Fiance's mother died yesterday

Is it an option to move the date a few weeks? I would think a funeral would happen by next week or the following, and her might not be able to do both so close together. I understand your feelings though. I honestly don’t know when it would be a great time to bring it up. When you do, just ask him if he wants to move forward with the date or postpone. This is a tough spot to be in. So sorry for y’all loss.

I would call the location that the elopement is taking place and let them know the situation. I'm sure a death in the family (especially a parent), would allow a refund or postponement. I would give him time to plan the funeral and time with his family then let him bring up the elopement. Sorry for the loss.

I agree with PP. most places should be empathetic to your situation and perhaps you can postpone a few more weeks. I’m so sorry that you guys are going through this but you need to support him 100% in whatever way he needs it right now. Things will all work out the way they are suppose to. Keep your spirits positive.

I AM SO SORRY.

My dad died unexpectedly halfway through my final semester in college and it was rough, and then my mom was diagnosed with cancer 10 days before our original wedding date (we had postponed due to Covid) so at the last minute we eloped so she could be there with us. I cannot imagine what your FH must be going through right now.

I will say, if you and he still want to marry, do it. I would kind of think of it as his mom probably expected it and was so excited for it, and going through with it honors her memory in a way, because its something she wanted and would make her happy, and the love you share and commitment you have for one another is beautiful to honor especially during a time of grieving and loss.

I also think its appropriate to ask if he still wants to get married on the day you planned - just wait a few days first. You can inquire about moving the date now if you want to with the venue, just so you know what the options are when you bring it up to him in a couple days time. As long as you frame it as a zero pressure situation - one where you support whatever he feels comfortable with, I think having that conversation with him will be important. I wouldn't assume one way or another - that he wants to still do it or that he wants to postpone or cancel - so I think its a conversation you need to have with him.

Everyone handles grief differently (well most people go through similar stages of grieving, but they look different and happen at different rates). For me, whenever I have been in a really bad place one of the best things for me is to do something normal, or something I was looking forward to, something I enjoy. It doesn't take away the pain, but it provides a brief reminder that pain is not constant and healing can and will happen over time. My aunt died this fall and my cousins were extra looking forward to my wedding because they felt they needed something good to look forward to. Your wedding could be the beautiful light in a really dark period, for him and possibly others - that evidence that life and love do go on.

I am so sorry you are both going through this.

My condolences to you and your fiancé

View Quoted Comment Thank you, ladies. Honestly. I'm sure I'm not the only bride who'se been pushed to the max. We're already long distance. We spent 3 months apart because of COVID. Now that we're finally able to be back together and he had his job temporarily relocate him here, this happens. I don't want to appear selfish. Our wedding is in 2 weeks and I can't imagine even mentioning our wedding during this time. I wonder if he even remembers. We're also in the process of buying a home; looking at homes with the realtor. This is just crazy. I love him and can only support him 100% without making it about me.

I’m sorry, deaths are hard especially when you have to watch someone you love go through it. I am sure that when your wedding day arrives he will be overjoyed that he is marrying you, although there will be obvious sadness about his mom. Many people are able to experience joy and sadness at the same time but if you are feeling like he really cant do it, try explaining it to the venue. Many are making exceptions right now that they never would normally due to Covid. Also you can try to find a way to incorporate a memory of his mom into the wedding

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I agree with PPs, this is an extenuating circumstance, so I would think the venue would work with you. Don't worry about picking a new date right now, just advise them of why your postponing and ask if they can hold your deposit and apply it to a new date after the funeral is worked out.

::hugs::

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Thanks for the virtual hug, Kerin! I'm certain they can postpone the date until he's ready. I think the biggest thing is being sensitive to his emotions and time needed for bereavement without asking of too much or forcing anything on him that may be too much. He's doing so well for it to be the 2nd day. I'm just going to leave everything the way he left it and sit back and wait patiently.

Oh I am sorry for your loss and praying for you and your FH. I would call the venue and explain the situation. Tell them you don’t want to cancel but you need to postpone and at this time you are unsure until all the funeral arrangements have been made.


And sometimes you have to throw in a little sass by saying, “surely you understand that it would be impossible for my fiancé to attend a wedding and funeral in the same week let alone the same month. So I am hoping you understand and can accommodate us in this very difficult and unforeseen circumstance.”
This is a tough space to be in and one of many times that will test your relationship. I think you already answered your own concerns and the best thing you can do is support support support. Unfortunately your wedding may not happen when you want it to however reframing the negative to a positive, it can still happen!!! Giving you the biggest virtual hug ever! 🥰🥰

I'm so sorry you two are having to go through this. Losing someone you love unexpectedly is incredibly jarring and gut-wrenching (I lost my brother to a massive heart attack in his sleep 8 years ago, when he was only 34).

I would do two things, first confirm that the venue is willing to let you reschedule under the circumstances, find out the next available dates and when they need you to decide by.

Then ask your fiance what he wants to do, and let him know that postponing is 100% an option as long as you let the venue know by X date. It's entirely possible he may want to move ahead, but at least you can make his choice simple and hopefully hassle free, but I do think you let it be his choice.

View Quoted Comment Thanks, Kathatine. What's difficult is I'm fighting now showing my selfish emotions in all of this. COVID kept us separated for 3 months! Now he's here and as soon as he got here this happened. We only got 4 days togethet when we were house hunting and just having together time. I wonder if he even wants 6o get married anymore. He said "I feel time stopped and I just want to go silent". I'm devastated bc I hope he didn't mean silent from me. I just dropped him off at the airport to be with his family and I'm heartbroken.

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Thank you, Renee. You said it best "one of many times that will test your relationship". This feels like such a test; it feels as if every time we take 2 steps forward, we're taking 10 steps backward. You also mentioned "your wedding may not happen when you want it to". You're absolutely right. When you're planning your wedding, you don't ever think a pandemic can happen and you certainly don't consider death. Thank you for your kinds words of encouragement and support.

My condolences.


My husbands dad died 2 years before our wedding. I remember it like it was yesterday. He was trying to get a hold of his dad so we could plan our Michigan family trip we had to go to. But, he never responded the whole week, which was already unusual. So, on Thursday he got a call from the apt complex asking if they could enter the apt because some of his co workers were worried. He decided to drive the 1.5 hours to his dads place after work and.. yeah.
His mom and brother flew to Cali the next day, super early. I went to pick them up from the airport and drove them 1.5 hours to the dads apt. I tried to be as supportive as I could. I asked them to share stories of all for the good memories they had. They started smiling more when they had funny stories. That same weekend we cleaned out the apt, and I drove home every day that to take care of our house and dog. I booked their hotel rooms because I knew they were busy and so overwhelmed. I brought food when I could as well.
It’s definitely been rough, but being there for him when he needs a shoulder to cry on or to listen to the funny stories has helped. It was a changing point in our relationship and we’ve grown from it. Just be there for him because all he needs is you to be his rock. Going back to normal and focusing on work helped my husband, but I know things are a little difficult because of covid.
Sidebar: we were supposed to go to Michigan because his uncle (dads younger brother) was dying from cancer. His dad passed Thursday and his uncle Friday. Not to sound morbid, but a month before our wedding (2 years after his dads death) his last uncle passed away (his dads older brother). Crazy.

I'm so sorry! This must be so hard for you both.

I agree with the PPs. Call the venue, say, "death in the family" and see what they can do.

Also, do absolutely talk with your FH. Mention that you are calling the venue, see what he says, and just remind him that you love him and you'll get through this together - and married, somehow.

*hugs*

View Quoted Comment Andrea, oh my word! That's rough! I can't even imagine how your husband felt/feels now. I love how you mentioned you did what you could to support and help out. My fiance' will never ask for help so I'm going to try to be very supportive from a distance so he's not overwhelmed.

View Quoted Comment Great advice, Rebecca. I'm going to go ahead and PP and wait a few days after the funeral potentitally to bring it up.

View Quoted Comment I know it hurts when he thinks about it, but all he can do is make sure he’s healthy. Apparently his grandpa also died young. It’s sad because his grandma buried all of her kids already. Your fiancé won’t ever ask for help, mine didn’t. Just be there for him because he will need someone to talk to or just listen to. Sometimes talking about my job helped him think about something else. I know mine forgot to eat sometimes, so I was thinking ahead daily, anticipating what he might need that he wasn’t aware he wanted or needed.


Are you traveling to see him a few days after his flight?

I am so sorry for your loss. I would go ahead and speak to the place they will more than likely work with you. The sooner you know your options the better you will feel for not knowing. You guys deserve your time to grieve and celebrate separately I can’t see anyone who wouldn’t understand that.