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Just Said Yes March 2023

Fiance admitted his envious of the friendships i have and other things

Leah, on July 30, 2022 at 7:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

I was recently asked to be a matron of honor in a friend's wedding set for next summer. This is my 7th time I've been asked to be in a wedding and this is the 5th time I've been asked while I've been with FI. My FI has never been asked to be a groomsman or best man in weddings. He feels defective in a sense (his words) because no one has ever asked him. He admitted he feels envious that I have friends and relative who value me enough to include me their in milestone events while none of his friends or relatives don't value him (his words) to include them in their milestone events.

The wedding that I will be a MOH next summer while be held in a neighboring state which is 5 hour drive away. My FI has said he doesn't want to go because it would just be too painful for him because he feels none of his friends or relatives value him enough to include them on their big days. He does admit that his feelings are selfish, but at the same time he feels pain because he realizes that he's not any of his friends' or relatives' favorite friend, cousin, nephew, etc I'm wondering if there is anything I can do to help him deal with this. I know he probably sounds weird to you all, but I think he's just hurting because he's never got to experience the groom's party while many of his friends and relatives have. I know some people will say that being in a wedding party sucks, but I think the issue my FI is facing is not having anyone to ever include him in major things. Before anyone suggests this, yes I've recommended counseling, but he says that it would be too embarrassing for him.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Bird, on August 2, 2022 at 8:04 AM
  • Leslie
    Devoted December 2022
    Leslie ·
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    Aw man! Well I mean I imagine it is fun to be part of a wedding party (I’ve never been a bridesmaid either lol) but one thing he has to realize which will help is that nothing is ever personal. Sometimes it’s just due to circumstances like maybe his friend/family circle don’t have weddings as often as yours so his chances of being asked are slimmer, this doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with him personally😅 I know that in my family/friends circle weddings are very rare (once every 10 yrs or so) since most just decide to live together unmarried which may be the case for him too? Or perhaps a different circumstance? my fiancé also has never been a groomsman as his family and friend circle also rarely has weddings😅 I actually know waaaay more people that have not been part of a wedding party than those who have😅 Hope this helps💖
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  • Bird
    Super June 2021
    Bird ·
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    How are his relationships with his friends and family? For example, I have a lot of friends and family but we’re not close. It used to make me sad that I didn’t have a group of close friends or a group of cousins/family members that were close knit. This can be sad. Maybe you can just support him and try to empathize with him. Remind him that not everyone has close friends and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him. In fact, most people I know don’t have a close group of friends, including myself. My husband does though, and it was sad for me for a few years but I worked through that and I don’t feel sad thinking about it anymore. I wish you guys the best and good luck ❤️
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  • Mrs.evans
    Rockstar October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    This is a first that I have ever heard of this but is a good thing to bring it too our attention. Just in case down the line that might see this in my FH or other men. Ok have you spoken to his friends and family on why they never included him in big milestones events. I'm sorry that he feels this way I dont really ha e any advice but to what I just mentioned but. I can pray that this get resolved so he will feel better but I know that you don't want to travel nor be without him. May God heal this burned off of his heart
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  • Bailey
    Expert October 2023
    Bailey ·
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    Aww, I can totally understand why he feels this way. I'm glad he admitted he knew that these feelings are selfish, because honestly they are. It's okay be to be jealous, but to the point where he doesn't want to attend a wedding that you're in, is a bit much.

    Does your FH have any super close friends or family who have excluded him, or is he lacking in super close friends and family in general?

    I experienced something similar and realized I had to do something to change it. So I started putting in a lot more effort with my friends and even acquaintances to build better relationships, and it definitely produces some amazing friendships and wedding party experiences. Being in someone's wedding is an honor, and maybe he doesn't put forth enough effort in his friendships? Is he flaky with his friends? I hope that doesn't come off offensively, I'm just shooting in the dark for reasons why he maybe isn't being included by his friends!

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  • L
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Leah ·
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    His friends and family have about the same amount of weddings as my friends and family do.

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  • L
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Leah ·
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    He has close friends and relatives who have excluded him. My FI has a set of 4 close friends who he hangs out with often. They golf, play cornhole, and go to concerts or sporting events. 2 of those 4 friends are married, but didn't ask my FI to be a part of their weddings. FI has asked them to be in our wedding. I did mention that maybe the other 2 guys will include him if they ever marry, but he says he has his doubts on that.

    My FI isn't flaky and he's been there for friends during tough situations. One friend's father passed away this past January and the dad lived several states away and his friend was going through a tough financial situation and my FI paid his airfare so the friend could travel to the funeral and visit family. My FI also allowed another friend to live with him rent free several years back when that friend lost a job and broke his lease because he couldn't pay rent. I think it's hard because he has stepped for friends and also relatives and no one ever includes them in their big days.

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  • L
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Leah ·
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    No I haven't spoken to his friends and family about why he's not included in their milestones and I wouldn't speak to them because it's not my place. I'm trying to figure out ways to comfort help/guide him.

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  • Mrs.evans
    Rockstar October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Ok and yes I can understand that you do want to put on spot I still hope and pray he starts to feel better soon
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  • Bailey
    Expert October 2023
    Bailey ·
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    It sounds like this is on your FH friends, and that he is being the best friend that he can be. I think by including those friends in his wedding, he has a significant chance of being in the remaining two friends weddings. I hope you can comfort him and let him know he isn't the problem, being left out is still, as an adult, one of the worst damn feelings!

    He seems very kind and generous and I pray that the remaining 2 friends will make him feel included, but he also should learn to let the feelings pass. Ultimately, there is absolutely nothing he can do to change the situation because he's already being an amazing friend!

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  • L
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Leah ·
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    One of the two remaining friends is someone who bounces around from relationship to relationship and the other friend has three brothers and my FI figures if that friend marries his brothers will be in the wedding automatically there won't be much room for friends.

    I don't think comforting him will be enough because being left out always sucks.

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  • Bird
    Super June 2021
    Bird ·
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    Have his friends and family who didn’t include him have large amounts of groomsmen?


    Maybe they were very selective and only chose their brother instead of a bunch of friends? This would have zero to do with their relationship with your fiancé and more to do with the fact that they wanted smaller bridal parties.
    Another thing to note is that sometimes the bride has a say on the groomsmen. Maybe he would create an uneven amount of groomsmen to her bridesmaids. (I personally wouldn’t be concerned with that but I know many are)

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