Lav
Dedicated October 2022

Fiancé doesn’t get it.....

Lav, on March 17, 2021 at 8:30 PM Posted in Planning 0 26
Saved
Reply
My fiancé don’t get what is a wedding.. he don’t understand.. he only thinks it’s a “waste” of money for only 1 day.. I feel pretty sad every time he says that he don’t “care” to plan a wedding.. don’t know what to argue or try to explain on how much that’s important about it and I get speechless and shocked. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I need advice on how should I handle that... please

26 Comments

Latest activity by Amanda, on March 27, 2021 at 9:00 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    Not everyone needs a big expensive wedding with tons of guests to marry the person they love. Find a compromise, that’s what marriage is all about anyway. How about something more intimate with your closest friends and family?
    • Reply
  • C
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    Yeah, that can be very hard. Men sometimes don’t understand how much it can mean to a person to have a wedding. I would maybe put it out there and let him know how much a wedding would mean to you. They have many different ways you can have a cheaper wedding. Maybe you could even compromise and go to the JP. Then after just have a reception or a celebration party. It may not be how you dreamed it would be, but at the end of the day it will be beautiful I’m sure ♥️ Best wishes
    • Reply
  • Lav
    Dedicated October 2022
    Lav ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I am already planning a wedding with around 50 mostly of our guests is his family, because mine don’t live in the country... something small and intimate.. and even though is not caring about planning anything. I just feel frustrated.
    • Reply
  • Lav
    Dedicated October 2022
    Lav ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes, at the end of the day what matter it’s our love and the compromise of choosing to be married. But he is not wanting anything related to wedding because we are already living in the same place. I don’t know. Just feel frustrated.
    • Reply
  • ScandalousRandallous
    Devoted July 2022
    ScandalousRandallous ·
    • Flag

    This would be a red flag for me honestly. He should acknowledge that youʻre excited for your wedding day and at least somewhat give a crap. Definitely talk with him through it cuz I would hate for you to plan even a 50-person wedding and he just scrap the whole thing. If he doesnʻt want a wedding, what does he want? A courthouse deal? No friends or family there at all? Just a honeymoon? Someone not excited to marry me is a dealbreaker to me so definitely get to the heart of his feelings on the matter.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this. While you don't need a huge lavish party, you should be on the same page. If that's not possible, then take a big step back.

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this. It seems like you are feeling dismissed and like your feelings aren’t being take into account.
    Wanting a small ceremony to celebrate this very big event is not an outrageous ask.
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    I think you should sit him down and ask him why he’s not excited? Tell him how it makes you feel just like how you told us. Did he expressed to you his wishes on what he wants out of it? Whether it be eloping? Or something else? Or is he saying that he just doesn’t care at all?
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Dedicated October 2021
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag
    My fiancé and I are similar. I don’t see it as a red flag. Because to me, the fact that we’ve jointly decided on a budget for an event that he doesn’t even understand why we need to have a wedding at all shows me that he cares about me being happy. I try to keep that in mind when my fiancé tells me that he doesn’t need to have a wedding. Because I think he means for it to be good natured teasing, not chiding me for planning a nice wedding. When it gets to be too much (because sometimes I can’t brush it off as teasing), I tell him and he usually reminds me that he wants me to be happy. And he knows that I’m compromising on aspects of the wedding to make him happy or comfortable (with the size, venue, etc.).


    Assuming it’s all coming from a good place, I would try to focus on that and the lives you’ll have after the wedding is over.
    • Reply
  • Tory
    Devoted May 2022
    Tory ·
    • Flag
    I agree that compromise is very important, and that you guys should try to find something where you both are happy (maybe try to meet in the middle with a smaller and more intimate celebration) but I also do understand your frustrations. It can be hard when you’re so excited and eager to celebrate with everyone and then they disagree and don’t want anything to do with your ideal plans or dream wedding
    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Men generally don't have much interest in weddings. However if it's important to you, you should express that to him and hopefully he will be ok with a small intimate wedding. I don't think it's a red flag at all.
    • Reply
  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
    • Flag
    I was in your same boat when we first started planning for the wedding! It took a while but he eventually came around to the idea and now he’s fully on board! What I’ve learned is that why it’s important to me is so different than the reason it’s important to him. Obviously he’s not excited to spend the money but now he’s proud at the fact that we can pay for it ourselves and provide a fun experience for our families to be together and hang out. He’s more excited to have our family all together and obviously I’m excited for that too but I’m just excited to play out my wedding dreams I’ve always had! Maybe find out what’s important to him and spin it in a way that will make him want one too? It may take time for him to come around but honestly going with things he picks out will help him be more excited about it. My fiancé picked out the venue, the band, and the food and he’s so pumped! Good luck to you!
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    I'd do couples counseling. Partly so you can learn how to articulate your feelings, and partly so he can learn to emphasize with you.


    Weddings are a waste of money, objectively speaking. But there is a LOT of gray area between a courthouse wedding and a giant black tie affair. What matters to you should matter to him. You should be figuring this out at a team.
    • Reply
  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with all of this! My fiance wanted to just elope and be done with it and honestly thought that was our plan at first. But I really wanted to have a nice wedding, and he thought it was a waste of money to have this big day. I was kind of upset at first too, but then he started taking interest in certain things. One thing that he always brought up was having a dance with his mother. He has 3 sisters so his father got to dance with his daughters, but his mother never got to dance with her only son. I told him if we eloped that wouldn't happen. Once he kind of thought things through and planning really started, he started getting more and more into it. Some things, like decor, he says just do what you want, but other things he gives his opinion on, like the food and what he's wearing and our DJ. Maybe try talking to your fiance and express that it's important to you, and you hope he can find some things to look forward to as well. I'm sure it'll come, men just sometimes take longer to get excited than women do!

    • Reply
  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes this is so true!! One of the reasons he didn’t want the wedding was because he hates dancing and doesn’t have a good relationship with his mom (with good reason) but to overcome that we just included other fun activities people could partake in that wasn’t just dancing! We’ll have a cigar bar, caricature artist, yard games, and lots of food/drinks so him and his friends who also don’t like to dance will have other things to do the whole night. I love this idea because I love having activities for everyone to do and he’s more excited! He also promised he would do our first dance and maybe one other dance with a slow song but he just hates being the center of attention and people watching him. I personally love it but we all know it’s all about the bride anyways Smiley winking he’s happy and I’m happy and we’re both excited for our more family reunion style wedding!
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    Perhaps your husband is more focused on the actual marriage than he is about a wedding (since the marriage is the truly important part of it all). Also, if you look at it from his side, he’s probably asking himself similar questions “Why does she care so much about a wedding, a 1-day party?”.... “ Why doesn’t she realize it’s not the best use of our money?”


    Just offering another way to look at it besides only from your side. Maybe you compromise and have a scaled down, intimate event. It doesn’t blow the budget but you still get to have a wedding celebration.
    • Reply
  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Girl, SAME! My fiance HATES dancing and he doesn't like a ton of attention on him either. So we are doing the yard games thing too, luckily our photographer and DJ are bundled together and they offer an option to include the games for like an extra $100. So it was a no brainer. Now he's all excited about that because he knows he won't be bored. He also had a LOT to say when it came to venues, so once we found a venue he liked he was all for it!

    • Reply
  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Aww yay I always love when things work out! He actually picked our venue! We kept changing whether we wanted local of destination and I literally planned the whole thing for the destination and then I realized I just hated the tent they had and I wanted to do local again and be able to plan everything easier and he was like ok we need to just pick something and go with it and COMMIT! He was all about doing the wedding in Michigan where a lot of his family lived but my family is down here in Texas and he was like well I actually went to a wedding in high school at this winery and that was pretty cool and it’s only an hour from us and I love wine and honestly it was perfect so we decided to commit to that venue and we’re both happy! It really is all about compromise and it feels so much more special because he actually picked it and likes it so it was a done deal for me!
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Yea there has to be a middle ground between what he wants and what you want. it's perfectly logical that he doesn't want to spend so much on a single day. so maybe ask him what he's comfortable with spending and try to work with that

    • Reply
  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    What if you still had the wedding but at an affordable cost come up with a budget and a plan to execute your plan. and then present it to him you don't need a big expensive wedding

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics