Fighting

I'm so sorry to hear. i hope your kitty gets better!

we have had fights but they never got so out of hand that i regretted anything i've said.

i think what's important is being able to give each other some space and time to collect oneself and cool off. sometimes we can say things in such heat of the moment.

hope things start looking up for ya!

If its a heated fight, I go upstairs and he stays downstairs and we text everything to each other and I won’t go downstairs until we settle down with our emotions or come to a resolution. This gives us a chance to not scream or interrupt or talk over each other, we think about what we say more before we text it, and it gives us a chance to fully hear each other out. All of this wedding stuff is sooo stressful and financially challenging. Just know that your love for each other is what counts. Good luck!

We don’t argue much. But yesterday I tried to talk to him about something important and he reacted very poorly and then I started crying. For me it works to just stay away from him for a while, like go to Starbucks or sit on the porch and read a book. Go about regular chores and be objectively nice to each other until I feel better. When you’re together a long time and have been through a lot, remember this too shall pass.

Awwwww im sorry about your kitty. However fighting is normal in a relationship , its normal in a MARRIAGE. You both are stress and during these time it's not easy. We try not to go to bed mad with eachother and still after 5 years of being married we still try talking things out. I know things will work out this is just for the moment

Crying helps! And someone saying they’re sorry first. Then talking & hugging. You guys are under a LOT of stress. Be kind to yourselves and each other.


Any chance your kitty has stress illness? When we were planning (last 30 days which was the worst), our female kitty got 3 bladder infections. After $1K of tests no results, vet determined it was from our wedding stress & DIY boxes/decor everywhere. She also started neurologic licking so we had to play with her more to distract her. Fortunately, no more bladder infections after our wedding. Pets feel our stress (like kids).

I’m sorry you’re so stressed and I hope your kitty is okay ☹️. For us, we hardly ever fight, maybe once a year. When we do fight though, I usually need some space so I’ll go out for a drive or sit in a room with the door shut while he’s in another room. When we are both more calmed down we will sit and talk everything out and just listen to each other. If you can sit and discuss what’s bothering you it will make all the difference because sometimes it is just that...stress. And sometimes neither person is right or wrong. You just needed to understand each other from where you both are standing. Best of luck, I hope all works out for you ❤️.

Honestly, I’ve fought more with my mom over planning the wedding then I have with FH.. that said though, we hardly ever argue in general.. we are very open with each other in our feelings (especially me because I can cry over just about anything! 😂). As for stress, I totally feel you on that! I feel like just in these 6 months of the year so far everything that could happen or go wrong has happened and has gone wrong! We just spend about $600 on our dog because he got sick, my FH’s grandfathers health is not great so we visited him in the beginning of the year, they are getting ready to bring hospice in soon so we are going back to visit him, Covid-19 happened and my hours at work got lessened, miscommunication with a bridesmaid who is my SIL already, I just found out yesterday that my MOH’s dress has been discontinued.. I came into 2020 feeling all positive and now I’m just always stressed 😥 but of course life happens and we can only handle the obstacles the best we can and just grow from there 💙

I have to stop and regroup otherwise I’m 😈 Evil! Usually it’s me and I need to decide if I’m just arguing about that or just jerk customers. Is it worth to fight over?

I understand, my FH and I have had a lot of fights lately because of all the craziness in the world and stress. We pretty much have to give each other space. I am usually the one with the loud voice while he is the calmer one. We usually have to just give each other space so we can calm down and then when we are ready we will talk it out. It’s just a very stressful time for everyone at the moment but we try our best. 2020 has been the worst year ever.

View Quoted Comment That's a great idea and great way to communicate when speaking is too difficult.

I'm so sorry your kitty is sick! I hope she gets better soon!

DH and I do have some pretty intense spats, but we try to find the underlying reason for them. Sometimes it helps to put it aside and revisit a day or two later, when we've both had time to think and reflect.

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat! Sick pets get to me; it's just so sad!

I'm a firm believer that fighting is normal and any couple who says they never fight is probably lying. Fights are terrible, but they happen. We normally just go until one of us feels we will say something we'll regret or that we're just circling. Then we just stop and go about our days until we've calmed down enough to have a reasonable conversation that's logic-driven and not emotion-driven. The worst fights take two of these "cool down periods." Something that helps us is using "I" statements. So if you disagree with something, don't yell "that's a lie!" Instead try "I don't remember it happening that way." This is just an example, but in my experience, using "I" statements keeps things from escalating faster because you're expressing your opinion, rather than stating it as fact, so it isn't as accusatory.

I'm about to do this for my FH, step daughter, and myself:

Put a whiteboard on the fridge and each of us will have a space that says "Today I feel: ___ " and one below it saying "What I need: ___ ".

It's hard sometimes to tell if another person is sad, stressed, or angry. So for example, mine will likely say "today I feel: overwhelmed" and "what I need: some quiet time and a hug".

Everyone handles stress differently and it's easy to misinterpret things. So I think this will be really helpful. When my FH gets really stressed from work, he gets more snippy about stuff, which causes me to act defensive and get angry. But really, all he needed the whole time was for me to calmly ask him what I could to help and push him to take at least 30 mins to unwind and zone out for a bit.

Yes, fighting is normal in relationships sometimes. Being physically aggressive is never okay but having escalated disagreements, especially during the beginning stages of a relationship change is so normal. Don't worry. Fight to communicate more and work through it. I've learned to listen more, speak less and work to understand my partners needs before getting mine met. My fiance' and I are house hunting and he really wants to move to a city I'm totally in disagreement with. We fought about it everyday. When I finally said "OK" and agreed to support him, no matter what decision he made, the arguments finally stopped. This isn't going to always happen but work to accomodate his needs and maybe he'll see your behaviors and work to understand you better as well.