Fiancé isn’t doing his part

I know it may seem hard now but it is always better to talk to him directly and be honest. I know sometimes I get frustrated with my FH with some things and unless i sit down with him and talk about it most of the time he won't even notice what was upsetting me. After the conversation you will feel so much better and i am sure he would be willing to help more. Maybe he doesn't realize how you feel until you spell it out for him.

I think it would do you both some good to attend pre-marital counseling. Sometimes having a mediator is necessary if you feel like you two aren't on the same page, which it doesn't sound like you are. To me, this sounds like one of two things (mind you, I'm no expert). Either he's not invested in the wedding because he's not ready to get married OR he doesn't understand that the things you're asking of him need to be happening right now. My FH thought I was going way overboard on planning in the beginning until I explained to him everything that we had to do and how far in advance vendors book up. Explaining that to him really helped because he had no idea and neither do most guys. As for the money situation, that's definitely a good reason to see a counselor. Have the two of you discussed how finances will be handled when you're married? FH and I combined all of our finances about a month after getting engaged; his money is our money and my money is our money. I know that's not for everyone, but for us it's perfect. If you two have a happy and healthy relationship, pre-marital counseling should help you get through this. Wedding planning is stressful, but you're in this together. Best of luck to you!

Start by looking at the things you mention. I would agree that he needs to invest some time and energy in the planning. But at 5 months out, you have already been bugging him about things that do not have to be done by now. As long as they are done by the wedding. He can ask another groomsman anytime in the next couple of months. If he does not ask by early April, so the guy can get clothes, that may be an issue. He could end up not having the other person. It is up to him. And he needs to get his band by sometime in May. Why are you nagging him, like he is a kid? There are things that likely do need to be worked on. If you want your invitations ready to mail in late March, having all addressing of envelopes may need doing. Something you can work on at the same time. Or seating charts or cards. Other planning. Sit down and discuss a timeline of when everything must a dually be completed. Make dates to do some things together. As long as you pick at things that do not need to be done til later, he will sgrug, put you off, and do things later. You are frustrating yourself, and probably making him think you are a nag. Organize what NEEDS doing now. Don't just follow someone's list. What is he like with school things, and work? Does he do best with everything spoon-fed to him, little amounts as needed? Or is he more independent, figuring, as long as I know what needs doing, I will get it done by April, or May, or next week if it needs doing next week likely, you have different styles, and if your marriage is to succeed, you need to work on understanding how the other gets things done, and a commodate to each other. Not always easy. Back off on the GM and ring, as long as he says they will get done by the time needed, which is months away. Set out a plan to do things, with him. Not working from a list of yours. After all the time deadlines and cycles of school, where I loved my work but got to hate the structure around exams and papers , the thing I wanted most was to have nothing hanging over my head outside of work hours. Live life without always planning for the next thing. Take a break. He tried to tell you he wanted a break. And compromised setting a date. But he has barely had any. No wonder he did little all fall. Except adjust to a new job and co-workers, which is a lot. Start again, as though he is just getting on board. And don't delegate. You are not mom, the teacher, or boss of him. See if working doing things with him will work. You are right. It should not all fall on you .

Part of it could be just not caring about having a wedding. My husband would have been happy w a vfw and plastic plates for our reception, me - not so much. We compomised where I scaled down, and he went up a bit. BUT I do all the planning as he literally does not care one bit about flowers, invitations, place cards, etc... Does not mean he doesn't want to have a reception (we are having our "wedding" on our 5th year marriage anniversary) or say vows or what not, he just doesn't care about all this other stuff and im 100% ok w it. Knowing that I'm also paying for things I really want and that are irrelevant for him (video and photos) whereas he pays half for everything else... It's just making sure you realize what's important for each of you. It's not about always being on the same page, it's about realizing when you are not and respecting each other's choices.
On side note...and I know this from different relationships I have had in my life - when you take on more responsibility people around you tend to take on less. They get comfortable. It's a pattern that's very easy to get into and very hard to get out of. Id make sure you establish an understanding with him...no free rides on other stuff... It's easier to take on expenses of the wedding cuz it's exciting and fun but then mortgage, childcare, bills, student loans - not so fun... And you really don't want to be the person carrying the burden

I think you definitely need to sit down and talk with him, and/or get a pre-marital counseling session. When you sit and talk with him, a couple days before when you are in a clear mind-space, write out all of your worries/concerns. When you do this while clear-minded, it'll be easier to voice your concerns without getting frustrated or stumbling over words (I had to do that with an ex a lot, but left him due to other reasons!). It'll show that you've put some thought into what you want to say, and he'll appreciate not getting bombarded out of the blue. Men's time-frames and priorities are definitely not as strict as women's. Ask him how HE would like to handle his duties. Maybe he would appreciate it if you made a list for him of what he needs to do, and when you think it should be done, then leave it at that. He is an adult, he should be able manage his time on his own, and he will prioritize in his own way. If it comes down to the wire, and he has stuff on the list that isn't done, ask him if/how you can help. He may already have it planned in his mind how he is going to do something. Try not to nag. It'll be hard, but have patience and trust that he'll figure out how to do it on his own.

To add on about a couple other things: finances are a joint effort. If he cannot afford it, but you can, you shouldn't be too worried about "splitting" the costs. After marriage, most couple join their finances together anyways, and 5 years down the road, it won't matter what he paid and what you paid. As long as you aren't making yourself broke and he isn't recklessly spending his money, you're doing this for each other. And the weight gain..unfortunately that is a bad side effect of relationships. I've gained 20 pounds and my FH gained 35 pounds since being with each other. I was doing good at loosing the weight beforehand, but people get comfortable and happy, and it's a common thing. You can't force him to try to loose the weight. If he doesn't feel it's a problem, he isn't going to do anything about it, and there isn't anything you can do either.

It sounds like he just graduated and just got his new job. It is a major life-change for him, so he is probably trying to get used to it. Try to have some patience, give him some time, and instead of asking how he can help you, ask how you can help him. I hope some of this has helped, I'm sure some of it was blunt. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sure you'll both be able to work it out and have the most beautiful wedding!

One of the best things we’ve done is plan a stay-in planning date night! We picked a weekend night we were both free, put on our cozy PJs, ordered Chinese food, poured a glass of wine, and pulled out the wedding binder. (P.S. if you have not created a wedding binder yet, do it! It is such a huge help!) I had prepared a list of questions/options/concerns, etc in advance to go over with him. We went through every item, and together made decisions on everything. Making it into a “date night” made it more fun and less pressure for both of us. In addition to your questions, you could prepare a financial spreadsheet showing him everything you have paid for, and listing everything he needs to be financially responsible for. Maybe seeing the bottom line on what he needs to contribute, and the deadline by which he needs to (you can even have it divided out by the amount he needs to contribute each paycheck) will make him realize how he needs to step it up!