Fiance is being difficult

I think you need to sit down with him and be honest how you feel. Explain why it’s so important to you.

Compromise. It sounds like he wants to save some of the special events for the reception and he should get to have a say. I think it’s totally understandable to say your vows at your wedding since this is when you’re actually getting married, not the reception next year. Will there be dancing for your guests at your upcoming wedding? If not, maybe it would be appropriate to save the spotlight dances for the reception.

You have to compromise with him. Suggest that you skip vows but still have a dance with your father.

View Quoted Comment I agree with the dances for next year. He doesn't want to say his vows due to anxiety, with public speaking. So I won't push that at all. We compromised on my sister and to say a MOH speech.

View Quoted Comment We have compromised to skip vows and dance but keep my sister and her speech.

View Quoted Comment We compromised over no vows and no dances.

View Quoted Comment Okay are you satisfied with the compromise?

View Quoted Comment I understand the vows. I still want to dance with my dad. We don't even have a party scheduled for next year. It's all talk right now. But I will let it go.

I don’t understand why you can’t have the speeches and dancing at both events. Has he suggested any particular logic to this? Are his family and friends attending the small ceremony?

Why cant you do it at both?

If you cannot navigate this problem, with no bad feelings, you likely are not ready to be married. It's a test! Most people don't do all that stuff for a small private wedding, even if they have no second reception. And most who do go all out, and have a reception long after a small private wedding, do these things like the WP and dances only at one of them . So you cannot call him unreasonable. You want to have your cake and eat it too, do things twice, and may or may not ever convince him. Good luck.

I mainly agree with your FH in that situation. I’d still say vows since it’s the day your officially getting married. Then I’d have a dinner afterward and save the other activities for next when everyone is present. My personal preference would be for NOT doing things twice, especially if it’s going to be the same (same first dance/parent dance songs, same speeches again, etc)

View Quoted Comment He doesn't want to have the dances because the photographer will have already have left. Speeches because he doesn't want people to feel obligated to speak. He hasn't been to a lot of weddings. My sister wants to give one, I told his best man he can give one too if he wants to.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. It's his wedding too, so he needs as much of a say as you. So I think you should sit him down and talk about why you want to do these things twice and see why he doesn't. Then you both need to compromise on some of the things. I agree if you guys can't get through this little thing and both come to a compromise then are you really ready for marriage. This is just one small road block and there will be many more that are way bigger. Marriage doesn't make it any easier to deal with things. With marriage there will always be a time where one of you will have to compromise.

View Quoted Comment We have been through a lot more in the 10 years that we have been together, than a mere argument over this so yes we are ready for marriage. We have compromised on the speech and dances.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you on this! We have compromised. My thing is what if we don't have a party next year then I will never get to dance with my dad. That's why I wanted to do the dances mainly. But we have compromised on doing the dances next year and not doing the vows.

You will still have to do some type of vows in order to get married. When we got married, we wrote our own vows, but by law we were required to say the traditional ones as well to be legally married.

View Quoted Comment Yes we will do the traditional ones. Just not our own. He gets nervous if he would do his own. I understand on that.

View Quoted Comment You could still say your own if you wanted.

View Quoted Comment I'm not sure yet I will have to think on it.