Fighting too much...how do you stop?

I would sit down and have a deep conversation about what is causing the fighting. You are going to have trials and tribs during your marriage so best to figure out now how to resolve them best. If it is the wedding then I suggest scale back. How important is a huge day in regards to your happiness?

View Quoted Comment That’s a good idea. I tho k it’s not so much the wedding as it is the uncertainty about our life afterwards. Like in regards to careers and housing. We know what we want but we can’t secure it now.

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You two have time and life is unpredictable so jobs and housing will come. Is the fighting that more is spent on the wedding than saving?

Have you gone for pre marital counseling? It may help you learn how to listen to each other and get to the bottom of what is going on.

View Quoted Comment No not really. Just more like we’re getting on each other’s nerves all the time. I don’t know.

View Quoted Comment No. I have thought about suggesting it but it would be difficult since we live in different states. He’s in school

Honestly, I don't think this is healthy or normal. Communication needs to be healthy before marriage or you run the risk of it getting worse. We don't ever really fight. We bicker a bit and then talk it out and move on. We combined our finances and immediately combined our bills, budget spreadsheet, etc. We went over everything together, so there were no surprises or anything. He hates dealing with bills and budgets so he asked me to just give him an allowance and I handle the bills 😂. But I really recommend you guys seek help before marriage.

You’re not alone girl, my FH and I are having more “tiffs” than normal and it’s because of all the money being spent on our wedding. We are trying to also buy a house so money’s a little tight so it’s hard to justify spending thousands of dollars for 1 day vs a house for a life time.


We have a budget and a plan, and I just think at times when we actually look at the amount money being spent we get into “tiffs” because it’s overwhelming for both of us.
Keep ya head up girl, this is normal, just make sure you guys are having conversations about how you’re feeling and what you want and if you think you need it, get some outside help (counseling) it could really help you guys not “tiff” so much ❤️

I don’t have any advice for you. I have the same problem with my fiancé, but he’s very easy going and eventually do things that make me happy. If your relationship is different, have a talk with him. He might be stressed out about the whole wedding thing.

View Quoted Comment I would talk about this as you don't want to start a marriage this way.

Kenny and I do have a lot more tension than we use to. One way we get our relationship back on track is taking moments where we aren't allowed to talk about the bad stuff. We create a safe space like the bedroom. We aren't allowed to argue in there.

We didn't fight a lot but I did feel like we needed a break from wedding planning so every now and then we would have days we don't do anything wedding related and just go out on a date

I would look into pre marital counseling!

I haven't really noticed an increase in fighting, but I highly suggest pre-marital counseling.

Wedding planning is a HUGE stressor, along with money. We've had a couple fights over the wedding just because of me nagging him to get things done or him seeing what we're actually spending and thinking it's ridiculous. But we've always been good at taking a deep breath (sometimes you just need to go for a walk, clear your head, and come back with a better mindset) and coming back to the conversation and approaching it differently and reaching an end conclusion.

We are big talkers, so my advice is to sit down and have a candid conversation. Is he worried about money? Maybe you can come to a compromise on certain things to reduce the cost of the wedding. Or maybe one of you picks up a second job. Is it just fear of the future? Having an honest conversation about expectations and your general future is a very healthy thing!

Good luck to you! I hope it all works out and you can get back to a fun relationship

I'll agree with PP on talking and pre-marital counseling. I would also suggest date nights and nights/days of no wedding talk. My FH and I went to Orlando the other weekend, and we did zero wedding talk. It was peaceful and amazing! Take a break when you can, then go back into it with an open mind and calm thinking.

I hope it works out for you, and you're able to find the fun and peace you need!

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There are apps and services out there now where you can speak to a counselor or therapist on a video call on your phone, if need be. Maybe you could set up a video conference for that sort of thing? It would be worth looking into. One of the things my FH and I have learned is that we had no idea that we weren't listening to each other very well. It took a neutral third party to help us see that we weren't speaking the same language. We're doing much better now, that we have learned how to communicate more effectively. A lot less arguing!

Yes... almost 6.5 years worth of fights. We are currently in marriage counseling because we are committed to each other and want to work on better communication

Fighting is normal as long as it is healthy. Bickering and getting on each others nerves is also normal. There's absolutely no way to be with the same person day in and day out without getting on each other's nerves sometimes. That being said, you have to make sure your arguments get you on the same page and make sure your solutions are obtainable not just for yourself but for your SO as well. Always make sure you are fighting fair and logically. If you are arguing about something like finances make sure you guys understand each other's point and come up with a solution together. Wedding are expensive and can definitely be a cause for extra fighting. Like everything in life its important to budget and sometimes make sacrifices. Also remember you dont HAVE to share finances. I have a general idea of how much my SO has saved, spends, and makes (same for him with mine) but I also have my own bank account where I can spend my own money without me feeling like he's watching every little dollar I spend, not to say I hide what I spend however he also doesn't ask me either. It takes a lot of stress off me and the relationship and we just figure out payments whether its evenly or i pay and he pays (and vice versa). If theres no underlying issues (like one of you actually don't want to get married) I have a strong feeling you guys with get through this. There's also nothing wrong with counseling as well if needed.

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You might be able to do skype or facetime -type pre-marital counseling depending on which states you both are in. I think you could use BetterHelp for that or if you have some kind of Teledoc app through your insurance.