I’m hoping someone understands how I’m feeling right now about guests declining. I’ve been engaged for almost two years in October, and we have been planning this wedding before COVID.
I’m one of those people who’s lived all over (Pennsylvania, Virginia, Texas, Japan, Seattle, New York…) and with that I’ve made friends all over. I’ve never dreamed of the wedding colors, or the dress, or any of that when I thought of my dream wedding. I only thought about how all the people who shaped me could be in one room witnessing the happiest moment of my life.
But that’s not happening. I lost both of my older brothers to two separate accidents, and I don’t have a relationship with my father so my mom will be walking me down the aisle. When we made the guest list we kept it to 225 guests and that was a tough list to make because there are so many people I wanted there.
Then COVID hit. I made a survey for all the invitees to gauge their comfort level and needs. I gave them insight to all measures we’re taking to keep everyone safe. Based on their answers, we decided to postpone. Then the vaccine came out which many guests answered that’s what they needed to feel safe to attend. But when the RSVPs were due, only 90 of the 225 rsvped “Attending”. What hurts even more is that we’re getting married in Texas but live in Seattle. My fiancé and I are traveling to our wedding, but friends who live two hours from the venue won’t make the trip.
Now after we got the final guest list, even more people are dropping out. I’m embarrassed, disappointed, and a little heartbroken about this. It feels like they just don’t want to come and all my efforts were for nothing. I’m having an identity crisis and reevaluating friendships I thought were real and now doubt. I know part of this is grief. I feel angry that my brothers can’t be there because they’re gone and yet people I invested my time and energy just don’t care enough about me to come.
How do I enjoy this day when I feel so rejected and unlovable?
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