Fiancés mom bought my engagement ring

If she did not work this out with FI in advance, like loaning him money and him picking ting, this is way out of bounds. MOG never ever should do this. Give it back, if you have it, and tell her her thought was nice, but misplaced. No engagement ring will have any value as a promise to you if bought new by her. He can pass on an heirloom from a grandparent you both were fond of, that is a part if him. Or he or the two of you can buy one from your funds. Her choosing and buying one, even if worth a million dollars, is not right under any circumstances. If she wants to say, I am happy you are marrying, she could offer to give you money to pay for some wedding things. Buy liquor or flowers, or the venue rental for a place you (not she) want. Mom does not belong in the engagement ring, I give you this ring when you consent to be my wife, sentimental part of things. She is emasculating your FI. And will of course proudly tell everyone about it. Before she moves on and surprises you by already having completed the name and address list of everyone she is inviting to your wedding. Start as you mean to continue. Unless you want FI to be mamas pampered little boy all his life, while she makes every important thing her decision, just helping you out. Talk about family jewels disappearing !

If it were me, as much as I want to ask to return the ring, I'd be too 'nice' to ask. So, I'd probably suck it up and use it as an engagement ring, but use my grandmother's ring as my wedding ring.

Nope, nope, nope! How does your FH feel? I know mine would not have stood for this and would have made his mom return it (though mine would never have proposed with it in the first place).

An engagement ring should be a symbol of love and commitment between the couple not, with his mother. To me, it was important that FH picked something special out himself to give me showing his thoughtfulness and care in picking it out. When my FMIL found out that FH was planning to propose she offered to have the diamond from one of her rings reset, he thanked her but, turned down her offer because he knew that isn't what I would want.

I would speak with FH and tell him how you feel. Let him know that the symbolism behind the ring is very important to you and that you would rather have an inexpensive ring that he chooses himself over an expensive ring chosen by someone else. Hopefully, he will understand where you are coming from and he will take it up directly with his mom. Perhaps, she could gift you both the money to use towards the wedding or maybe she would be willing to have the diamond(s) reset into a necklace or a set of earrings as a gift instead. After FH turned down her offer my FMIL decided to get me diamond earrings as a welcome to the family gift that I can use as my something new for the wedding.

Don't let this go, if you keep the ring it will always be a symbol of resentment and regret over what could have been instead.

Just ask your FH to tell his mom that while it was super generous of her to purchase a ring, you had actually had your heart set on wearing your family heirloom rather than a new ring.

It was really nice that she was so excited and bought you a ring but I think it was way over the line.

Hopefully she will understand that a family heirloom would be more meaningful to you.

This is something you will cherish and wear every day so don't give in and wear the other one just to be polite. You wear the ring that YOU want.

Hi Bridget! Wow, while that is so generous of her to do that, I would feel the same way!! I would talk to your fiance and express to him that you would prefer to return the ring and wear a family heirloom ring instead. I'm sure once you've communicated how you feel about all of it, he would be understanding and return it to his mother. Don't feel petty, this is your engagement ring and it should be something you love to wear and look at, as it represents your love!

Generous, yes. Pushy and invasive and overstepping boundaries, also yes. I hope DF is willing to set some limits on his mother's behavior, or she'll be in the middle of your marriage forever. "Oh, but I just wanted to help!" does not justify taking your decisions out of your hands.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! I really appreciate your thoughtful response.

View Quoted Comment Your response makes me feel like my feelings are totally valid and reasonable. Thank you!!

Thats nice but u should give her ur honest opnion.