fil acting worse than mil

Ur spouse should stand up for you...

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We've talked about it already as the post says and I've just always been a strong headed and independent person so I'd rather speak up, I guess..

Oh that part wasnt in there when i first read it...if hes not comfortable with you standing up to them , then just ignore it since theres really nothing you can do then..i know i would be livid and probably end up saying something anyways but thats just me !

I have been in a couple of situations with my in laws before the wedding. On the day we picked up our wedding bands, his parents came because they were holding onto them. When I told them our plan of having my nephew carry them down the aisle, MIL immediately jumped down my throat with, "No, no, no, no, no! A five year old is not carrying these rings down the eisle!" I was PISSED. J said nothing. I calmy told her that this was what we both wanted and it was between me and him. Then I dropped the subject and we peacefully said our goodbyes. The whole time, all I could think about was 'this is the one thing J and I paid for ourselves and is therefore the one decision we have complete control over and she wants to take it away? How dare she!'

We got into the car and I looked at him and said, "What the eff was that!" I immediately called my own mother and vented to her in the car. She was not happy with the situation either, but said that she was glad I shut myself up before things escalated further. She reminded me of the importance of "shalom b'bayit" (Hebrew for "peace in the house") and keeping peaceful relationships between our family members. She told me that the reason why J didn't stand up to her is probobly because he wasn't raised that way. (In my parents' house, it's the opposite. As she reminded me, us kids have always called her out on her you-know-what whenever she was in the wrong and she has always been okay with that. Lol!) She said that "good sons of mothers make great husbands."

After talking to his brother and then his mother, J worked it out and we stuck to the original plan. BIL held the rings before the ceremony. Before walking down the isle, he handed the rings in the box to our RB. RB carefully and diligently walked down the aisle with two outstreched hands holding the ring box with the rings in full view. My sister and BIL met him at the end of the isle; she took the ring I gave to J and he took the ring J gave to me. Prior to telling MIL of this plan, we had presented the idea to our rabbi who is my cousin-in-law and the father of our RB and asked him teach RB what to do and practice ring responsibility with him. I'm sure that helped as well.

I totally agree that FH needs to stand up for you. I'm sorry, but it's a major red flag if he refuses to defend you. Your FFIL's comments were really rude and uncalled for. I'm sorry you had to sit through all that!

I don’t care how “shy” your FH is, if he’s not able to be himself in front of his parents and you AND stand up for you, it sounds like he’s not mature enough for marriage. If he does/says nothing, his parents will think he agrees with their treatment of you and that’s not ok. If you do stand up for yourself (which I would do too), they’ll paint you as the bossy controlling DIL. Trust me, I’ve been there! If you don’t present a United front on this, it will only get worse.

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I agree. He needs to suck it up and stand up to his father. THat is ridiculous that he would say those things. Either he sticks up for you/your relationship or you don't visit his family anymore. As simple as that.