Fh's Family feeling excluded???!

It sounds like there have been times where she could have helped with things but they might not be things she wants to help with. Her bringing up the tasting makes it sound like they want to be more involved in "fun" things rather than painting mason jars. She may also be bitter that she isn't in the bridal party, but too late now.

Next time you talk to her, tell her you hired professionals to take care of everything so that the family doesn't have to help or work on the wedding day. You want them to enjoy it as much as you do. If she brings up the tasting again then remind her FH didn't even go. It doesn't really matter at this point but if it's brought up again I'd just say that and move on.

My short answer is they don't even need to be involved. And you've given them multiple opportunities, it seems as if they were expecting you to ask something different of them- maybe your requests are "below" them? We're not doing any speeches, toasts (other than us saying thank you), dances, etc, and we wouldn't care if someone complained, because as you said, it's not their wedding. Have you talked to FH about this? What are his thoughts?

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I think she is bitter about not being in the BP but my OWN sister's aren't in the bridal party. I have 4 ppl on my side and my FH only has a best man. He didn't ask any of his brothers to be a groomsman. She just has this weird family view as family should be involved in everything and it doesn't work like that. FH doesn't want that.

I do agree she only wants to do the fun things but the tasting wasn't that great. And my mom only attended bc she happened to be coming to Cle for a picnic. Otherwise it would have just been me. Just so annoying to bring it up three weeks prior to the wedding.

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He agrees with me. He spoke with his sister about her and told her, she should have come to him first instead of me. He confirmed everything has been decided by us and he made the decision to not include his mother in the tastings and other wedding things. His mom did ask to help about a month ago but we didn't need any help and I said so. I also thought the conversation wThere is literally nothing to help with besides escort cards and spray painting the mason jars. Other than that, everything is being handled by the DOC and event manager!

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In that case, tell them to suck a lemon!

It doesn’t sound like she wants to HELP with wedding tasks, it sounds like they want to be involved/honored as a family. She might have only recently brought it up bc maybe her family (parents) were talking about it and it got in her head. I didn’t include my family in my BP but I did have everyone walk down the aisle so they know how special and important they are to me — it seems like that’s what they’re looking for. Giving them chores absolutely won’t help this, and it’s probably why you’ve gotten radio silence in response . What they want is to feel special, not to feel like workers. If you want a solution, I’d do something like giving each sibling a flower (corsage/boutineer) or any sort of thing to make them feel recognized. But, that’s ultimately your choice — not something you have to do. You can also do nothing. Say “I’m sorry. We’re certainly not trying to be exclusionary. We’re just trying to plan the wedding we want, and we want to keep it simple. We love our families, but wanted to make the day about us. That said, we’re so excited to have you there! That’s what really matters to us”

Sounds to me that she's upset about not being in the bridal party and this is a last-ditch effort to get on it. I don't understand, like you said, WHY she waited this long to say anything, but even if she had said something sooner, she's not entitled to anything. You asked her for help on things you needed, she decided not to participate, so that's on her.

I'd just ignore it. Next time you see her tell her you're sorry she feels excluded, but you just wanted her to enjoy the day instead of be involved. If she's still upset, again, on her. You didn't do anything wrong!

Weddings bring out the worst in people. Everyone wants to be included and for things to be perfectly equal regarding relatively mundane aspects of a wedding, such as a tasting. Everyone wants to be the VIP who gives a speech, signs as a witness, reads a paragraph, etc. without considering all the time, money and effort the couple spend to make it a reality. I say ignore it. I think it was kind of out of line of her to start talking about who got what in that phone call, but ultimately the day of she’ll probably have too much fun to care if she got a corsage or set place cards lol.

Oh my god this is so similar to what we're going through! His sister (who lives in MN and who I have met TWICE in four years...) has suddenly decided she "Feels left out" and is trying to weasel her way into our rehearsal dinner and pre wedding activities. First it was "well I'm driving dad." Then when we said we could transport him, it was "well I'm the sister" and I said that one of my own sisters wasn't even in the bridal party and wasn't coming to the dinner. "Well it's tradition to invite the whole family!" The rehearsal dinner is for the bridal party ONLY and we made that clear from day 1 (it's a Thursday, and everyone else is FINE with it) plus we are at room capacity. Then she comes at me with a private Facebook message about "feeling left out and hurt that everyone in the family is involved but her." Ok, girl, you make no secret that you hate your mother and grandmother. You make no effort to visit or even keep in touch with us (we're in Chicago). You ONLY get along with your dad and brother (groom). You have made no effort to help with the planning or shown any excitement over the wedding. The only thing you've done was send us a gift by mail and make your hotel reservation. We gave ample opportunities for you to participate and you ignored them. Why come at us now - 2 weeks beforehand - and try to start drama?

My advice: just stick to your guns and keep doing what you're doing. You cannot make everyone happy, and no matter what you do someone is going to be disappointed or feel left out. You've made it this far with the choices you have made, and you're happy with them. Don't let one party pooper rain on your parade! Good move on having someone else deal with them

View Quoted Comment So sorry you're also dealing with SIL drama. I swear mecury must be in retrograde cause what is happening w siblings acting up so close to the wedding date! Good luck at your weekend! Hope all goes smoothly!

I'm going to stick to my guns on this!

Wow. You've given her multiple opportunities to help with things. It sounds like she wants to be in the wedding party or give a speech...basically she wants to do something that involves being seen. I think you handled this situation perfectly. Hopefully she'll stop bugging you.

Something always means something else. I always thought that if you want to be involved, you get involved you dont wait for someone to involve you. You ask exactly how you can be of help, you check in w the person a few times throughout whatever time period. given she basically ignores when you bring up things you need her help with... it is def not about being involved in your wedding per se but more so being in the spot light at whatever cost. if she is not the bride, she is in the center of potential drama. i wouldn't give her that opportunity. just ignore it all together and dont stress it....

Honestly this would be really petty, but I'd send her a screenshot of the times you asked her to help and she didn't respond, then say something like I tried to involve you, and if those aren't the things you wanted to do, you should have spoke up about it then. At this point, we dont have much left to do. Sorry.

I wouldn't read even bring up bridal party cause, that shouldn't be expected by anyone

Hi Brit, I am sorry that you are experiencing this with your fil’s. I have a similar-ish issue with fmil & fsil. So, we’ve been engaged since 12/2017 and our wedding is March, 2019. Since before we even got engaged fmil & fsil were super excited to talk ab out anything involving me and FH. Baby talk was big but I had to put the brakes on that not so gently, lol I mean I couldn’t even say my stomach hurt or I wanted to eat something because I swear they would start telling everyone that I was pregnant. Lol! Anyway fast forward to now us being engaged and they have complained to me about not being there when I do wedding stuff but they both drive and always assume that I’ll be picking them up and dropping them off, so often times the day of they’ll be silent until we start checking in to see their status/eta and they’re like oh we might take a Lyft instead because fsil boyfriend isn’t ready to pick them up and take them to go look at dresses or flowers. Or they feel too full or bloated to try on dresses so after making me add another dress appointment for them neither of them want to try absolutely anything on and show up 30 minutes late. FH and I did our food tasting with both our moms and we were given 4 different combinations of plates to try and when she was given a plate she went on to say that only she would eat that plate and didn’t offer for anyone else to try regardless of us all sharing our plates at the very end she said why don’t you pick the salmon I liked it, it was good. Umm because you didn’t even let me try it, sorry, not sorry! After about 10 months of planning they have willingly only attended and made it on time to one event and that was to go see the venue when we were choosing. FH stepdad is in his own little world and always “wants” to be involved but plays Casper the unfriendly ghost whenever something is scheduled and doesn’t answer his phone or anything. I let FH know how I felt and what had led me to feel that way and even he has to argue with his mom and sister sometimes telling them that they never try to visit us even though they often go and visit cousins and aunts that they used to not get along with. Whatever FH knows I made multiple efforts as long as he knows and he’s got my back I am not worried.