Fiance has crush on someone else?

What makes you think he has a crush on her?

ETA: we would need more details to help discern if you're just being insecure (not saying you are!) or if there are actual red flags that should and would cause us concern

We need some more information. What has happened to make you think this?

I definitely am insecure, that has always been something I've atruggled with. But on a few occasions he will bring her up in conversation and I feel like he acts kinda giddy. Also, he makes homemade dog treats and was going to bring her some (I'm pretty sure he has male coworkers who have dogs too so I thought this was weird). Just instincts maybe? It's like just little things that seem off.

Ya, has anything happened that made you suspicious??

ETA: Just saw your response. That all sounds really innocent to me. Maybe she is just somebody that he likes to talk to that has common interests? Have you ever been formally introduced to her?

Also, she is engaged as well, so I get it, they talk wedding stuff, etc. You see your coworkers more than your family so of course there's going to be interaction. I just can't shake the feeling that there's something off.

I don't think anything has happened. They don't hang out outside of work or anything. It's always been a struggle for me to trust people. Up until now I trusted him completely and I still don't think he'd ever do anything but again, gut feeling that there's some kind of flirtation or something.

Crushes will happen throughout your life. Getting married doesn't mean you won't find anyone else attractive for the rest of your life. As long as he doesn't act on it. I think bringing dog treats in is alright, that is something a friend would do. But if you are seeing more signs that go beyond a friendship level then I'd talk to him about it.

ETA: I see you said they don't hang out outside of work. If his friendship continues and he suggests that, just tell him you aren't comfortable with that.

I feel like we all need work wives and husbands. We spend so much of our time at work, we need someone to goof off with, talk to when we are stressed, go grab lunch with ect. When my FH and I started getting serious I had a work husband I was close with. So close people in the office thought we were dating. I took my partners feelings into consideration, and invited the work husband out to meet the FH. We invited another coworker that had just gone through a breakup..... One thing led to another, and they got engaged a week after we did.

So basically, my advice is to befriend the girl. In a genuine way.

Agree with Antonia but would like to add, people are going to have crushes on other people. It doesn't always mean that there are red flags or that they are going to cheat on you. It's human nature to have crushes. I wouldn't be too worried about it, but he should be mindful of your feelings and be open to talk to you about it. If he avoids the topic of having a crush on her I would be worried but it sounds like he's trying to be open with you.

Something that helps me when I'm feeling insecure: I have FH hold me and tell him that he's not allowed to tell me I'm crazy, but he needs to let me know my feelings are valid, but he's not going any where and he'll never cheat on me. AND that everything is going to be OK. It's something my SIL taught me and it helps me out a lot when I'm feeling the way you're describing.

ETA - deleted my however because it sounds like there's really nothing to worry about. Jut talk to FH. Let him know what you're worried about, and I agree with MSL - everyone needs a work wife/husband. Get to know her. Maybe go on double dates with her and her FH. It might help calm your nerves.

Have you sat down and talked about how your feeling? Communication is key in this situation.

He doesn't hang out with her outside of work so that's a sign (I think) that it's not a big deal.

But I understand how you feel! Just remember that the more suspicious you are of it, he may not want to tell you any more in the future. I think it's a good sign he is mentioning her because that probably means he's not hiding anything.

Thanks ladies. I have mentioned my feelings on this and we've discussed it but he always says he doesn't have any attraction to her. I don't know why but I don't feel reassured by that! It's like I drop it when we discuss it, but then another conversation comes up. I don't even know if he realizes he might have a crush or how it sounds to me.

Nicole - what if you talk to him about how he will react to a crush if he ever ends up with one? That way you can be reassured that even if he does develop a crush he will always come home to you.

Agree with the other posters that this sounds benign, regular friendly behavior, especially since he's never hung out outside of work.

However, it doesn't sound like you really trust him. Has he ever given you a reason not to? That's not a good foundation. I suggest doing some extra work on yourself about the insecurity and trust issues.

Suggest going to dinner with her and her FH. My FH has met my "work" husband on numerous occasions and they are now friends. Years ago I got a coffee date request out of nowhere from the wife of a coworker I had been working a project on. Evidently he had mentioned me enough that his wife felt like she needed to meet me. Fast forward to today and she is a great friend of mine. Getting to know the person your FH is friends with may help ease your concerns.

I also agree that it sounds harmless.

Insecurity is a sucky thing to deal with. I struggle with it myself sometimes...have you thought about seeing a counselor to try to work on your insecurities? When I was seeing one, it helped me out a lot. (Not saying you need it, just mentioning since you said insecurity is something you've struggled with before. Sometimes just talking with an impartial third party helps.)

I agree with PP. Maybe you all (her FH too) could meet for drinks or dinner. You might gain a great friend out of it, and seeing them interact together should put your mind at east.

Whatever your intuition is telling you listen to it, BUT STOP ASKING HIM.

just eyes open and keep a lookout.

If you keep mentioning it he will start looking at her differently and even if he never did, he may start something.

Eyes open though and just make sure there aren't other signs you're missing

It's a MAJOR turnoff to guys to be asked this and have our moral fiber questioned in the relationship, insecurity kills it. If the trust isn't there, keep your eyes open and figure out why....but if you feel insecure in general with all relationships, work on that so it doesn't damage this one. If I had to explain and justify female friends every time I turned around, I wouldn't be happy in that relationship.

Does he have other female friends? Do you feel threatened by them? It seems like you're hyper focused on her in particular. I agree with the others that this sounds like normal, friendly behavior. I also agree that it may help if you actually get to know her. If he is so friendly with her and they're compatible friends, you two might get on well, too!

I’m not sure that I agree that it’s normal to have crushes while in a serious relationship. It’s normal to be attracted to people, but crushes are another level. That being said, it sounds pretty innocent. They’re not hanging out outside of work, so it just sounds like he’s found a friend at work. Like you said, they can bond over wedding stuff, and now that they’ve bonded, he’s bringing her some dog treats. He probably just hasn’t developed as much of a friendship with the male coworkers, which is why he hasn’t brought them dog treats.