Feeling very down about my upcoming wedding

The k in 1500 was a typo. Not sure if anyone else has dealt with feeling sad suddenly before their wedding and wishing they had just eloped or if it’s just me..

Do you have contracts with these vendors? If so, they shouldn't be able to just change prices on you.

I'm sorry to hear that you aren't looking forward to your wedding. Unfortunately, I have no way to help, though I wish I did. Maybe take a couple of days away from all wedding stuff. Have a date night, spa day, etc. - just some time where you don't think about/mess with wedding stuff.

This is totally normal! I felt exactly like that! I felt torn in soo many directions that I wanted to scream. I made a $1500 mistake (didn’t count the # of guests correctly). Towards the end all I wanted to do was throw in the towel & elope!

Hi Brooke. Congrats on your upcoming marriage and house closing.. exciting!

Personally (and unfortunately) - I think it's common to experience what you are feeling. However, I also think that some of what you are feeling may be occuring because you have come to realize that the wedding itself isn't in any way as important as the marriage itself. With the addition of other life decisions you are making as a couple ie. house purchase, children etc... the focus on one day and the costs associated becomes kinda silly in a way (again MY opinion)...

My advice? There probably isn't much you can do now to change the numbers. Focus on the positive moving forward. Hopefully the added costs in the long run won't amount to the stress you feel today. Come up with whatever math equation you need to to move past the annoyance you feel right now... $2000. divided by a 50 year marriage =.... whatever. Come up with a short term way to make up the cost difference if it makes you feel more comfortable.. whatever makes sense to you.

You're in the final stretch. DW? You know you are going to feel better about the day when you arrive. Your feelings for your FH haven't changed - just your feelings concerning wedding planning. Enjoy yourself!

Try to find the humor and treat the experience as a life lesson. You'll apply the things you have learned to the never ending financial decisions you and your husband will make throughout your marriage.

Congrats!

Hey Brooke... I HATE how I worded my second paragraph. I did not mean to say that you are only NOW realizing that the marriage is more important than the wedding! This just becomes more obvious as time goes on.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I do have contracts and stuff— I think they all just know that at this point I’m somewhat cornered. Things are in writing I’ve been given invoices. I was kind and just basically said that I wasn’t able to anticipate the extra fees because they were not on any of the invoices otherwise I would’ve sent in twice my monthly payments and not splurged in other areas I didn’t receive that pricing until just now and only because the planner got mad at me because I asked what size of drink stirrers I should get for escort cards and we had just had a meeting about the tablescape where I outlined what I thought we discussed and a list of what she was bringing and so all was well then she asked me to ship glasses and I said I had in my notes that you were going to provide glasses and she kind of lashed out at me? And asked for a list of what I thought she was providing and I was like, I did and we went over it and you told me the champagne toast would be extra so I added that on but nothing about me needing to provide glassware? And then she was like, I haven’t sent you an updated invoice in a while and she pretended to forget everything we talked about at our last hour long meeting when a lot of the conversation was in writing she even said “we’ll set up a time to go over what I think you need to have a nice reception like linens glassware silverware etc and then I’ll send you pricing. but we sent page long emails back and forth and already had linen colors decided. I was so confused and upset by the mind game like if you need to charge me for something and tack on 2000 at least just in fees, to decorate three tables, just say that. Don’t act like we haven’t had detailed conversations over tablescapes and linens and pricing and that I haven’t been extremely communicative and asked about any possible up charges. It seems like she’s overwhelmed in general and took it out on me from where I’m standing. Which I could just be stressed and alarmed and biased which is why I made sure to be nice and not accuse anything and just ask “are you sure this is correct because this is a lot of extra charges that weren’t on my other invoices and I couldn’t have anticipated any of this as it wasn’t in the budget you created” and now I haven’t heard anything for a few days.


I like the idea of date nights and stuff I do need to take my mind off of it and my future husband has been trying very hard to but my brain keeps coming back to this. I do struggle with financial anxiety due to the way I grew up so it’s just very agitated right now

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for this. You’re right. I am realizing I could’ve been just as happy married to the love of my life without all this extra stuff and I feel taken advantage of by the wedding industry in general 😂 and like I wasted money because inevitably it’s not going to be what I wanted it to be and I wish I had done without it and not gotten sucked into a commercialized wedding experience. It’s for some people I know, but I don’t think for me. Maybe I will change my tune after the wedding, I am lucky and fortunate to be able to front the difference I just have a ton of financial anxiety and have worked hard and for a long time for my savings and more will come out then I wanted it to. It’s not the end of the world but doesn’t feel worth it right now.


Thanks for this perspective I am so lucky to have a wonderful man in my life and I don’t take that for granted at all, if I had a fabulous wedding I’d almost be too lucky lol

View Quoted Comment How did you feel after wedding?
I am going to pay whatever and go through with it because I did work so hard on planning something really unique and special but just worried it won’t turn out

View Quoted Comment Your perspective helped me a lot. I needed it to feel smaller so I appreciate you being able to break it down like that.

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My pleasure. And I'm sure that your wedding will be fabulous. Not exactly what you originally envisioned? Sure. But still fabulous. Best of luck from a fellow financial savvy poster. (Don't sell yourself short - that "anxiety" you feel is wisdom ).

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I do think you're right in that you're going to have to just pay it, and I can see why it would make you anxious. That's a big chunk of money - especially unexpectedly. After the wedding, write an honest review of the services you received, the lack of communication, all of it - good and bad - so that others don't have to deal with the craziness if they don't want to.

Do your best to take your mind off of it and try to be calm (as much as possible).

View Quoted Comment I felt wonderful! Like all my hard work paid off. I felt horrible when I screwed up the count but my husband was very understanding. I look back at our pics & see nothing but pure happiness on our faces. I married my best friend, the one that I can always depend on…

My then-FH got COVID 3 weeks before our wedding and a few guests canceled last minute after hearing about it, so yes I was in doomsday mode for the whole final stretch and 100% wanted to call the whole thing off (we were already married by then so it was technically just a party / vow renewal). I dreamed about a big wedding my whole life but by the end I was over it - seriously I kept telling my FH and my mom “this wedding is garbage.” I was not happy.


My best advice is to just focus on you and your FH as much as you can, as others have suggested. I avoided wedding planning a lot those last few weeks bc it made me so sad to spend time on it when I wasn’t even sure if I’d end up testing positive for COVID and have to call it off. But I wish I had just checked off one little thing a day or read through my whole to-do list once a day so nothing could creep up on me that last week, and then I could’ve spent the last week doing at home spa treatments and listening to songs that make me think about the time we met / re-reading my vows in between all the detail stuff that had to get done. It would’ve put me in a much better head space for the big day!

View Quoted Comment Yeah I know. I hate leaving any type of bad review which is why I always try to find a reasonable resolution.
If something was going to be 1500 or had the potential to be it should have been included in the invoices just springing that on me after getting emotional about drink stirrers was bizarre. The whole approach was bizarre