Fiancee spent wedding money

I am so sorry you are dealing with this! Is it possible to return the furniture? I would think they would have a return policy if you bring it back right away!

This would be a red flag for me. Are you sure he is ready to get married? It doesn’t make sense to me that he doesn’t even want to start planning yet. With a tentative date set in October, you really need to start booking a venue and vendors.

This would also upset me because it seems like a really irresponsible and careless thing to do, and something he should have consulted with you on. You need to be able to trust each other when it comes to finances, big expenses, and life decisions, and you should be equal partners in that. I think you need to have a serious discussion about how to better communicate and make sure you’re on the same page about things.

I’m sorry you’re going through this!

Oh boy, this is a tough one. I would see if you can return the dresser, bed etc. Not sure when all this took place but if it was just ordered, they may cancel the full order. I am sorry. I really don't have much advice other than to smack him in the back of the head lol.

But seriously, you really need to sit down with him and stress how this bothers you that this is an issue and how much it bothers you. Does he actually want to have a wedding? Maybe that is something to discuss as well because if he is the only income, a wedding won't happen if there is no money to pay for anything. He should also be discussing ANY large purchases with you and not taking it upon himself to just go buy things.

I totally get how upsetting this is. Like your's my FH is a great guy, BUT....he is very, how do I say this, hidden? about money. Like, he isn't able to talk finances...ever. He keeps things (like debt) from me, that I feel should be discussed and dealt with together since we are supposed to be a team. Anyways, I filed our taxes and we both agreed to put X amount of money towards the wedding. He gets his tax return. Guess who all of a sudden avoids the subject of using the money to pay vendors, etc. I finally asked what the deal was, and he confessed to getting behind in his debt payments a few months back. So needless to say, he's keeping his return, and it makes me so darn mad. Because 1) we both agreed to put this money towards the wedding, 2) he knew about his debt and back payments before this agreement happened and didn't tell me about it, and 3) it's annoying to say the least that I feel like I can't count on him in this area. Ughhhh....I feel ya on this one!!!

I am so sorry, this would be a red flag for me too. He should have consulted you before making a large purchase with your wedding fund. Have you guys had a conversation about your financial goals? It seems like maybe there is a disconnect there. He seems to want to furnish a home and save before getting married and you seem to want the wedding first. Neither are wrong, it just doesn't seem like you are on the same page. I would sit down and talk about where you both want to be financially when you get married. It's also a good idea to have an emergency fund that is separate from the wedding fund. Unfortunately, you just can't predict somethings like car repairs, home repairs, illness, while planning a wedding. It would be awful to have your wedding fund depleted again while you are planning. Good luck!

Yep. I'd walk. He's not ready. This needs a major heart to heart and I would have called the business and said nope, cancel it. Hope this works out for you.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine how frustrated you are! Maybe you can have a serious talk with him and ask him if he's ready to get married. If he agrees that he wants to get married THIS year, especially in October, he has to know that he can't keep spending money on unnecessary things. Is it too late to return the extra items that he bought minus the mattress? If you still want your wedding in October you need to book a venue/your vendors now. Things are filling up really fast! You can remind him that luxury items can be purchased AFTER the wedding and you guys don't need them right now.

Can you cancel the order? I would sit down and have a serious talk about how these “gifts” are impacting your future together. I don’t think FH intends to hurt your feelings but he doesn’t seem to be on the same page as far as saving, planning or wedding timeline. I don’t think it’s realistic to expect to have every single penny saved before you pay a venue deposit - we paid our venue deposit like 18 months in advance. I think you guys need to talk about not only spending your savings without discussion but your overall plan for the wedding and marriage. It seems like there’s a gap in communication somewhere.

Once is an misunderstanding/accident, twice is a problem. Twice he’s spent large amounts of money intended for the wedding. You guys need to have a real talk. It’d be entirely different if you guys had lots of extra income but you don’t. You’re working towards a common goal and he’s intentionally setting you back. So either he doesn’t want to get married or he doesn’t want to have the wedding you’re imagining.

1. We did kind of the same thing when we were first engaged, We got engaged in June 2016. At first we weren't in a hurry but didn't plan on having a super long engagement. We ended up buying a new mattress, car, and HOUSE!!

2. I kind of agree with your FH not to start really planning until you know what your budget is and have at least half saved with certainty you can save the other half before the date you set. We did not do this. Now just a few months to go and we are really pushing to pay off everything.

3. Weather he or you are the main earner, neither of you should be buying anything substantial without both agreeing to it.

4. Put the wedding on the back burner until you know you are on the same page financially.

I'd be livid. My fiance would never make such a huge financial decision without working it out with me first.

I'm so sorry!

Yeah it sounds like he needs to learn the fine art of "having a conversation" with the person he is sharing this life with. This is my FHs problem too. He's a great guy, but when he gets an idea in his head, he doesn't think to run it by me first, he just jumps right in. This can be a serious problem when it comes to money. Regardless that this money came from his income taxes, he is in a committed relationship with you, presumably for the rest of his life. If you are truly going to be "partners" in this life, he needs to start having a conversation about major purchases and other money related matters.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Just remember, you might have to wait longer now to get married, but you will make it happen!!

It sounds like you should consider an elopement, or something very low cost. I think it would be hard right now to book really anything in October. And really, the furniture (other than the mattress) can be returned. So unless he does return it, I don't believe is apology. I also think a discussion needs to be had about this "wedding money". It should belong to both of you, not just him (even though he saved it). If he isn't comfortable with that, I'd try to come up with another way to pay for it.

A lot of people are saying red flags & to walk away. I wouldn't take it to that extreme, you need to have a serious talk with him though and maybe he has some things he needs to get out. Always communicate.

Agree with lots of previous posters. First and foremost being that (for most couples) it's unrealistic to expect to have every single penny upfront before even starting to plan. Especially because most vendors only require deposits to secure a date. Also, it seems like he finds excuses to spend the money you do get saved so that planning can't get started, which to me, seems like he may not be ready to get married? I think there's 2 issues here: that he is making major purchase decisions without you, and that he is putting the stipulation of no planning before the money is saved. Does he understand that vendors get booked as far out as they do? I'm guessing not. TBH I would be VERY surprised if there was even anything available in October 2019 if you hadn't already had it booked because it is one of the most popular wedding months. When FH and I got engaged in August and I started looking at venues for 2019, he got upset with me saying I was rushing but he didn't understand how quickly things book up. When he went with me to look at venues and we had only a handful of 2019 dates to choose from, he changed his tune.

Research shows that the number 1 reason for couples arguments is money. Wedding or no wedding, in order to have a successful & happy long term relationship you two need to be on the same page about your finances: how to save, how to spend, how much to spend on what, what your short term & long term financial goals are (ex. wedding, furniture, buying a house, paying off debt etc). If you don’t agree on this now, you will only have more problems down the road. So you need to have a very honest & serious discussion. Seek help of couples counseling if you can’t have a productive discussion.

You can have any type of wedding you two want (small, big, expensive, on a budget etc) at any time you two want it. That’s all fine. But you can never have a good relationship if he is making large financial decisions by himself, without discussing with you. This is a big NO & needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. If he feels he’s entitled to do so because he is the breadwinner, then you need to decide if you are ok with someone else making all life financial decisions on your behalf without consulting you.

Also his explanation that it’s a gift for you makes no sense, when you want something completely different (a wedding). Hence, he is not buying a gift for you but for himself, which is totally fine, as long as you both agree on how the money is spent.

I’m sorry you are going through this.

Leave him, he doesn't respect you.

Thank you, next

View Quoted Comment I agree with this, 100%. There have been times where a conversation really cleared the air and made us both feel better in a situation that seemed impossible! Always have an honest and open conversation when things like this happen. It really can help.

Big financial purchases should be a joint decision regardless of who brings what money to the table. You need to talk to him about it Like someone else said, finances are the biggest cause of fights.

I’d definitely sit him down and have a talk about why he did that. My fiancé and I talk about even the smallest financial decisions. We are getting married in October 2020 and depending on where you live you’re absolutely right you need to start putting down payments down. But I think the bigger issue here is figuring out how you’re going to handle financial decisions moving forward. What would you do if he spent your nest egg on something frivolous?