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Just Said Yes June 2021

Fiancés brothers girlfriend in bridal party and photos?

Melissa, on July 16, 2019 at 7:46 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17

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Hi all,

I have figured out my bridal party for the most part (my sister and 2 of my closet friends).
However, I feel like I am obligated to include my fiancé’s brothers girlfriend in my bridal party and in the wedding photos.

The brother and girlfriend have been together for almost 6 years, but the relationship has always been tumultuous and quite unhealthy. They fight all the time, and unabashedly in front of people too. One occasion the brother admitted he would break up with her, but decided against it the next day.

The brother will 100% be a groomsman, and I feel like it’s expected for her to be in the bridal party and to walk down the aisle together.
I think everyone else also expects her to be included in the bridal party and photos.

i have known her for 5 years, and she’s nice, but she gets in moods that ruin the evening for everyone. I wouldn’t call us extremely close, but we’ve gone out to bars, weekend trips with the guys and go to the guys’ family events. It always feels like I have to make the plans (on those nights out or weekend trips) to entertain her to keep her happy so she doesn’t ruin everyone else’s fun.

The last outing my fiancé and I went with the brother and girlfriend was to go out at night to bars and such. She ruined the night with her mood and was quite rude. This has happened on multiple occasions. It’s to a point where fiancé and I agreed that if possible, we avoid going out with her, or at least limit it since we know that it’s not possible to completely avoid, especially since we’re moving closer to them.

Im worried that since their relationship is so unhealthy that maybe one day they will break up, even if it’s years down the road, but then having her in my wedding photos would be a permanent fixture that cannot be erased.

Having her in my bridal party would not be the end of the world, but it would not make it more fun and would add an additional expense. I guess I am more concerned about photos, but I also do not want to be rude and make her feel left out.

Any advice?

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17 Comments

Latest activity by Elizabeth, on July 23, 2019 at 10:44 AM

Master January 2019
Cassidy · on July 16, 2019 at 7:49 PM
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I wouldn’t include her.
Have her be in some family pictures (not all), but don’t have her in your bridal party. You don’t need the drama and you don’t want to baby sit on your wedding day.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 16, 2019 at 7:55 PM
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You’re not close, why would you include her? I think it would be polite to include her in a few photos, but your relationship status doesn’t guarantee you a spot in the bridal party.
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Devoted November 2019
Heather · on July 16, 2019 at 8:03 PM
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Dont include her in the bridal party. Most bridal parties consist on only one part of a couple. However, I would include her in "family photos" which you can limit.
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Super September 2018
Rachel · on July 16, 2019 at 8:05 PM
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Don’t include her in the wedding party. And clue your photographer in on your desire to have family photos without her. A good photographer is excellent at breezing through photos in a way to get you what you want without others noticing what is happening.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on July 16, 2019 at 8:09 PM
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I agree with the PPs, no reason to include her. My FH isn’t including my cousin’s boyfriend (she’s one of my MOHs) of 8 years because he’s not close with him.
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on July 16, 2019 at 9:02 PM
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Do not include her. She sounds like drama and you don’t need any more stress in wedding planning. I would have her in some family pictures and some without. I’m in a similar situation with my bro’s girlfriend with regards to pictures. We love her, but they have been on again off again so unsure for pictures
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 16, 2019 at 9:21 PM
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You aren't obligated to have anyone in your party that you don't want and this includes photos. For me during the photo session we had two wives of groomsmen present and I didn't include them. They were there as support to their men but that doesn't mean they're in my wedding party just because they're there.
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Expert November 2022
Megan · on July 16, 2019 at 9:49 PM
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Like others said yeah definitely get pictures with her like candid photos but don't feel the need to include her in the bridal party or photos. I wasn't included in either of my now fiance's brother or step brother's Weddings. I don't plan on putting either of their wifes in my wedding either and don't plan on putting my brother's gf in the wedding either. If she makes any fuss about it just tell her you wanted her to enjoy her self at at wedding without extra responsibilities, that's what I'm telling them.
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Devoted September 2019
McKenzie · on July 16, 2019 at 10:15 PM
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I wouldn't include her in the bridal party or wedding photos honestly. In my family, family photos are only for family or married in. Like you said, who knows what would happen in the future. If you want to keep the peace, include her in a few at the end maybe.
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Master 0000
Judith · on July 16, 2019 at 10:47 PM
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There is no need ever to have couples in any wedding party, unless someone family it super close to groom is attached to some family or long term best friend if bride. She is not your best friend. There is absolutely no reason to have her in your wedding party. . . For pictures, it is considered polite to have one picture if wedding party with their SO for the occasion. And one of each nuclear family, with SO. And the rest of posted pictures, only the principals, wp it family, no SO. If tshe is not in WP, she would be with brother as SO in one WP picture, and in one family picture, when all are with SO. That is minimum. Rest is up to you. In candids, you take whoever is already in the scene, you do not ask someone to step aside . You will regret it if you put a mercurial tempered person you do not always get along with in your wedding party. Just say, my women are all long term personal friends of mine, not the groom's friends. Not negotiable. Since that is how it usually is, there is no reasonable argument otherwise.
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Devoted September 2021
Jessie · on July 17, 2019 at 3:45 AM
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If her being in your bridal party won't make your day any better, then don't ask her. Plus, what if they do break up? Then you'll have her in your wedding photos forever and that wouldn't be fun to look back on.
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Expert May 2020
Erin · on July 17, 2019 at 11:17 AM
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I probably would not include her. I would pick your bridal party and then tell her that you're sorry, but you have a lot of close friends/family that you need to include in the party. I would still invite her to get ready with you guys if she wants and then leave it up to her on what all she wants to be included in. As for photos, I would suggest taking some with her and some without. That way you cover your bases. Ultimately, it's up to you and what you want to do for your big day!
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Melissa · on July 17, 2019 at 12:09 PM
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Thank you all for the advice! It seems to be a unanimous vote to not include her in my bridal party, and I agree. Fingers crossed no drama comes up.

And I honestly had not thought to ask the photographer about limiting the amount of photos with certain people.

Thank you!!!
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on July 17, 2019 at 2:01 PM
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Oh this sounds so familiar! My advice, don't make her a part of the bridal party!!! Say whatever you have to but if you're not close, you shouldn't really need an excuse. As for family photos, make sure you get a good number of them without her! No one wants to look back in 10 years and face that awkward moment. A little tip, make sure you know what she's wearing before the big day. I wore an ivory dress at my first wedding and my ex brother-in-law's girlfriend at the time showed up wearing practically the same shade!!!
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Super October 2020
Ashley · on July 17, 2019 at 4:22 PM
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My sister's fiance is not in our wedding and mine is not in hers. I haven't even thought about wedding pictures honestly. And we like him so it is ok for her to not be in it.
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Devoted May 2020
Bride2020 · on July 22, 2019 at 3:50 PM
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I wouldn't include her in bridal party, that is your decision it doesn't matter what people think. It will be the worst to have to look back on the photos when something happens, I'm sure you have much closer friends to put in your party.

Have her in one or two of the family shots and nothing more than that. From your description, she probably isn't about to marry in anytime soon, if she does at all. Just tell your photographer before hand to tell her to step out of the shot after one photo. If she tries to ask you or look to you afterwards to get you to say she should stay, ask your photographer to call her out before she gets the chance to try to get you to say she should stay or to hop back in. Tell her to be aggressive about it and you really don't want this girl in more than one or two shots. A good photographer will deal with this no problem and you'll never have to get your hands dirty.
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Savvy October 2019
Elizabeth · on July 23, 2019 at 10:44 AM
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You do not have to include anyone out of obligation. Your bridal party is supposed to be the people that mean the most in the world to you. They should be the ones that YOU want to be stranded on a desert island with. People that have always had your back and been there for you no matter what. DO NOT ask someone out of obligations. It will make your day miserable. And don't worry about "hurt feelings" she'll get over it, and if she doesn't too bad - the day wasn't about her.
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