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Trisha
Dedicated September 2020

Fiance won't set a date

Trisha, on December 28, 2018 at 2:40 PM Posted in Planning 0 12
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My fiance and I got engaged on November 24th 2018. I'm 25 and he is 26. We've been together over a year and we always knew we wanted to get married. He tells me he loves me all the time and we are both very compatible.

But whenever I ask him to set a date is acts weird. Like he will say ' I don't know' or 'we will see' . He brings up other wedding ideas and talks about our theme (which will be Harry Potter). I'm wanting to get married October 24th 2020. I've expressed this to him many times but he gives me the same answer. He doesn't realize it kind of hurts me because I want to start planning and start booking things. We have no other issues going on, we live together he owns his own house, pays for his bills and I pay mine, both have great Jobs and are financially stable . so I don't see what's stopping him. Has anyone gone through this? When did you finally set a date.

Fiance won't set a date 1

12 Comments

Latest activity by Lex, on December 29, 2018 at 9:00 PM
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    Have you actually asked him why he doesn't want to set a date?
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  • MeadorTogether
    Dedicated June 2019
    MeadorTogether ·
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    Maybe start off slow with things that do not require the date being set, like your engagement photos? It may give him the push to get excited and start planning.

    He may just still be nervous, for some guys even after popping the question the actual wedding is scary.

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  • Britt Brat
    Expert May 2019
    Britt Brat ·
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    I think you should sit him down and express to him that it hurts your feelings that he's not giving you a straight answer and go from there.

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  • Trisha
    Dedicated September 2020
    Trisha ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    That's what I'm thinking.
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  • Gipperkm
    Super September 2018
    Gipperkm ·
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    I don't really have much advice other than, have you asked him point blank why he is hesitating? I would just sit down with him and ask.

    That being said, you've only been engaged for a month. I would spend time enjoying your engagement. You have plenty of time if you aren't planning on getting married until end of 2020. We got engaged mid June 2017. I started researching on my own right away, but we didn't start planning until a month after we got engaged. We didn't set a date until a little less than a year before our wedding when we found our perfect venue and learned it was available on a date we had in mind. Remember, you don't have a wedding date until you sign the contract with your venue. Maybe your fiance is overwhelmed with the idea of starting the planning process
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  • K
    Savvy November 2018
    Katherine ·
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    We gave ourselves six months to think about where and when we would get married. I suggested many things and got a lukewarm response until I mentioned getting married at his church in his hometown..... he LIT up with excitement. The rest is history.... we got married in November.
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  • EMILY
    Dedicated May 2019
    EMILY ·
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    Setting a date doesn't have to be the first thing you do. Since you have an idea for a thrme, you could scout out venues and say you're open to different dates. Seeing a place might excite him more.

    My fiance and I were engaged for more than 6 months before we announced it to the family and started planning. It was hitting our 2 year anniversary in June that excited him and prompted him to want to set a date.
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  • Laura
    Dedicated June 2019
    Laura ·
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    I would tell him that you'd like to go look at a few venues in the area and you'd really like him to come. I dont think my fiance was like "oh yea i want to get married june 2019" but once we started looking at venues and started seeing available dates it gave us the push we needed to pick a date. Not to mention the people showing you the venue are most likely trying to make a sale- so the usually annoying push to book may work in your favor Smiley smile

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Just ask him why he's hesitant to set a date and express your feelings. You're getting ready to marry him, you should be able to have an open and honest conversation with him.

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  • Trisha
    Dedicated September 2020
    Trisha ·
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    I have sat him down and we had an honest talk! We've set a date! He wasnt sure where to begin on planning.
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  • Stephanie
    Expert September 2019
    Stephanie ·
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    That’s great! We set our date when we visited our venue and they gave us their availability. They only had one weekend that was in the timeframe we wanted. I really wanted two or three weeks later and even preferred just one week later, but not enough to switch venues.

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  • Lex
    VIP September 2019
    Lex ·
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    My FH was hesitant to set a date because he was thinking about the money factor. Maybe that’s why?
    Now that we have stable jobs and are making enough to save some money, we finally set our date.
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