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Just Said Yes September 2022

Fiancé doesn’t want to invite one of my close family friends. Help!

Jessica, on September 12, 2021 at 4:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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So a bit of a back story, my FH and I have been together since high school. I grew up closely with a family in our neighborhood and became best friends with the daughter my age all throughout elementary-high school. We never had a rocky relationship, but she was never the nicest of people. In high school she had made an extremely ignorant and hurtful comment to my FH and since then he has not liked her, understandably. He is extremely adamant about not wanting to invite her to our wedding which I want to respect, but has caused me a lot of internal anxiety considering our families are close friends. We don’t speak very often, or see each other much but that is how a lot of our HS friends are that we are still inviting that she is very close with. Our wedding is also in a different state than where she is located so I feel if we invite her she would most likely not even come. She also is getting married this year and we were both invited, to which we did decline. I know I want to be on my FH’s side, maybe I am just looking for reassurance that this is the right thing to do.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on September 13, 2021 at 2:21 PM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    This really depends on how much you want this girl there and how your partner would feel about it.

    Personally, if I were in that exact situation, if it was someone I truly wanted there, I would be inviting her because I wouldn't let one poor lapse in judgement from years ago be the sole reason for not inviting her.

    With that said, we don't know the details of the incident or whether there was any apology, so it really comes down to how bad things are / if it is something your partner could move on from.

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    If your FH doesn’t want her there (and based on what you said not sounding close) don’t invite her. This is about your family - you and your husband. Those are the only two opinions that matter and he’s shared his. If your parents are upset, that’s their problem.
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  • Samantha
    Super May 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Think of it this way. If someone had really upset you, and your husband didn't respect your desire to not have them there, how would you feel?

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  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid ·
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    When was this comment made? If more than 3 years ago I would say you need to have a conversation with your FH about it. If he can't get over a comment made 3 years ago there is another issue.


    Stand your ground and invite her. Personally from your post you are allowing your FH to talk you out of somethng you want to happen. He should not have that much power over the guest list, especially with a family friend/neighbor since your childhood.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Jessica ·
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    This comment was made over 3 years ago. I think it is pretty disrespectful though to expect him to move on from a hurtful and borderline racist comment no matter how long ago it was made.

    I appreciate your opinion because I was definitely looking for some outside perspective, but I think this comment reassured me that I should respect his wishes. The day is for both of us together not for us individually.

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I don't think that we all knew the comment was borderline racist. If that's the case, then your friend has every right to be wary of your FH. Has he apologized for making the comment to her? It was a long time ago and I really hope that he is not the type of person to make comments like that now.

    If he is adamant that she is not to come, then I feel like you need to respect that but it will likely result in loss of the friendship.

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  • J
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Jessica ·
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    No the comment was made by my old friend to my FH, not the other way around. Definitely wouldn't still be with FH if he made such comments!

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Oh sorry!! Yes I got that backwards. Yes, definitely don't invite her.

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Well, it’s his wedding so he gets a veto vote I would think.
    High school can be horrible. I would hate to think people can’t change from high school. I have held a few grudges against full grown adults who have said awful things to me, but high school is so fraught.
    However, this is really about how your fh feels. If he is still wounded and her presence causes him pain, he has priority. I don’t know if I could be friends with someone who my fh felt such pain from, I would be worried he felt like I didn’t have his back. I would have communicated that to her - “having you in my life causes my fh distress and he needs to be my priority.”
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