and never okay. I would firmly tell him he needs to call up his friends and uninvite them. He got you into this mess, so he better get busy with those phone calls.
I got so angry just reading this post. I'm rooting for you!
- Reply
Dedicated May 2021
Meghan · on August 13, 2019 at 8:57 PM
Flag

Hide content
Oh wow. That's a little over the top for him to do. Weddings are not cheap. If hes okay with paying the extra money for all of HIS invites guests, then fine. But that's a little ridiculous. Its not his wedding.
- Reply
Super August 2020
Anna · on August 13, 2019 at 9:27 PM
Flag

Hide content
Wow. This is actually insane. I'm really sorry you are dealing with this.
I'm shook.
I don't even know what advice to give- but I do think your fiancee needs to handle this STAT.
- Reply

Devoted September 2020
Anna · on August 13, 2019 at 10:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
This is exactly why neither set of parents is allowed to invite anyone.
- Reply