Fiance doesnt want my sister at our wedding

My fiance's sister isn't invited to our wedding either because she called me every name in the book when he was arguing with her and it had nothing to do with me. I didn't tell her gently she just will not be getting an invite since neither myself nor my fiance have spoken to her since March 2017.

Personally I would invite her, request her phone be put away like the other guests, and if she is disruptive at the ceremony or reception ask her to leave. Her behavior sounds annoying, not criminal. Your FH needs to bring it down a notch, too, this is your sister.

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Totally agree with this. You don't have to 'respect his wishes' on this. My brother is a pain but if my FH informed me he didn't want him at the wedding there would be issues.

First, I would not automatically not invite my blood sister because FH doesn’t want her there. There may come a time where I would regret that decision. I would discuss my concerns with her first. Depending on her reaction you may end up with a solid reason not to invite her you might get her to see that she would be missing out on an important event in your life because she acts like a jerk sometimes. I would at least give it a shot though. Not inviting your sister could be very damaging to your relationship and you may end up resenting FH because of it.

I don't know if there is a way to say that gently. From how you describe her, I feel by not inviting her you will either lose the relationship entirely and she may try to cause additional drama and turn family members against you. Are you okay with losing a relationship with your sister and dealing with possible fall out from other family members? If you aren't, you may want to talk to FH to see if he will reconsider this. I get that it's his wedding too, but this is family and you can't chose your family, and this is the family he is marrying into whether he likes them or not. If she comes, you can just treat her like any other guest and ignore any outbursts/not let it affect your day. My H isn't crazy about one of my sisters (who doesn't sound half as bad as your situation), but she still came because she is my sister and I didn't want to deal with the family drama of not including her. She ended up being a lot better than I thought she'd be (I lucked out because she was feeling a little under the weather on my wedding day, so didn't do her typical try to boss me around and control everything) and I'm glad she was there. If you do want to respect your FH wishes, that is fine too, but I just can't imagine your sister will still maintain a relationship with you after the fact.

I would do it in person. That's not a conversation you have over the phone. Is not inviting her something that you want as well, or is it just something that your FH wants? If you want her there, I would talk with your FH and explain to him why and see if maybe you can come to some sort compromise.

I checked your post and it doesn't say anywhere if you actually want her there. Not inviting someone, especially family like your sister, can make or break a relationship. That's a tricky situation. But if you decide to tell her she isn't invited, just know it that may cause drama not just between you and her, but other family members as well.

I think regardless of how you tell her, it'll be a problem. I'd alert your parents & other siblings (if any) first so they are prepared. Then tell her sooner rather than later. It may wake her up to realize she's not the center of the universe, so she can fix herself for future friend/family weddings. But I'd just brace for a giant scene.

Marriage and living life together is kind of about compromising. I suggest you start here. It sounds like you don't necessarily want her not to be there. Like some of the other posters said request that she leaves her phone in the car and acts human. If she doesn't ask her to leave.

View Quoted Comment It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Fortunately, after talking to my FH a little more about it, he said he anticipates her being there under my mother's invitation. He didnt want to give her a formal invite though because not only does he hate (he doesnt use that word lightly with her) her but we both feared she would be accompanied by my ex-best friend (her best friend now), her husband and their kid ...which we both hate (not using it lightly as well), not the kid but the parents. My mother and my sister are estranged from the family for a while now. Do I want to invite her? Not really because of her possibly making it all about her. She doesnt mingle or sits with mopey face or sits on her phone.

It's so tough dealing with people we have issues with especially Family members, whether it's on your end or future spouse. In my opinion, I wouldn't exclude anyone if they aren't some kind of dangerous threat or something. How your FH is feeling, that's how we felt about FH sister (including him) because she caused drama over the heels we asked for the BMs to wear and the dress.

We were barely engaged two weeks I think and she was so upset because my FMIL told her my FH said she wasn't in the bridal party when all he said was he wasn't sure because we hadn't discussed it. Was she my first choice? Definitely not because we barely speak, she has her own life and doesn't acknowledge us much. I had to intervene and let her know I never said I excluded her it was my understanding that the bride chooses who's close to her but we hadn't made any decisions yet. She told FH that because she's his sister she automatically gets that BM pass.

We looked passed the narcissism and included her, to avoid further issues. So back to the dress and heels, we chose an attire and she started complaining that she has bad feet and can't wear heels when last year at her graduation she had super high heels on but my FH didn't budge this time. She even told me that shes really not girly (she likes same the same sex and dresses more masculine, which we do not judge nor have an issue with we respect her life) and is only willing to do it for us cause it's out Wedding. So she's making it seem like we begged her for the favor. FH told her either you wear the attire since you cried about being a BM or take a seat with the guests.

She agreed to do what we're asking and hopefully we can keep the peace because it's best sometimes if they decide whether they want to partake or not.

Personally, I think your fiancé is being selfish and a drama queen by insisting you not invite your sister.

That said...expect a MAJOR fall out if you do not invite her. Depending on her personality as to how she deals with it.

Myself., there would be a number of years if ever, I spoke to my sister again for intentionally not inviting me to her wedding. You said she is younger? Most likely immature due to age, not sure. Believe me, not inviting her will be a lifelong issue. Just take that in mind before making a decision.

View Quoted Comment We decided to tell her the truth, leaving out the fact my FH doesnt like her. Since he anticipated her coming anyway, I told her it was implied she would be coming under my mother's invitation. Which worked because we had 50 invites and 52 households. We had to combine households.

View Quoted Comment Sadly, it wouldnt bother me if we never spoke again. She doesnt talk to me now unless I make the initiative or if she wants something from me. She's a Pity party kind of person and a manipulater. Being her older sister, I've always been the bigger person about everything. And my FH is far from a drama queen. She has done more damage to our family. She's had my middle sister and myself beleiving we didnt like each other when all along we didnt know each other to make that call. My middle sister and I reconnect after 20 years of lies coming from our baby sister. So I can see his hositily towards her. Plus how she's treat not only me but my 80 year old grandmother.

View Quoted Comment So what if she doesn't mingle or mopes or sits on her phone. None of those are a big deal. You can't control that nor should you try.

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Sounds like you don't want her there either. Plus, she could potentially ruin or at least seriously disrupt your wedding day. In that case, talk to your parents first. Then I would think texting your sister to let her know she's not invited would be fine. No explaining, just keep it short. Toxic people love to draw you into a battle.

You may also want to talk to the venue's DOC to see how they handle escorting uninvited guests out of the area. It's not ok for her to show up, with or without friends, to ruin your wedding. Work on a plan with the venue...for example, if you point your sister out to the DOC, he/she should immediately escort her out and if she will not go then the DOC may call the police. Hopefully, it won't come to that but better to be prepared and have a situation handled quickly for you & your guests.

So your fiance doesn't want her there. She's your sister though. Do YOU want her there?

It sounds like your sister is an adult and has been for several, if not many, years. If you don't want her at the wedding, don't ask her. No adult has the right to ruin another's wedding. She also needs to learn that her behavior and actions have consequences. Frankly, if I found out that she had lied for 20 years and those lies kept me from having a relationship with another sister, I would have removed her from my life at that point.