fh wants Catholic wedding

Hi! I'm sorry you're stressing about this! I'm having a Catholic ceremony, and hopefully, this will help... we are living together and they are marrying us. We are both baptized, and it is our first marriage. I would say you need to attend mass at a few different churches in your area just to get the feel of the priest/deacon and congregation in general. You need to feel comfortable in the place you will get married and possibly continue attending for years to come. Once you find your place, I would make a meeting with either the priest, deacon or someone who coordinates new members and learn about joining the church. This would be a good time to talk to them about their feelings about marrying you in your situation. You may have to get baptized to get married in the church or have your children baptized down the road if you pursue that. We have been welcomed by the church leaders, but we are required to take a 2-part course in prep for marriage, and we are meeting with a couple from our church to help us talk through marriage as a Catholic couple. I wouldn't stress, every church is different in their "rules" some way more strict than others. Many Catholic churches are embracing all kinds of families and situations, so it might not be as bad as you think! I truly wish you the best of luck in your marriage!

I originally wanted a Catholic wedding. I am Catholic, and so is FH. However...the church we went to needed both of us to have completed all of our sacraments (baptism, communion, and confirmation) which I did. FH didn't make his confirmation. They wanted him to at least be taking classes to have the completed.theu wanted all originally certificates from each sacrament as well. Plus you have to go to pre Cana, and then also pay for the church.
We ultimately decided against it. It just felt like to much.

Well I have a few questions:
1. When he says catholic wedding is he meaning just in the church or a full mass wedding? This is a big question because if you are not catholic then you have to get permission from the bishop to have a full mass wedding. Otherwise, you are having a liturgy only without mass ceremony or a ceremony between a catholic and non-catholic ceremony.
2. Do you want to become Catholic? This would be another question to think about as you will be asked during an interview with the person in charge of weddings at the church. I was just baptized and confirmed last November in the Catholic Faith after going through an annulment process and a year of classes because I was previously married and never baptized. I know we broke a lot of “rules” coming into our engagement. We have been living together for 5 years now, I have two kids with my ex, who will not be baptized until they want to be and I have previously been married. None of this has stopped my process to become Catholic and our parish and community has been nothing but supportive of us. I would say that you need to search how you feel about all of it and what you want in the end.

View Quoted Comment Yeah. I’m wondering if he’s going to end up just skipping out on the church idea eventually. I don’t mind taking the classes and such but I know there’s going to be a lot of hoops to jump through. And It’s really keeping us from picking a date. I appreciate you commenting!

View Quoted Comment Darin doesn’t want the full mass. I personally do not mind talking the courses or raising our children catholic. But with that being said, it will take me a while to want to be baptized in the catholic faith when I don’t know anything about it. But I would be open to the idea once i learn more about it and attend services. I just pray that there is a Parrish that will be accepting of this information and willing to accept us.

The best thing to do is find a church that you would want to get married in and talk to them. Let them know that you are interested in eventually joining the church but not at this exact moment. Make sure you also let them know that you are okay with your kids being baptized and you are or will be attending mass until you are ready. That should ease their minds a bit and be more welcoming of your marriage in the church.

Also, like others have said, there are a lot of hoops to jump through if you use the church. If you are not using your own parish church then they are usually double the price to use. I know ours is that way but we only paid $800 because we are members. One thing that has really hit us that we are accepting is that you don’t get to tailor your wedding. Just like mass, everything is scripted and structured. You can’t bring in non-liturgical music or write you own vows. Just some things to think about. Good luck!!

Also, some parishes/congregations will require that at least one of you be attending church regularly and a member (including making regular contributions) of some Catholic church. Since your husband was raised in the faith, would he be willing to do that? Does he want to be a practicing Catholic and member of a parish? If he doesn't, he may decide it's less important to him to be married in the church than he originally thought. My husband was raised Catholic, and occasionally went to Mass near where we lived, but had no interest in actually becoming a member of any parish. Although, mostly to please his very devout mother, he initially suggested we get married in a Catholic church (I am not Catholic and had no desire to leave my denomination to convert), he quickly dropped the idea when he realized he'd have to put a fair amount of effort into making it happen. I think at least one person needs to be fully committed to the Catholic faith, or it's significantly more challenging to get married in the church.

My brother’s wife was not Baptized, they were living together, and ended up getting married in the Catholic Church. They had to get a dispensation (permission) and he had to promise to raise the kids Catholic. You have to take the pre-marriage classes but it can totally be done.

Definitely meet with the priest and talk about it! While this is not the reason, many older Catholic Churches are gorgeous and the traditions are beautiful. His turned out amazing and my SIL was thrilled.

Best thing for you to do is decide where you want to get married and look at the churches there. Then schedule an appointment to talk to the priest. Some priests are more strict than others. Mine was really easy to work with.
My husband is not catholic but was baptized in a different church, so a slightly different situation. But, we also lived together and all he did was stop writing, tell us the divorce rate was
higher among couples that live together before hand, and then continue filling out the form. That’s not always the case though.

Are you willing to be baptized? That would be the first thing to consider.

My FH and I live together and we haven't had any issues (yet) brought up from the church over this.

View Quoted Comment I’m glad to hear you guys are not having any issues! I would be interested in being baptized but not just to be baptized to get married there if that makes sense. I would need to learn more to be baptized

I think it just depends on the actual church. Ive heard of the Catholic Church requiring both individuals to be baptized as catholic, or just singing a document saying that you will raise your kids in the Catholic Church.

Definitley do do your research, and weigh the commitments.

You can absolutely get married in the Catholic church as long as one of you is Catholic. You do not need to convert. If your FI doesn't want a full mass anyway, then it's even less of an issue. Just be honest about it when talking with churches!

You will have to get special permission to marry if you're not baptized. (permission from Bishop) You dont need to convert.

There will be pre-wedding classes for both of you. You and your FH need to find a church and become registered members. You need to do this soon, because there can be a waiting period for when you can book a marriage.

My fiancé is Catholic and I am not nor will ever be. He has 4 priests and a nun in the family. I have first hand experience with this!
You have to check with your local parish or diocese. You could get one answer in Miami and another in San Diego. The biggest obstacle to overcome is if one of you is divorced. I have never heard of any church that will recognize your marriage without an annulment. In the Catholic Church your marriage is not a contract but a sacrament that lasts forever. Or at least til death do you part.

I have never been baptized. But I have to have to family members sign a paper testifying that I am free to marry (never been married before.) I forget what they call it.
We had to do an online survey separately and when the deacon got the results we met with him twice. We did a one day pre-Cana in church and a weekend encounter. That’s it. We live together and the deacon told him don’t bother confessing it every week because he’s just going to keep living in sin anyway. He said times have changed, and the Church is changing. As long as we are not divorced or cousins, the Church will not stop us from getting married. Even though FH has gone to this church since junior high he never actually registered. So he registered but I did not.

So while other posters here may give you advice saying you have to do this or that, I will repeat to check with a local church. And if they tell you no, try again. We were not told no, but a family friend was turned away when his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted to marry at another church in the county. FH asked his uncle, a Monsignor, for advice. He said try another parish and he was right.

I do not have to have a mass to be married in the church, but ours allows it and it’s what FH wants so I’m okay with that. Especially since his uncle will marry us if his health permits.

Good luck!

Hi! I was in your boat. I was never baptized and grew up with religion. My FH is Catholic and we love an hour from his church. We started by going to different masses and then picked the one we felt best fit us. I became catholic going through RCIA, was baptized and everything this Easter. The classes took about 7 months. On top of those classes we had to do separate classes and seminars for marriage. It was a long process but it is what FH wanted. We live together and got a slight talking too from our priest but in the end all was fine. We get married in 19 days and we can’t wait. If you have any other questions shoot me a message!

View Quoted Comment I really appreciate this post. I was starting to feel defeated but now I feel a lot calmer and hopeful about finding a church that will marry us ❤️ How exciting!!! You are so close!