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Just Said Yes October 2020

Fiancé has 60 people i have 11

Lindsay, on May 24, 2019 at 1:34 AM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 13

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I feel like this is dumb, but I need to just talk about it. My fiancé and I are having a destination wedding in Mexico, which is where his Dad lives, and where we got engaged! It’s a very special place for us. When making the guest list i knew, with my fiancé being 10 years older than me, living many different places, and is great at staying in touch, that my fiancé would have more people at the wedding than I. But we agreed that out of 100 people, 40 being mine and 60 his, was a great number. We sent out the invites and, not surprising, only my wedding party and my family (both are small) can come because my friends are all artists (like me) in their late 20s/early 30s and many cannot afford to fly down there, or they can’t for other unexpected reasons. So i have 11 guests total. ALL OF MY FIANCÉ GUESTS CAN COME?! never heard of that happening lol! It’s a true feat. But I am left feeling kind of sad. I do not blame my guests for saying no! It’s a big expense! I do not take it personally. But I’m afraid that our wedding will kind of be my man’s party. As his friends don’t know me that much since they live in other cities and they all love him and are very outgoing and loud and my friends and family are shyer and more reserved. Even our engagement was all his friends and family in Mexico giving speech after speech about him and it barley felt like I even needed to be there. It had not much to do with me. My fiancé and I have super open and honest communication, so I’ve expressed my concerns especially after the engagement. He agreed the engagement got out of hand and he felt bad. But I’m really nervous that I’ll be a guest at my own wedding

. I can’t tell him to cut anyone out as all 60 are like brothers to him. Maybe there is no answer here than to just buck up and know that it’s about us and not the wedding ? (Why have one then lol) bla.

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Furture Mrs. G, on May 24, 2019 at 9:33 AM

Super July 2020
D · on May 24, 2019 at 1:46 AM
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You have my compassion. Make sure to incorporate yourself as much as possible. Make the venue scream you! The day is for you both but if the numbers are lopsided, take it up with space.
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Expert September 2020
Terra · on May 24, 2019 at 1:58 AM
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Are there any opportunities before the wedding where you can spend more time with his friends? Maybe if you got to know each other a little better, it'll open it up more so that the wedding doesn't end up like the engagement party did.
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Lindsay · on May 24, 2019 at 2:07 AM
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You’re amazing ❤️Your compassion alone made me feel relieved a bit. Great idea!
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on May 24, 2019 at 2:07 AM
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Your wedding day is about you and your FH! Discuss your concerns with him - be open about how you feel. He might be able to ensure his friends don't outshine you, the bride! Best of luck!
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Lindsay · on May 24, 2019 at 2:08 AM
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Sadly there isn’t. I’d have to fly all over this country every weekend to, and I’m also a poor artist who is now planning a wedding! So every penny counts. 🤷🏼‍♀️
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Lindsay · on May 24, 2019 at 2:08 AM
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Thank you!
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Super August 2019
Tina · on May 24, 2019 at 5:09 AM
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So far all but 4 ppl my honey invited has accepted. And from my family I've literally had one cousin confirm. My sister's and our kids will be there but l literally invited all my first cousins and only one has said yes. I have 1 more week until the RSVP date is expired. I'm a lil sad by this. Yea it hurts. Maybe half of my friends have confirmed so far. I'm thinking its going to be a similar situation. ugh. So I totally understand how you feel. Make sure you're 11 talk you up during the speeches. Lol. And yes don't let them over do it on his side. Hugs!!!
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VIP December 2026
Chariece & Sterling · on May 24, 2019 at 8:23 AM
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Maybe you can speak to your FH regarding when it comes to speeches/ toast being made you guys can agree that it will be the same number of family/guest giving them from both sides.
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Lindsay · on May 24, 2019 at 8:23 AM
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Hugs to you too! I’m sorry you relate! But you’re right I just got to ensure that my 11 are a GREAT group and to communicate to my fiancé’s my fear and that I need him to help not make it 100% his show. I’m learning this isn’t an unusual circumstance 🤷🏼‍♀️
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Super September 2019
Iva · on May 24, 2019 at 9:04 AM
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Sorry you feel this way. Yes, the numbers are very skewed so I understand your feelings, but you can still have a fabulous wedding day! Here is what I would do:
- With DW will you guys have few days before the wedding to hang out with friends who came early? Usually that’s the fun part of DW & could be an opportunity for you to get closer with some of his friends. This is also important for your relationship in general, to know each other’s friends, so use it as a great opportunity, since his friends live all over
- Extroverts will always take over any party vs introverts lol, so I wouldn’t fight that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have the best time with your 11 & FH & FH family (I assume you know them)! Introverts have just as much fun, but just in slightly different, quieter ways.
- Talk to FH & make sure you guys do things that incorporate you. FH could give a speech about you, your family & your relationship. You could also give a short speech to thank everyone etc. You could play shoe game or any other “get to know the bride” game with fun questions about you. Your FH can make sure to limit his side speeches to what you both feel comfortable with. He can also make sure to take you everywhere with him & introduce you to everyone, so you can chat with people together & you feel included.
- Dance the night away with FH & your friends. You’ll have ton of fun & it won’t matter how many of his friends are there when you’re all dancing.
And of course, wedding is for you & FH, so just focus on enjoying the day & creating some great memories together ❤️
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on May 24, 2019 at 9:10 AM
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As surprising as this may be I'm in a similar situation just the reverse. We are getting married in Jamaica where I was born( but left at the age of 8) and have a small amount of family still there. I come from a huge family and have 60+ people confirmed from my side. And my FH is the only child and may have 15 people attending. Knowing this I have asked him who he is expecting to make speeches so that I can have the same amount of people make speeches so It's even. In addition my mom and sisters have suggested we do a welcome to the family dance where they will ask his family to join in a circle dance around us. I feel it's my job to make sure my FH and his family are included in everything and hopefully your FH will do the same.
I understand that you can't go visit but maybe next time your FH is on the phone or FaceTime you can kind of pop in and join the conversation. Hope it all works out for you!
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on May 24, 2019 at 9:17 AM
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I’m so sorry about this situation. Is there anyway that you can maybe have a smaller reception or even celebratory dinner or bbq with your friends and family that couldn’t make it when you get back home? Doesn’t need to be fancy or anything, but something to include them as well.
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Expert September 2019
Furture Mrs. G · on May 24, 2019 at 9:33 AM
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This is our situation BUT with my FH not having much of his people come. The only ones we know are for sure coming is maybe 15 meanwhile I have 100+ that I am inviting. I feel bad- But, most of his family is in Mexico as well and we are having our wedding in Texas. So it is hard for them to travel all the way. But, God willing they will make it.
Don't feel bad- This is YOUR day no matter if everyone who was going was his friends. Make the best of that moment. I have been told alot that all of my worries now, will disappear on the wedding day because on that day all I am going to be worried about is my FH and enjoying the moment. Enjoy everyone who goes. Good luck!
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