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R
Just Said Yes July 2021

Fiancée wants a big wedding and i don't. Any advice?

RC, on April 20, 2021 at 9:52 PM Posted in Planning 0 10

As the title says my Fiancée wants a big wedding and I don't. We have been engaged since July 5th of 2020 and our wedding is July 10 of 2021. We having nothing planned, don't even know whos going to marry us yet; don't have a venue picked out and we don't even know how much we want to spend yet! I, from the start, have just wanted to go to the courthouse and get married there. He refuses to compromise all because of "Tradition". Not to mention, I have pretty much nobody, including my parents, that are coming. He on the other hand, has like 30 something people that might come. I feel stressed, and just sad about this. I thought your wedding day was supposed to be happy and joyful; But with how the planning's going, I'm scared of what the actual day is gonna be like. Has anyone else had this problem and how did you fix it? Please I need advice outside of family. I don't mean to sound selfish either, I just don't see the point in having a big wedding when its just for the two of us. It's a waist of time and money. I'd rather use that time and money to help him pack and move. By the way, we have to move his stuff 19+ hours away and it's gonna be expensive to do that. And I have to fly out to where were getting married and most likely get a hotel for 2 weeks. Am I being unreasonable?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Krystina, on April 21, 2021 at 1:23 PM
  • Scandalousrandallous
    Devoted July 2023
    Scandalousrandallous ·
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    Being less than 3 months out is the unreasonable part tbh.

    Move the date completely and have a real conversation about what youʻre going to do.

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  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    With nothing planned and it being the end of April, a wedding in July sounds fairly unrealistic unless you compromise. Move the date and have an open and honest conversation with your fiancé. Set a budget you can both agree on and find a happy middle. Maybe your ceremony can be small and the reception can be bigger. But you need to communicate first and foremost. And definitely more your wedding date
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  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    Move* instead of more
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    I agree with the others that a wedding in 3 months with nothing planned and no idea of what you want is going to be extremely hard to pull off.
    I think you guys need to find out how to have a wedding you’re both ok having and that will mean compromising.
    What exactly does he want from a wedding? What “traditions” is he looking for? Is it the walk down the aisle? The reception events like cake cutting, first dances etc?Is it celebrating with family?Once you figure out the items he actually is envisioning, you can see if that’s something you’re ok with.For example, if he wants the actual walk down the aisle and ceremony, you could still doing something small like getting married at the beach that still includes what he wants, and maybe can be just the two of you like you want.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    First of all, you should get on the same page about budget (and how you can save that money to get to that budget by the time of your wedding). Then you can both discuss your vision. But if you only want a courthouse and he wants a traditional wedding, you’ll both need to compromise (welcome to marriage!).
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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    It sounds like you need more time to plan and get on the same page with your plans.
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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    I agree that, short of a backyard barbecue or something similar, less than 3 months isn't enough time to plan.
    However, you said your fiancé has 30 people he wants to invite? 35-ish guests is a very small, intimate wedding. If you are stressed about a "big wedding," like the crazy ones you see on TV, 35 guests would definitely not be that and may be easier to pull off than a larger wedding because of COVID restrictions.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    This is what I was thinking also. 30 people is a very small wedding. If you are dead set on getting married in July, I would look into local parks which are oftentimes free or very inexpensive to hold ceremonies.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Small, simple weddings can be planned in a very short amount of time. But I agree with everyone else that throwing a "big" wedding this July with nothing planned yet, is not realistic. That said, the real issue is that you and your future spouse don't seem to be communicating/collaborating/compromising very well. That part is vital to work on now, before you get married (whenever and however you do that).

    He can want a big wedding and you can want a small wedding, but if you don't work together to plan something you will both enjoy, what is even the point of getting married? Please put all wedding planning on hold (I realize you aren't really planning now but you are stressing about needing to plan!) and look into relationship or pre-wedding counseling to help you two learn how to get on the same page. Once you get that underway, you can revisit wedding planning.

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  • Krystina
    Dedicated October 2021
    Krystina ·
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    You've had almost a year, but haven't started planning at all... in all that time, the two of you haven't discussed anything, made any plans, or worked out what you want to do... do the two of you actually want to get married? This seems like a red flag to me. He's insisting on a "big", traditional wedding, but hasn't lifted a finger to do any planning? It's clearly not THAT important to him, or he's expecting you to do all the work. Either way, I think the two of you might need to sit down and figure out if this is something you really want. If it is, there's ways to make it happen.

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