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Dedicated October 2019

fh friends flavor of the month 🙄

STBMrsMartin, on August 10, 2019 at 7:59 PM Posted in Planning 0 20

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So here we are a day away from filling out our invites and sending RSVPs when his friend starts talking about this girl he is seeing. We chose to not give him a plus one because he has a different girl a month. So a few nights ago this man lets call him “D” texts and says he met an adventurous girl and wants to go kayaking with us today if we go (this is a weekend activity for me and my fiancé and we go often) this guy has never been on a kayak a day in his life. He is a playboy, loafer wearing, sitting at home playing video games, getting drunk middle aged man who swipes tinder for his weekend fun. If this guy is serious about this girl I don’t mind giving him a plus one but we made the guest list and have a set number of people we can invite per the venue. Now my fiancé is making a big deal about this girl. I am a little irritated bc I don’t want to invite some random girl he is hooking up with to my intimate small wedding and have him frolic a random he met on tinder around. If this girl is around in Oct I don’t mind saying yeah we had a few people say they weren’t coming and sure bring her but right now I’m a little upset about the scene my FH is making over this chick he only got screen shots off for approval of hotness....any thoughts???

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20 Comments

Latest activity by STBMrsMartin, on August 11, 2019 at 8:23 AM

VIP December 2019
Michelle · on August 10, 2019 at 8:17 PM
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A plus one is a plus one no matter who the plus one is. Is he in the wedding? If so he gets a plus one
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on August 10, 2019 at 8:21 PM
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We had our wedding at a venue with a 75 person limit. We gave all of my husbands single friends plus ones. Two of his friends ended up getting in relationships after we made our list, so it worked out. The others chose not to bring dates. His BM was going to bring a date but a week or so before the wedding he didn't have a name. I told him he had to make a decision because we didn't want to pay for a dinner that would not be eaten. If you really don't want to give him a plus one, have your FH be honest with him. Tell him you can't say yes right now.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 10, 2019 at 9:18 PM
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You don't have to. I mean it also sounds like you are at capacity due to the venue anyway
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 10, 2019 at 11:50 PM
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Plus ones are for single people, and couples need to be invited together. Also, some users here on WW have met their spouse on Tinder. Just something to remember
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Devoted April 2021
Allaura · on August 11, 2019 at 12:14 AM
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I’d just say “We’re at capacity and there is no room for a plus one.”
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Dedicated December 2019
Grace · on August 11, 2019 at 12:39 AM
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I think you need to sit down and see why FH is so set on his friend having this girl as his plus one. And be open minded.
I also would not want one of my FH's friend's flavor of week at my wedding because they're a stranger to me. But your FH might just want his friend to be happy and have a good time which is also valid.
I feel like there's a happy compromise which is to tell your FH that you're more than happy to make space for his friend's date if they're in a relationship, but that you don't want a stranger, who you'll never see again after the wedding, there celebrating with you. If he isn't alright with this compromise, you gotta decide if this is the hill you want to die on, ya know? Like is it worth arguing over and adding more stress to your planning? (It totally would be a hill I'd die on tbh but to be fair, I don't like people LOL)
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Super October 2020
Renee · on August 11, 2019 at 12:45 AM
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If he does get a plus one, just remember to make sure shes on the edge of photos that are taken so she can get removed later. Its easier to cut/crop a picture of someone on the end than someone who's in the middle
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Just Said Yes August 2019
Breez · on August 11, 2019 at 12:55 AM
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I didn't allow any plus ones. I had a 50 person maximum and invited closest family and friends. Everyone who complained I apologized and let them know it was a small intimate wedding with no option for adding more people per the venues rules. For the most part people have been very understanding.
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Dedicated October 2019
STBMrsMartin · on August 11, 2019 at 1:07 AM
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Thanks for everyone’s advice, I have a limited capacity and in February the list was made my FH said don’t give him one. Along with my friends who didn’t want one and are single, trust me he is not being singled out. I just have a venue limit. My FH understands and said he’d tell him it’s close family and friends. He said he doesn’t think the girl will last either. My main point is, the guy brags and I don’t want to hear about one girl and him bring another to the wedding. Yes I understand that some people on this site may have met on Tinder my bridesmaid met her fiancé on tinder not downing it at all but when you use it for a sex site it’s different especially when I get to hear about the conquests. Not cool. We have decided to just say hey dude it’s gonna be small. Sorry. FH said if he didn’t come bc of that it’s not about him it’s about us.
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Expert June 2019
thisismrsb · on August 11, 2019 at 1:15 AM
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You made the guest list already. Your FH already approved it. It's done.
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Dedicated October 2019
STBMrsMartin · on August 11, 2019 at 1:20 AM
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My thoughts exactly and now after 6 months his new girl has lasted more than 2 weeks and we are doing invites tomorrow and he is guilty for stating he didn’t want to give him a plus one. I mean we had been over it a million times. I even cut my family so his family could be there. This is my first wedding bus second yet I had to cut. It was not an easy journey. But now that this has come up it frustrates me. I told him I had 5 friends not getting plus ones and he had 2 so come on...give me a break. He said well we had a plan we agreed and we have to stick to it bc of the limitations of the venue. I told him if we have some people who back out then I’ll tell him to bring her if they are still together. This is literally a wedding guest list of only close family and friends. So having this issue bugs me.
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Dedicated October 2019
STBMrsMartin · on August 11, 2019 at 1:24 AM
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BTW no he is not in the wedding. He was in his first one but not this one. Last one he made a scene. He didn’t want him in ours.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on August 11, 2019 at 3:12 AM
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I understand.
We have a similar problem with my very dear friend and bridesman. He sprung her on us AFTER invites had gone out - we had no idea he was dating someone. Then he complained to me about her... and then he was all over her at his birthday celebration a week later.
We've said no about 5 different ways, but he doesn't hear it...
Some people just don't quite get it.
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on August 11, 2019 at 5:28 AM
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😂😂😂 Bumble here!
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Devoted November 2021
Sarah · on August 11, 2019 at 7:06 AM
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Yeah I'd wait until closer to the wedding and see how many people decline your RSVP
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Devoted August 2019
Tilar Fifield · on August 11, 2019 at 7:47 AM
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When we did our invites we only invited couples together if they were married. But “single” peeps (not married) were invited alone and if they were in a serious relationship I gave them a plus one. Like my maid of honor has been with her boyfriend for over a year so she obviously gets a plus one. I’m not sure if we did this right, but the wedding is Saturday so too late now 🤣 but you could go that route and just give relationships a cut off time, like only couples who have been together X amount of time or longer. I also sat my bridal party down and basically said you all get plus ones but please don’t bring your Saturday night hook up, this is our wedding and it’s special and expensive. They were all very understanding so I’m sure if your FH is close enough friends with this guy he will understand. ALSO you could swing it like hey if you don’t bring someone you can always leave with someone! 😂 only half joking there... good luck to you!
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Savvy October 2019
Evelyn · on August 11, 2019 at 7:54 AM
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Just make sure she isnt in any photos. Also, you could always wait and see if you have extra space, and tell him that if there is extra space, she can come.
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Expert October 2019
Sara · on August 11, 2019 at 8:19 AM
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This is perfect. In my circle you don’t automatically get to bring a guest just because you’re single, dating someone for a while, etc. I feel like being invited to a wedding is a privilege, and being invited and allowed to bring a guest who you’re not married/engaged to is an even bigger privilege. Weddings are expensive and I don’t want a bunch of randos at mine either. Of course it’s different if the couple is married/engaged—then they should be invited together.
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Dedicated October 2019
STBMrsMartin · on August 11, 2019 at 8:21 AM
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Hahahahaha I was gonna hook him up with my friend K. She likes older rich guys for short time frames and he likes exotic...bam...but noooooooo. Let’s make it hard! Hahahahaha
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Dedicated October 2019
STBMrsMartin · on August 11, 2019 at 8:23 AM
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Exactly, we’ll and we did about 6 months, if they weren’t in a couple that long or living with each other they didn’t get a plus one. It’s not about money it was more or less about fitting people in...although yeah I don’t want to pay $35 a hear for a rando! Lol
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