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Marcia
Expert March 2021

fh wants to change our date because of Covid

Marcia, on August 10, 2020 at 9:32 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 15
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FH and I are planning to get married in March of 2021. Our date of choice caused a ton of drama with my family, and I held my ground on not delaying because it was really important to FH, to the point of losing family members.



Now FH has been reading the news about covid and vaccines. His closest cousins' family and one of his best friends wont travel until there is a vaccine, so FH wants to push the wedding back to Fall of 2021 to increase the chances of these guests coming. We already have talked about needing to prepare to downsize our guest list in case, but now FH also seems to be upset about doing that.
My issue is that I went to bat with several members of my family over our original date and talked at length about how it was so important to us that I couldn't back down. I feel like changing it will make things worse. I just am afraid to go through all the drama and gossip again, I would rather elope than do it. But FH is really pushing.
What should I do?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Cassandra, on August 11, 2020 at 1:35 AM
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    March is still a bit away so anything can happen (my wedding is also in March and we’re not talking about changing anything yet). Even if you pushed it back to fall there is no guarantee that a vaccine that actually works will be out!
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  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I agree, March is a while away. And nothing is a guarantee at this point. I would have postponing as a realistic back up. Mine was moved once to June 2021 and I am not doing any changes until February. Sending you positive thoughts!

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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    This is a decision for you and your FH, but personally - I'd keep the date. Everything is getting better and I've heard vaccines will be available as soon as the first of the year. Our wedding is in 61-days and it's smaller (50 guests) but we're still full steam ahead with no plans to cancel and all our guests have accepted. The few that declined are only because of other commitments (professor and teaching).

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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    If I am reading your post correctly, it sounds as though the date in March wasn’t especially important to you, it was just important to FH. Which it sounds as though he has had a change of heart. It also sounds as though family members on both sides were concerned about that date. If that is the case, I would just push it back to fall 2021.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Yes, I’m not looking into moving our March date until probably December/January. Right now I’m planning as it will still happen as planned
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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    It sounds like the March date was so important to FH that you fought for it to the detriment of some of your family relationships. I would make sure he understands this. He is now upset that some of his family/friends won’t one in March, but it wasn’t important when you were risking your family relationships? That’s not ok.
    A real heart to heart with FH is required. Your family and friends are just as important as his and you have sacrificed some of yours for him. It’s time for him to step up and sacrifice now.
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  • Samantha
    Devoted September 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I think it is too early to talk about pushing. The venues probably wouldn’t even allow it if you have anything booked. I say by November or December if things aren’t looking good I would reschedule, if they let you.
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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    A vaccine at the very very earliest will be available August 2021 at the latest the year 2033. Vaccines take time to be properly developed and tested. There may be medication to for treatment, but that also must be thoroughly tested. You cannot put your lives on hold for an undetermined amount of time. There are many disappointments in life and unfortunately, you need to have a serious discussion with your FH about the unnecessary stress you are under.
    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted October 2021
    Adrienne ·
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    Definitely have a discussion with your FH about the backlash you will face with your family. As a PP said, it's not really fair he is okay to postpone because his family wants him to, but not when your family wants you to. But I don't think you should make a decision to postpone until maybe the end of this year/early next year. Right now is too early to tell and a lot can change between now and March. Venues/vendors may even give you a hard time about postponing right now, as you still have several months before your date.

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  • Marcia
    Expert March 2021
    Marcia ·
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    I think this is right. I don't want to make our date contingent on anyone but us, which is why I originally fought for our date. But now it feels like he is making it contingent on all these other people. He says it's important to have them there because they will be a part of the support system for our marriage, but he never brought that up when we fought with my family
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  • Marcia
    Expert March 2021
    Marcia ·
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    This perfectly describes how I feel. It's hard because it feels like I was committed unconditionally to getting married to him and now he has all these conditions for me. I think he probably doesn't fully understand how hard standing up to my family was.
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  • Marcia
    Expert March 2021
    Marcia ·
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    This perfectly describes how I feel. It's hard because it feels like I was committed unconditionally to getting married to him and now he has all these conditions for me. I think he probably doesn't fully understand how hard standing up to my family was.
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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    Respect goes both ways. You should not be the only one to compromise. His family will still be a support system regardless of attendance. Does he have a good relationship with your family?
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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    I think you need to say that to him. Good luck to you. Know that you are not in the wrong in this situation.
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  • Cassandra
    Dedicated October 2021
    Cassandra ·
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    Are they waiting for the vaccine to be out or widely distributed? Two very different things. For both the vaccine will probably not be out for a long time and it will take years for it to be given out to the population enough for things to be really safe. There is also talk it might only be 50% effective and might not be long lasting. So really talk to your FH and ask him to really sit down and think about why you had to defend his original date causing you, your family, and his family pain only to change him mind on a few people not coming. Also will he be having you push back the date again if come August the vaccine is not out?
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