fh acting distant? Rant/advice...

I wouldn’t worry too much yet - may very well be just the normal ebbs and flows of relationships.

Meanwhile, I would strongly recommend getting or developing your own hobby, start going out once every couple of weeks or so for a drink with your work pals, volunteering, working out, whatever.....but schedule a once a week date night with hubby. This way, you are becoming more engaged in your own life, becoming a more interesting person to yourself and to him, and the two of you, when you do come together during your undistracted date, will have lots more to talk about.
Good luck - hope it all works out for you!

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Thank you! I had been going to the gym a lot in the past so I'll definitely trying to pick that up again.

He sounds kind of burnt out from work and class to be honest. But I totally see your feelings here. Usually when I know my husband is burnt out I'll offer stuff like would you like a massage or let me know if you need help with anything but I'd generally let him be so he can compose himself while also letting him know like hey, I'm here for ya

My FH has been completely stressed out due to work. When he comes home I let him settle in then, I'll ask him if he wants to talk about anything. He'll usually rant and rave about his boss, I sit and listen and he's good. It let's him get out his frustrations and then wr can spend the rest of the evening enjoying each other's company.

I don't know if that'll work for you but it's worth a try.

There was an overall theme I noted from your post:

"From my point of view I try to make myself available so that when he has free time we can spend quality time together, and plus I enjoy his company (which I feel like is important if you're getting married) and want to spend time with him."

"….and that he feels like I don't do things unless they involve him."

"I've always been kind of clingy, ...."

"We also usually text pretty consistently throughout the day...."

You guys text all day, you spend all your free time with him which he has noticed and commented on, and you admit that you tend to be clingy. I recommend you connect with your friends, join a club, engage in a hobby, etc. so that he doesn't get burned out from your relationship. This is a common "rookie" relationship mistake that women often make. You probably think you should make yourself available to him all the time but that usually turns your partner off and you lose the allure of what attracted him to you. The more interests you have that are your own, the more interested he will be in you and the more you will have to talk about. Plus, I would stop texting each other all day. Just one or two texts in the morning and evening should be enough. He needs to be able to miss you.

There’s a quote that says “people fall in love in the spaces”, meaning that when people have freedom to miss the other person in their absence, that’s when they are most drawn towards them. I second all the advice to get busy and happy with your own life- text your friends, go to the gym, stop being as available in the evenings and let him miss you.

While we were planning our wedding I was in a VERY challenging grad school program. It was difficult because I was overworked, burnt out, missing him but not being able to spend time or wanting to always. It was a challenge and I was snarky. I think a previous poster has a point - take a hint and find something you like to do yourself. It may be just simply that he wants to relax a little without the pressure of being nice in his relationship. Honestly, we only know your part but I needed a lot of my own space especially just because of my personality. I love my husband VERY much, but I need my own space/time or else I get nasty about stupid things, like how he dips his pita in the garlic sauce. I know that is irrational and me. BUT sometimes I don't do the best job of controllin it and I gently try to suggest my husband do something like go upnorth.

This was not very put together or thought out but hopefully something makes sense to you and resonates in a helpful way!

Hey there! Our stories are pretty similar! I met my FH August 2nd and got engaged at the end of March as well! We've basically lived together since we first started dating (both were living by ourselves at the time and just enjoyed each other's company). I definitely understand where you are coming from, we message occasionally throughout the day at work (we work at the same company on the same floor). My recommendation is to not talk as much during the middle of the day. Even though FH work on the same floor, we've made a pretty strict rule of not talking much while at work so we can maintain our professional relationships and not interfere with each other's work. He may just want the time during the work day to focus on what he is doing and feeling like he has to constantly text is getting in the way of that. We also make a point of seeing our friends once every couple of weeks (his are all out of state as well so he plays video games with them online). I used to feel the same as you, that he was enjoying playing games with them more than he enjoyed spending time with me. What I learned to understand was that the same as I enjoy going out to eat with my girlfriends and grabbing drinks, he enjoys the time he gets to talk to his friends and do stuff with them. The difference is you are actually seeing the "spending time with friends" instead of him leaving the house to do so. I know if can be difficult, but he chose you for a reason. I agree with the other posters, start picking up a hobby or something else you can do at home while he is doing his own thing. And try and have a conversation with him about what you can do to make him feel less stressed/how to make him feel better. It may be as simple as spending less time constantly doing things together. Good luck!

I’ve had these exact feelings and I’ve gone to therapy to help myself learn “how I really am” and it helped me address some hard questions that I never thought about or were afraid to answer myself.

I agree with PP from my own experience and hearing from my FH that he needs space u vent and be himself and he felt like he needs to be too careful around me and that I don’t have any hobbies.

So I suggest you try to engage with some friends or colleagues a couple times a month. Call your family and get back into a fun gym routine! Join a book club or do whatever that helps you remember who you are and show your FH that you are your own person without feeling the guilt that you are ignoring him.

I was available all the time for him when he was in a stressful job but that made me even worse and we got i to a lot of petty arguments and I got depressed. Remember that you have to take care or you and feel good about who you are to be confident in your relationship.

This is is myself first serious relationship and it’s tough sometimes but just talk. Keep talking and don’t blame each other. Say how you feel, don’t speak for the other and value your time with your partner as well as the time apart. You will grow in your relationship with him and I’m sure a year from now there will some new rock that you are working through but that is how it is. But you love each other and that’s what matters at the end of the day.

You are not alone in these feelings. You are loved.

I know EXACTLY what that's like, all the way down to the coding boot camp (although my FH was preparing, but decided not to go through with taking the official classes). It's taken a lot of time, but I've started to just kinda let him do his own thing, and I do mine, and when he misses me he knows where to find me. I make sure to let him know when I'm missing him as well, of course. I used to have a problem with being super clingy, we've had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship and spent a while in an unfortunate "on/off" cycle, so I'd always want to do stuff together, and spend time together, and I'd get sad if he was doing something with a friend and I wasn't invited (it still hurts sometimes when he says he actively doesn't want me involved in something, like the youtube channel he wants to start (although I wormed my way into that one xD) ). He cheated on me 2.5 years ago, right before the on/off period started, and that fueled a lot of my excessive clinginess, and my need to always be around him did a lot to push him further away for a while. It took a lot of growth and time for me to realize that he needs his space sometimes, and I had to be adult enough to give it to him, just as he should do the same for me. Since realizing that, and working hard to accept it, and be more understanding and free, it's helped our relationship so much. We don't fight as often, and less explosively when we do, our communication has improved 10-fold, and we've both been so much happier. I wish you the best, and I hope you guys can get out of this funk soon.

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The gym is always a great idea

I think this is a rough patch in the relationship, so try not to be discouraged. Be honest with FH about your feelings. If he doesn't take you seriously, that's when I would be super concerned. I'm wishing you nothing but the best!

It sounds like you two need more quality time together. Try scheduling a date night once a week even if that's just eating dinner together (phones away).

I think the video games could be more of a "destress" activity and not so much that he'd rather be with friends than you. My FH loves video games whether his friends are on or not because that's his way to destress after a long week.

This sounds a lot like my previous marriage. I was young and had never been in a serious relationship before. He was also a narcissist so that played a major role. I do remember him having a lot of hobbies and all my hobbies kept me home. I worked and made time for him(we lived together) but he never had time for me. When I didn't have time he got upset. Everything was on his time. We were together 8 yrs. We have a beautiful son and he has been absent from our lives since my son was 2(now 7). I would definitely get more hobbies and see if things start to change. Texting less is also a good idea. It's important to have your own interests. I was a stay at home mom for the last 4 yrs( just had my 2nd baby a yr ago) and recently started working part time. While my relationship with my FH was fine before, I'm much happier now that I have my own job and things I can talk about outside of the house and kids. It does make a difference. Good luck!

The stress of the wedding can rattle even the strongest solid couples but he is overwhelmed. Guys need their time alone and to decompress. I suggest that you start doing some things with a girlfriend to demonstrate your independence and lack of neediness on him. He will find that attractive and relax a bit. My FH and I have our own issues and we are trying the "Lasting" app which is kind of fo-,it-,yourself marital or pre-,marital counseling but includes good lessons. You do it separately and compare answers. Back off a bit and let him miss you a little. He will be ok.