fh and i have very different visions

You two need to talk but research prices because that for me really hit home of how that can add up. I think a brunch wedding is nice. You two can have different visions as my FH and I did but you both need to compromise. Maybe small wedding but evening or big wedding for brunch?

Just like marriage, compromise! listen to each other’s ideas and meet in the middle, input one thing you love and input one thing he loves. also find common ground, it is not just you in the wedding it’s your STB husband too

I was in the same boat as you. I wanted small my fh wanted huge. Once we started getting deeper into how expensive everything can be and what the actual prices are he came around to the smaller side. So maybe it'll be easier to decide what to do when you show him some numbers

I suggest sitting down and talking this out with your fiance. Come up with a budget of what you and your fiance can afford to pay for your wedding, and go from there. Maybe you can combine both of your visions into one? Such as, a morning ceremony and a brunch reception, but still hire a DJ and such for dancing? Or, maybe do an evening ceremony and reception, but do a brunch celebration/day of fun for the day after your wedding? I agree with the previous comment, maybe do an evening ceremony but smaller guest count? Or morning/early afternoon wedding, but larger guest count? Try to combine both visions into one beautiful idea.

Sit down together, each make a list of your wants and dislikes and compromise from there.

Agree with all the advice above!

FH and I were the opposite - I wanted a relatively large, more traditional wedding; FH said he'd be happy at the courthouse, but was more indifferent.

We decided on a larger wedding (about 130 guests) with a lot of the popular elements, and he actually became invested in things that surprised me -- the cake, our first dance song, the food, etc. I ran any major decision by him and it was fun to compromise on things and bring more of his preferences in with mine.

Now, we've scaled down to about 30-40 people and replaced the reception with a formal dinner. Most of the other things will still be there, and I can tell you that it's still extremely expensive.

I think you two have a lot of potential to compromise and come up with a vision that you both love. Find out what parts of a big wedding he's excited about. See if you can each list out the top 3 things that are most important to you--you can do this for vendors as well as for specific ceremony/reception elements.

If I would've initially planned for 30-40 people and no dancing, I would have definitely opted for a lovely Sunday brunch wedding!

I’m sure there’s a happy medium! For instance take the amount you want in terms of guests and what he wants and literally decide on the middle aha

My husband and I had this exact issue!




I wanted to elope with very close family and friends and keep the guest list to 10 people. I wanted it small and simple with just cake and punch. I am a lot like your vision of let's keep it nice and simple. We'd have nothing more than an officiant and a photographer and keep our vendor list small


He want a guest list of 50+ of his friends and family. He wanted a big party. He wanted to rent a taco truck and have an extremely lavish wedding and party into the evening hours. He also wanted a live band and music

But we talked. Neither of us got our exact way in the end but you can see the compromises....

We had a guest list of 21 people and 19 attending (2 could not be there due to work). He halved his guest list and mine doubled in a way. Most the guest were his close family members and friends. I think 4 were my guest and the rest was his. The biggest reason the guest list cut came down when he realized it was $$$ a head (I think like $200 because having plus ones etc).... We both agreed the goal was to marry each other and not to go into debt for a party. He also said he knows I am miserable in a crowd and didn't want to look back at our wedding photos and see me miserable.


We had a short morning wedding because he really wanted a date / venue and that was the only time available. We both adored the venue. I still adore the venue for the ceremony. We did all the trimmings like live music (a string duo of a cello and violin), lots of cake (we ordered double the cake we needed... My stomach has no regrets). I didn't care about the time but he did. So he decided he wanted to deal with a late morning wedding and get married on our engagement anniversary to the hour rather than have a evening/afternoon wedding.


The reception venue threw us some curve balls due to no dancing, outside cake or outside drinks so we rearranged things to our liking to have it at the ceremony venue. The first dance was important to me and we worked together with the officiant. The officiant also helped with how to segway everything and make it smooth. But we could have a small dinner party in budget which was important to him. I didn't care about the dinner because I was raised with cake and punch.... But I compromised and we had a nice lunch dinner after the ceremony.

We compromised a lot on the wedding. We fought a lot on the wedding details. But in the end we were both happy with the wedding. The only decisions I cut him out on were the wedding dress because he said he wanted to be surprised by everything but the bill. We also didn't pick each other's parties colors. He did not like my little black dresses and I didn't like the concept mustard gold ties. He got the gold ties and I got black dresses with pink shawls and it worked well in the end. The colors were black, gold, and pink with white baby breath flowers.

Anyways, the moral of the story is your wedding will be so different because it is a blending and harmonizing of 2 voices. It will not be exactly yours or your partner's but in the best and healthy relationship a mix between the two. Listen to each other, focus on how you are fighting and make sure you are fighting right (no name calling, no put downs, no threats, no silent treatment, no passive aggressive stuff, and no rolling over and submitting to something you don't want etc), and you'll get through it. Also remember the goal of the wedding is to be married to your partner. Keep in mind there will be curve balls and this is just one. Don't procrastinate a fight or decision because you know you don't agree.

Hi everybody, it took me time to read through the topic, but it was interesting to read some opinions.

Wow, thank you everyone for your responses! Thank you all for your wisdom and taking the time to reply 💙

Defintely agree with all the opinions posted so far in this thread, for me, it was pretty easy, since my fiancee didn't really care either way, so we just had it my way. lol...

Def compromise and talk! I originally wanted 50 people or less, and my husband wanted 100 people with an open bar etc. We went with what he wanted, but then COVID happened and it ended up being 7 people, outdoor garden ceremony and a reception at our apartment. I wish earlier I had stuck to my guns and compromised. I'm glad the wedding happened the way it did because it saved us money and we had less people like I wanted

My fiance and I originally agreed on the theme of the wedding but he lacked in presenting any ideas and decor. So I basically brought him my ideas and told him to choose. Or I just went ahead and bought or made decor and said this is what's going to happen. Lol I wanted him to be more involved but his idea changed and made it almost impossible