FH anxious about standing in front of people

There are ways to deal with social anxiety. Has he ever consulted with a doctor about his anxiety?

I know he's capable of standing in front of them, I think he's just being stubborn and he doesn't like his family that much (his mom compiled a small list of people she would like to come). If he could do it his way, we would elope in a different country. We plan to start pre-marital counseling at some point soon, so I know I should bring this up. He's not a fan of doctors either.

And thank you! I was wondering how to change that...

Like Chapel said, maybe consult a doctor? The most important thing is that you and FH have the ceremony that you want - don't change plans because someone is offended. There is always an offended person at a wedding.

IMO you don't. This anxiety is real and you should be understanding.

There is a HUGE difference between completely focused attention and people eating and watching and dancing and the million other things at the reception.

It's rude of people to tell you they are offended. A private ceremony of just family with a large reception to follow is pretty common. Do you really want a private ceremony? It seems like you don't but are going along. I'm not saying don't be supportive; you are obviously very supportive but I do think it's something to be discussed further with your FH and in your premarital counseling. I would worry about this issue causing resentment later on down the road. Keep discussing it and come up with something that you both can be truly happy with, notwithstanding your guests' rude comments. A private ceremony is beautiful and special, and it's an honor to be included to celebrate! Have the ceremony that you and your FH truly want.

Private ceremonies can be considered rude by people invited to the reception only. People who feel the ceremony is the point. They are bringing a gift for something they weren't invited to witness.

Have as small of a ceremony as your FH needs. If anyone is so offended -- they don't need to come to the reception either.

I've officiated ceremonies where either the bride or groom was very shy, had a speech problem or a language problem, and I've kept what they had to say to a minimum.

Perhaps your officiant will be work with you both to keep it short and sweet.

I think you should wait another couple years to get married. Your young and have plenty of time. Anxiety is not something you just "get over". If you guys cant agree on the type of wedding you are having you shouldnt be getting married.