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Just Said Yes September 2021

Fiancé broke up with me

Emily, on January 11, 2021 at 9:42 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13

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Hi Everyone,

I just discovered this forum, I'm looking for some advice. My fiancé of over a year just broke up with me. We had been dating since August 2017, I moved into his house in May 2018. We got engaged in September 2019 and planned a wedding for September 2020. Due to Covid-19, we decided to delay the wedding a year until September 2021. It's beyond devastating to lose who I thought was my soulmate and best friend. I thought this man would be my husband and father to my children. I'm 31 and I now have to start packing my things to move out. I can't believe I have to start my life over again. He just turned 36 in October and he definitely has his own issues that I don't believe will ever be resolved.

He showed his true colors in 2020 when he started to do things behind my back and lie about it when caught. He works full time in the Army and that has been a point of contention for a majority of our relationship. Work just always consumed him and he would always forget about the important things outside of work. He also struggled with keeping me informed on basic things and giving me common curtesy of saying he'd be home late. Every summer he has to go to annual training for 2 weeks and in July 2020, he went and we had issues ever since then. I found out from that time until October, he had developed a friendship with an 18 year old girl who works for him. He agreed to do couple's therapy and we only made it through 2 months of counseling. He finally realized that it was emotional cheating but he now admits that he dug himself into a hole that he believed he would never get out of and that it would be held over his head for his whole life. He said he just went through the motions with everything else and that we were delaying the inevitable. He said he'd have glimpses of happy times and hope that it would get better but then it would go right back to fighting about something. He said I don't deserve to be treated this way and he's right. I deserve way better for myself. I'm still going to talk the therapist on my own. I think she will help me start to process everything.

Is there anyone else who experienced something similar? Will it ever get better?

Thanks,

Emily

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Emily, on January 13, 2021 at 2:05 PM

VIP October 2022
Samantha · on January 11, 2021 at 9:52 AM
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My 20 year marriage ended in 2010. I thought I would die. It was one of the hardest things I’ve been through. My entire life, and that of our children, was turned upside down. I was fill with hurt and fury at him and the 20 year old he left me for.
Within a couple of years I had a new nickname for her - I called her my Benefactor.
I am happier than I ever thought possible. My life is so incredibly satisfying, rewarding and filled with so much love. It didn’t happen overnight, but it happened. It will for you. My immediate advice: trust only a few people, people that have loyalty to YOU. That’s your circle. They want what is best for you. Of you are financially entangled in ANY WAY get thar taken care of. Freeze your credit. You may not suspect him of anything shady, but he is not the man you fell in love with. It is vital you protect yourself - remove his access to any accounts, change all your passwords, nuke any shared access accounts. You will heal. It will be hard. The only way to get through it is to keep going.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on January 11, 2021 at 10:09 AM
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I am so sorry. This sucks and break ups are always rough. I got dumped right before the day school started and had to be happy teacher and same thing I thought things were going well too. Looking back it was a great thing to happen. Based on the signs that were there, even though it did not seem like it, I think you avoided some issues later and dealing with a divorce is much more complicated. I am sending positive vibes and I pray things get better sooner than later.
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Expert September 2020
Amanda · on January 11, 2021 at 10:33 AM
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He did you a favor, though hard to see it that way. You’re 31- you have time to live a happy life with someone who’s happy to share it with you.
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on January 11, 2021 at 10:38 AM
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I am so sorry that you are going through this, I would definitely start to focus on yourself and getting your happiness back because that comes first. Continue with therapy/counseling but just know that you still have time to find happiness. I wish you the best of luck
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on January 11, 2021 at 10:47 AM
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I'm so very sorry. But it sounds like this was really for the best. Like you said, you deserve better. You shouldn't have to put up with someone that isn't honest, that doesn't value your relationship as much, gets involved with someone else and you constantly fight with. I would continue seeing your therapist and working on yourself. I would also thank your lucky stars that this ended before you got married rather than after. Who knows maybe you will meet someone one and realize this happened for a reason. Until then work on making yourself happy
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VIP August 2020
Katie · on January 11, 2021 at 11:13 AM
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Emily, I am so sorry you are going through this. For what it is worth, a friend of mine had similar issues with her fiancé and they got married to only divorce 7 months later. It was heartbreaking. He made it so much worse by stringing her along through a marriage. It sounds like he does have serious emotional issues that you nor your future family should be subjected to. I guarantee in 5 years time you will be moved on and so happy with a wonderful man. Pity him as it is pathetic that he will remain the same in his issues as you will grow and move beyond to a happier place. Sending love and strength ❤️
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Dedicated April 2021
Janae · on January 11, 2021 at 11:25 AM
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Time will heal all. I definitely have been where you are 6 years ago my ex-fiance and I broke up after being together for 7 years. We grew apart and realized we no longer wanted the same things. He traveled alot for work which in return caused problems on its own. We in returned began to live separate lives. When things ended of course there were alot of confusion, crying,feeling of what we thought was suppose to happen realized it came to an end. Thankfully family was there to help me move on. Now fast forward 6 later I have found my soulmate and so happy things happened they way it did. You have to go through some heartache sometimes to help you find yourself again then over time you will find your other person. Don't be afraid to start over. Its better that you realized you aren't a good fit before you got married and children involved. It doesn't feel like it now but it will be a blessing. Now is the time to focus on making yourself happy!
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on January 11, 2021 at 11:46 AM
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So sorry love. Yes, it will get better, ESPECIALLY if you want it to.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on January 11, 2021 at 11:47 AM
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In hindsight, He did you a favor. It will get better.
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on January 11, 2021 at 12:11 PM
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I am so sorry this happened to you! I know this has to be difficult. It sounds like ending his relationship was the best for both of you. You seemed to have been very patient and understanding with him, even when he might not have deserved it. You will find our true soulmate, and it will be someone that will not do things that hurt you. Good luck and try to stay looking forward to your brighter future!
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VIP August 1997
Belle · on January 11, 2021 at 12:49 PM
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I am very sorry. It will be painful for a while but remember.... you are someone else’s treasure! Leave him behind, and find your Mr.Right. You deserve someone who respect you better than that “lion cheetah”.
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Dedicated September 2021
Amber · on January 11, 2021 at 5:33 PM
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Considering it a blessing in disguise.
This is my 3rd time being engaged (1st one I’ll actually go through with 😊)& looking back now it’s such a blessed the way it worked out.
My FH is my soulmate without any doubt in my mind! We are perfect for each other and I am so glad that I never settled. Things will get better! Keep your head up❤️
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Emily · on January 13, 2021 at 2:05 PM
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Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement. They have helped me tremendously through these dark and confusing days. You brought me pieces of hope for a better future for myself.

Thanks,Emily
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