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January 2020

Fh's Sister & sil Are Upset About Children's Rule

Loto03876, on August 2, 2019 at 11:02 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 35

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So, my FH and I decided to have no children under 6 at our wedding. We made this rule because 2 of his nephews are absolute DESTROYERS and their mother allows them to do whatever they want. We chose the age 6 because that age won't split any families up. FH has a large family (he's the last of 9), so having an adult-only is out of the question for us and this was our best option. Also, we do want our nieces and nephews there because it'll break some of their hearts if they found out they couldn't come.

Anyway, so his sister (the one with the destroyers lol) and his SIL were complaining about the rule and tried to suggest that we pay for a babysitter. You can call me what you want, but I didn't hesitate to say HELLLL NOOOO. Now I would have if my wedding was far but my wedding is local and is just a short drive. I am even having a Sunday wedding because they believe that the sabbath is on Saturday.
And what's crazy, the ones that are making the demands aren't even close with my FH and only talk to him when they need something. His own sister didn't claim FH as her brother for the majority of his childhood because he has a different dad. Like, you've got to be out of your whole mind.
Also, the sister's own husband is not going to the wedding because he doesn't participate in anything family-related, so why not have him watch his own kids? And his SIL has plenty of local family members that already watch her child now, so what makes my wedding day any different? Chile, I cannot.

Anyway, what are your thoughts? I'm not gonna budge and pay because they have 10+ months to figure it out lol but I would still like to hear your thoughts 😁.

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35 Comments

Latest activity by Wendy, on August 3, 2019 at 6:40 PM

VIP October 2020
Kelly · on August 2, 2019 at 11:07 AM
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I think unless the venue has an age limit, or you're going hard with liquor for 21+, it's poor taste to have an age limit.
You don't have to pay for a babysitter, that's ridiculous. But you kind of deserve getting an earful in my opinion. 🤷
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on August 2, 2019 at 11:11 AM
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I agree with your position. It’s YOUR day and you can set whatever rules you want. You certainly don’t need kids running all around creating problems. As long as you and your FH are on the same page then do it. And NO you shouldn’t have to pay for a babysitter.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 2, 2019 at 11:12 AM
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I do think the age limit is ridic to be honest.

But I also don't get why the husband can't watch the kids and it is unnecessary to ask for you to pay for a babysitter.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on August 2, 2019 at 11:15 AM
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Age limits cause tons of uncalled for drama. I think it’s rude to invite some nieces and nephews and not others. If you insist on doing an age limit, 6 is very odd and makes it clear that you’re excluding one sister’s children and not the other nieces and nephews. You obviously knew all of this when making your decision and don’t seem to care whose feelings you hurt.
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Devoted December 2021
Cristina · on August 2, 2019 at 11:17 AM
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I think you've been very fair. You've given them plenty of time and it's local so they won't be far away. Older kids tend to be better behaved anyway. I know my FSIL's kids can be terrors so I'm worried about them.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on August 2, 2019 at 11:18 AM
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This is why age limits can be a problem and inviting in circles is a better practice. If I was SIL id be pissed to know other nieces and nephews were included but my children were purposely not.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 2, 2019 at 11:30 AM
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I probably would have just gone 21 and up if it were me. I could see how allowing a 7 year old but not a 5 year old could insult some parents. We didn't restrict anyone at our wedding, but our venue did have a kids room and we paid for a professional nanny service to be in the room from 5 PM - 8 PM (ceremony & speeches & dinner) if people wanted to use it. Several parents used it, so we were happy kids had somewhere to go if they were bored.
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January 2020
Loto03876 · on August 2, 2019 at 11:32 AM
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It's other kids that are being excluded as well, not just hers
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January 2020
Loto03876 · on August 2, 2019 at 11:36 AM
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They're not upset with the age limit because they know their kids are destroyers, they're more upset with having to find their own babysitters. Which is kind of funny tbh
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on August 2, 2019 at 11:37 AM
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But is it other nieces and nephews? I would never dream of inviting one of our nieces and telling another one they weren’t welcome.
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January 2020
Loto03876 · on August 2, 2019 at 11:38 AM
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Thanks for your feedback, hopefully the kids aren't too bad on your wedding day.
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January 2020
Loto03876 · on August 2, 2019 at 11:40 AM
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Yea, all the kids that are affected by the rule are too young to even care, most cant even speak. That's why we went with 6
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January 2020
Loto03876 · on August 2, 2019 at 11:42 AM
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The way the family ages are, we don't have the issue you proposed of one being 7 and one being 5, that's why we chose the age of 6.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 2, 2019 at 11:44 AM
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I was just giving an example, even not allowing a 4 year old but allowing a 10 year old could insult some people. I've seen much better behaved 3 year olds than I have 8 or 9 year olds in some cases. Obviously it's your decision, I personally just think it should be everyone or adults only and not in between. Inviting some nieces & nephews and not others will probably insult the parents too.
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Devoted April 2021
Allaura · on August 2, 2019 at 11:52 AM
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If you have a wedding website you could put local babysitters or websites they can use to get babysitters on there. Or send them names and stuff directly. I think the age limit is rude but to each their own.
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January 2020
Loto03876 · on August 2, 2019 at 11:52 AM
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I know it was an example, but I was saying we don't have those "close in age" issues with the rule. And the parents don't have an issue with the age rule, they really have an issue with having to find a sitter. I wouldn't impose the rule if the kids negatively impacted. The family dynamics are kind of weird, so I can get how its hard to comprehend.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on August 2, 2019 at 11:56 AM
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I mean you can’t say you want all your nieces and nephews there and then say you purposely made this rule so you could exclude two of your nephews. Say no if that’s what you want, but be prepared that this could completely alter the relationship they have with you and your FH.
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January 2020
Loto03876 · on August 2, 2019 at 11:57 AM
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Call me rude then cuz the limit stays 😂 but thanks for your feedback
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on August 2, 2019 at 12:00 PM
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In general, any time you limit any version of kids, expect angry parents. This is especially true of direct family. My sister and mother were incredibly angry when we went with no-kids. I HAD even offered babysitting, and she was still angry. She had 7 months to plan child care, but immediately chose her husband to stay home with the kids.
Add that to having limits, that becomes even more chaotic! Just stick firm to your decision. You'll probably get flack for it up to the wedding, and maybe a bit after.
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January 2020
Loto03876 · on August 2, 2019 at 12:02 PM
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I never said I wanted all my nieces and nephews, buy ok. And I explained the nature of the relationship already, so I'm not worried about that. But thanks for your feedback.
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