Fiance never wants to talk about wedding

It's 2.5 years away, I don't blame him. My fh got more interested as we got closer!

I would show him what you have in mind like I had my top 3 list of venues and had them up on my computer and asked, what do you think about this venue as opposed to this one? I also showed my fiancé photographs from different wedding photographers to try to get his opinion. At first, it was simple responses like, "I like that." But now, he's throwing ideas out there and giving me more input on things. I still do the majority of the planning though... So I feel ya.

Have you shown him the timeline of when things need to be booked/done by? I mean 2 years out is pretty far, but if you think you need to book that far in advance based on your area and preferred vendors tell him that you need to start working toward decisions now to stay on track. I had to explain to my fh that we need to book a venue and caterer about a year out, that put a little fire under his butt. I also told him that if he doesn't help with planning we'll end up never having a wedding because I can't do it all myself and it stresses me out. It wasn't a "do this or I won't marry you!" kind of conversation, more of a "hey you want this party too so you need to help out or else let's go to the courthouse and call it a day." He got a little more involved after that.

In the beginning (last year), I told my FH that I wanted to book the big stuff and get it out of the way, and that venues do book about 1-2 years out. I asked him how he wanted to handle this, and we both agreed that this is what we would do. I did most of the research myself, and then sat with him and showed him the options I had narrowed down. We went together to visit 3 venues, he did go to one bridal show with me, I mostly went to them with my best friend. He surprised me that he went right away to look at tuxes because he wanted to know the cost before asking anyone to be in the wedding. He didn't think photography was all that important, I do, so I handled the photographer search myself. He obviously wasn't involved in any dress shopping, for myself or my bridesmaids. He knew which florist I was picking but was not involved in the flower selection either.

Now that we are just under 4 months out, he is a lot more interested in the details that we have left to plan. He even brings stuff up sometimes.

Your FH probably just doesn't think it's close enough to worry about it right now.

I think that is because you are still so freakin far away from your wedding date. Maybe it doesn't seem like there's any rush. Once it gets to be within 1 year, 9 months, 6 months, I bet he will be much more into planning. He might even become really opinionated.

Also, there might be only certain things that interests him, such as food, music, cake, alcohol, GM attire, etc. Maybe you can find out what interests him and get his opinion on those things.

Another idea to get him into planning is prepare him for talking about it. Plan a coffee date where you talk about your wedding vision. Find out what's important to him and how he sees your wedding day, as well as opinions on vendors. Or only talk about it once a month or on Sundays etc. Some people don't like to be surprised with being asked to make decisions.

Agreed with others that 2.5 years is far away. Also agree with others that some parts of the wedding are going to matter more to him than others.

He might also change tune a bit once you've booked a venue. It is the most difficult decision and the least well defined. After we had booked ours, it made it easier us to picture the specifics of the day. Without a venue, there are absolutely no limits to what your day will be-- you could still modify your guestlist bigger or smaller and make it fancier or more casual. Once you've locked down a venue, there are so many constraints that make the rest of planning more simplified.

I would caution against pushing too much if he's not in the mood to plan yet. You want it to be a fun experience as much as possible. If there are big things that need to be done now, maybe do what I (and others) did and research a couple different options and present a simplified version to him. He can choose between a few that you've already vetted. It's more work for you, but it might work.

My FH literally could be happy getting married under a freeway overpass as long as there is good cake. Since that's what he cared about most, I let him take the lead there. Everything else I researched and narrowed down to like top 2 or 3 and then asked opinions. If he cared, great, if not I'm happy getting to pick what I want. In general the guys aren't super involved, so try not to take it personally

My fiance claimed he wasn't that interested in most of the planning in the beginning - except for the groom's cake! But once I started booking site visits and narrowing down choices, he developed opinions pretty fast.

The system we've worked out now is that I do the research for certain things and present my top 3-5 to him. He says if he loves or hates any of them, or doesn't care. I go from there. For instance, he picked 2 of my top 5 photographers, and those were the ones I interviewed.

My fiance isnt hugely involved as well and we're 5 months out. He's just not into the whole party planning/decorating aspects of things, and I didnt expect him to be. He is honestly doing all this for me - he couldn't care less if we had a big wedding, or just eloped, and I think its really sweet of him to be supportive (financially and otherwise), even if this isnt really his thing.

He gets overwhelmed easily by all the endless quantities of details involved in wedding planning, so I find its been helpful to assign small tasks to him - i.e. when we were picking invitations, i narrowed it down to a shortlist of 5 invites and sent him those and told him to pick from that list. When selecting his and the groomsmen outfits, i found a site that rents modern suits and puts a whole look together for you, then sends you a trial of it to try on. I selected 2 styles that fit the formality of our wedding and had him try those on, with and without vest, jacket, etc and pick the one he liked best. If I had just sent him a link to the site with an open ended selection of suits of all colors and styles, various types of tuxes, etc. he just would have been overwhelmed and nothing would have gotten done.

I find the fewer open-ended choices I throw at him, the more eager he is to be involved in decision making.

We got engaged last August as well and I had the same problem. I also know he gets stressed easy so i just more or less show him what ive chosen or maybe only 2 or 3 things and ask his opinion. He wants more or less the same things and wants me to have the nice wedding but cant handle the stress of money and lots of decisions lol so i just go with it. Hes been pretty receptive to it more now that hes not overwhelmed with things.

I don't even want to talk about 2018 and I'm in the biz. You simply cannot plan for three years or you'll be at each others' throats.

It's too early to be talking about specific planning besides very basic decisions, like 'where is it going to be?". You can talk tents a year ahead of time.

Many men are just not interested in the details of wedding planning. My DH found all the decisions and details really overwhelming and just preferred that I did all of that and he just helped with some of the bigger things he was interested in - such as the catering, cake tasting, registry and honeymoon. With something THAT far away, I'm sure it's not even on his radar at all. At this point, the only thing you need to do is book a venue, if that! Why don't you do some research and narrow down some choices to your top 3. Tell him you want to have a venue booked by x date (create a deadline). Then, ask him when it would be good for him to go see them with you - and then you make the appointments. I agree with @sugarunicorn that my guy works better without open-ended options and more concise choices. Also, be prepared that he may have NO opinion on something that to you may seem important - like invitations - and that's okay too!

Also, please change your avatar to something other than the rings! They are associated with spam/trolls so it will help you get more responses.

Yes! What many others said! The boys don't like to do all the planning stuff most of the time. Many friends and people I've seen on here have said their FH or hubby didn't help at all. I sometimes cringe before bringing up things. But hey, for one it is far away. Nail down your venue. Start saving your money. Breathe! Just remember the whole point of all this and that's what he's focused on--marrying you!! You might be better off doing a lot of planning....ever ask a man to do the dishes?? See when that shit gets done. Now how you think he's gonna look up a photographer if you can't even get him to get his nasty tools out of the living room?

Do your research when it's time. Show him the options you got. Make sure a budget is agreed upon before searching vendors. Remind him he won't have the things he wants if he doesn't give his input!!

Mine didn't either. But, he was all on board and helped a lot about 6 weeks in. Do what you can to make sure he understands how far ahead things have to be decided and that you can't just change things at the last minute.

Like Caitlin said, Tell him that if he doesn't help decide now, he won't have any input on things. I actually suggest putting it in writing and sending it to him in a email so later on if he forgets you told him that, you can show that you did so

Know it sounds harsh, but it's not a bad idea. Brides on here have run into the same thing with family members. They didn't want to help when things had to be decided, then a few months before hand they want to get their hand in, when it's too late. More than once I've been at the gym and heard women saying the same thing- 'my daughter/niece wants me to go look at places and flowers, the wedding isn't for a year and a half! So silly!' then others respond something like this: 'she's just excited about being a bride let her have her fun and look early'

then the same women are mad months down the road when they want to help decide the venue and the florist and realize that the bride set all that up months ago.

Maybe if you show people a timeline chart?

I was in your spot in 2014, I was discouraged when FH wouldn't talk about it with me. However now I am 4 months away and he is constantly giving ideas and asking questions about it. He's way more interested now

Give it time. I'm 1 yr 4 months out and FH still isn't too interested. He said when it gets closer he will get excited. The OMG I'm getting married comes a little later for some guys then it does us girl.

Something that someone told me on here that really helped...

Ask him what are his 3 most important things pertaining to the wedding... my FH's are dj, alcohol, and cheesecake... he is in charge of all of it. He is super excited to do this stuff but other stuff not so much. I feel ur pain though. I still have 18 months left.

He will start to care when you start spending money

Give him choices, it's easier with thag