Fh’s mother is overstepping

I know it's hard to do but you are going to have to be firm. You and the FH need to sit her down and talk about this together. If she knows you are both thinking the same thing and are standing united on these issues than she may back off. If not than you and the FH will need to be prepared for the aftermath she may unleash.

She is nuts, but FH has to deal with her. I would ask FH, if he thinks it would be a good idea to include her in stuff.

Gotta say there's no way I'd be inviting someone like this to my dress shopping or even letting her know who's in the bridal party...she can find out at the wedding.

I also wouldn't include her in anything that your FH isn't going to be present for. If he's going along to cake tasting, fine. If he's not, then no.

Tell her exactly how many people she can invite and hold firm on that number! 110?? Who is she, the Queen of England?

edited to add: Make sure she knows you and FH have final approval on who she invites. Ex's family? No thank you.

I agree with everything PP's have said. She's out of line and this is definitely something FH should confront her about. My FMIL started drama at the beginning of our engagement and he shut it down very quickly. If she decides she doesn't want to contribute to the rehearsal dinner after you make major cuts to her guest list, so be it. It's YOUR wedding and you and FH have time to save the extra funds for the rehearsal dinner which could be something as laidback as pizza, everyone loves pizza!

I definitely agree with pps that your fiance needs to tell his mom to stop. It's only going to get worse if he doesn't put a firm but kind end to it from now!!!

Simple. Mail out the invitations to the guests that you and your fiance agree to pay for. When people find out they didn't get an invite after they went out, she can put her foot in her mouth to explain why.

Wow. 110 people?! no no thats insane. i know its hard but your FH has to step in. unfortunately it will make him the bad guy of course but that is just too much. especially if you don't even know them. or you could tell her you'll take her guest list and SOME people might be able to make the cut. since she isn't paying she doesn't really have a choice, in my opinion. best of luck.

Whether or not your FMIL has a big part in planning the details of your wedding is up to you and FH. It's your wedding. I have so many things to say about this, I don't even know where to start.

First, this is YOUR and FHs wedding. Don't forget that. Don't let others (no matter who they are) bully you into making decisions, or picking things you don't want for your wedding.

If you and FH are paying for this wedding (not counting the RD), the guest list is up to you two. You can certainly go over FMILs list, and see if there's anyone on it that FH wants to invite. But you are not obligated to invite these people, just because FMIL wants them. More guests equals more cost, so that is really up to you and FH.

It sounds like you have plenty of support and advice just from your own family! You don't have to tell FMIL every little detail. You can pick and choose what you tell her about the wedding, the planning, your decisions. The less she knows, the less there is for her to criticize. If you want her to go dress shopping with you, then ask her. But if you don't want her opinion on your color choices, or your decor ideas, don't give her the details. The phrases, "I'm still working on that" OR "I haven't made a decision on that yet" can become your best friends when you are pressured with awkward questions. Another one is, "thanks for your input, I'll keep that in mind."

You may have to ask FH to talk to her about her level of involvement. He needs to back you up, and make sure she's not pressuring you. Sometimes having a task can help this. If FMIL is paying for and putting together the rehearsal dinner, let her work on that. She can plan the location, the type of food, any decor, etc. Just give her a list of who should be invited, and let her run with it.

If she isn't paying for the actual wedding she gets 0% say. Have your FH go through her list and pick the people he wants there, the rest are not invited. Then you have to be firm and not really include her in plans. Keep things vague. Really pump up the rehearsal dinner so she focuses on that! Good luck!