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Katie
Just Said Yes August 2019

Fiance angry over invited guests

Katie, on July 24, 2019 at 9:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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My fiance is angry with me, because I invited my parent's close friends to our wedding. We are having a very small wedding. I only invited 5 family members, and my fiance 9. My grandmother and mom mentioned how inappropriate and rude it would be if we didn't invite them, and without thinking about it or talking about it with my fiance, I told my family that we can invite them. I do regret not discussing it with my fiance, I definitely should have done that. Now he's upset and gave me an ultimatum that if I don't uninvite them then the wedding is called off. He has never had an issue with these people and we have spent Christmas and other holidays with them. He also invited a friend if his who I have never met, and I did not mind. In the moment, when I invited them, I just didn't think it would be a big deal. Now I do feel regretful for doing it, but my fiance doesn't seem to understand that I can't uninvite them. I feel like he's being very irrational and overreacting about a couple extra guests. Just wondering what everyone's take is on this. Should I really uninvite them? Or should he just forgive me and be okay with it?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Mozabrat, on July 25, 2019 at 1:36 AM
  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    I think if he's willing to call off the wedding because of it there is something else going on with him. I can understand it bothering him some, but that's really an overreaction. I'm not saying anything bad about him I promise. I would not take back that invite, that would also be rude, especially since they didn't do anything wrong. I say just talk to him and find out what's really bothering him. This may have just set him off

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    IMO, no you should not uninvite them. That ultimatum is RIDICULOUS. Itd make me question marrying him...
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  • F
    VIP August 2019
    Futuremrsk ·
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    I think that he is overreacting, especially if he has invited others you have not met. The fact that he gave you an ultimatum makes me raise my eyebrows a little. Should you have talked with him first, yes, especially if you are having a very small wedding. But to call the whole thing off over 2 people seems a little extreme to me. I would let him calm down for a bit, then sit down and have a conversation with him about it.
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  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Ultimatums are the equivalent of my three year old screaming until she gets her way. You should have talk to him about it, but you very obviously acknowledge that. If giving ultimatums is his only way of resolving conflict, that doesn’t bode well for future disagreements even if you manage to resolve this one. I’d suggest premarital counseling to make sure you both have the skills to work through the inevitable conflicts that will arise. Id be asking him if it is really about these extra people you’re inviting, or if there is something else bothering him because you need to be on the same page before taking the next step into marriage.
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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    Like Laura said, there has to be something else going on if this is his reaction. It’s completely extreme and unreasonable.
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  • Sherrie
    Expert August 2019
    Sherrie ·
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    There are bigger issues here. If he's willing to call off the entire wedding because you invited a guest we've got some serious issues. This is absolutely uncalled for, incredibly controlling, and very manipulative. I'd consider calling it off, myself, after that. As others stated, premarital counseling would be good here.
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  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
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    I’m sorry to say this (and it’s coming with the best intentions) but your FH sounds immature, manipulative & controlling. If he is willing to threaten with calling off a wedding over one small mistake/misunderstanding that you made (which is honestly so insignificant in the grand scope of things), I would be running away as fast as I can from that relationship.
    In every marriage, there will be many situations where you won’t agree, or he won’t get what he wants, or you will make mistakes & have misunderstandings. Will he threaten with a divorce every time this happens?! This is honestly unacceptable behavior & a red flag.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    If I was in your situation, yeah, I'd be annoyed, but I would remember it's about the two of you being joined in marriage. I agree with PPs that he's overreacting by making threats to call off the wedding over this. Please know that this is not okay behavior!

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  • Grace
    Dedicated December 2019
    Grace ·
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    Any time an ultimatum shows up in a relationship, it's cause for premarital counseling.
    There's something there. It doesn't mean your marriage won't work out or that this can't be fixed. It just means something is there that needs to be addressed and it's best to have a licensed professional help you both figure out what it is.
    It doesn't make your FH a bad person, it was wrong of him absolutely, but if he's not the kind to usually throw ultimatums out there and now he suddenly is over this, I would think that this ultimatum has been a long time coming about something else in the relationship.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Did he say it in anger in the heat of the moment, or is he sticking to it? Has he ever been like this in other contexts? Talk it out, obviously, but if my fiance did that to me I'd consider ending the relationship entirely. Threatening to call off a wedding is a HUGE ultimatum over something so small. Is it a budget issue? Is he mad that you didn't consult him? My bf and I made our guest lists separately and combined them. I would never tell him who he can or can't invite.
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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    That is a hugely disproportionate reaction to your action which is a big red flag. If something as small as this could cause him to not marry you, then I really think you need to reevaluate this relationship and get some couple's counseling before moving forward.

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  • Mozabrat
    Devoted October 2018
    Mozabrat ·
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    Okay...Houston, we have a problem! “If you don’t uninvite them, the wedding is called off”.
    Yeah, I think there are some things you need to discuss because there is much more to the issue for him to throw that into the mix over something so minor!
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