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Just Said Yes July 2018

Feeling Terrible About Bridal Shower

Emmy , on May 21, 2018 at 7:06 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Hi All. I’m looking for advice on how to handle my situation. My bridal shower is this upcoming weekend & I’m not even a little excited. I let myself be guilted into having a BS that I didn’t want (bc I have social anxiety & no friends) since my moms & her best friend were dying to plan it. I said no multiple times but eventually gave in. I asked my mom if maybe we could make it a couples shower so the spotlight wouldn’t be on me but on “us.” She liked the idea but none of my FH’s friends were interested, let alone their wives who don’t know me. So that idea went out the window. So now the guest list is 9 of my moms friends. I feel so inadequate for not having any friends to invite & I don’t even know some of my moms friends coming (everyone invited to the BS is invited to the wedding as per etiquette). I really didn’t want a shower because I didn’t want the reminder that I don’t have anybody that I consider my nearest and dearest besides my FH. Also, FH & I aren’t registered so that’s awkward. I hope I don’t sound ungrateful - I appreciate the gesture of my mom & her friend but I’m just so embarrassed that I don’t have any guests to invite to my own shower.

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Emmy , on May 21, 2018 at 3:18 PM

Dedicated August 2018
Charma · on May 21, 2018 at 7:40 AM
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Emmy wow this is a difficult one. I wholeheartedly understand about not wanting a bridal shower. It was a very nice gesture from your mom & her friend to want to plan the shower HOWEVER it's not what you wanted. Not having friends to invite is ok because you didn't want it. I think telling your mom although the gesture was thoughtful and kind it's taking away tour excitement for YOUR day! This is supposed to be a happy exciting time. Little things as that can put a damper on the whole occasion. If I was close would come and support just because. Hope everything works out.
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Mim · on May 21, 2018 at 7:43 AM
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Try to not look at it as a "shower" but rather a time for your mom's friends to celebrate a life change with you. Changing your mindset can go a long way. If necessary, ask you fh to "rescue" you after a couple of hours or so, a "thank you ladies so much for all of this, but we really need to get going" should be enough
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Just Said Yes July 2018
Emmy · on May 21, 2018 at 7:46 AM
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Thank you for your kind words, Charma! I have tried speaking with her about it but because her and I are sooo different from each other she hasn’t been able to understand. Her whole life she’s been surrounded by groups of friends so she doesn’t understand how I feel so lonely and ended up in this friendless position and just thinks I should be grateful anyone offered at all.
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Just Said Yes July 2018
Emmy · on May 21, 2018 at 7:48 AM
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I wish that was more feasible but I’m flying to a different state for it for the weekend & FH isn’t coming with me- I’ll be staying with my mom so I can’t just leave unfortunately. I will work on trying to change my mindset although it’s extremely difficult to think positive for me through my depression and anxiety but I will try to.
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on May 21, 2018 at 7:55 AM
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Let your mom's friends have the shower and attend. It now would be very rude not to and it won't be that awkward, I swear. Just think of it as a lunch with some older ladies, not a shower.
Do you have friends coming to the wedding? Im not saying everyone needs 10 members of their "bride tribe" or anything, but this may highlight that you should try to make friends aside from your fiance though. This can be really hard as an adult, but the older I get, the more I need my friends! There is a lot of information that we need friends and people with friends are happier and live longer. Do you have any interests or hobbies? That may be a great way to meet someone. Have you ever talked with a counselor or psychologist about your anxiety? It sounds like it really affects your interaction with other people and I can only imagine everything wedding related is making it worse. It is hard to put yourself out there to make friends being anxious.
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Dedicated August 2018
Charma · on May 21, 2018 at 7:56 AM
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Emmy take a deep breath, keep a pic of you and fiance close so when you are feeling overwhelmed you can reflect on the pic. A shower is supposed to be a reflection of you and your friends not your mom's friend as this isn't her wedding. Focus on the end result and that's you and your future husband becoming one and beginning a life together.
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VIP October 2018
Jessica · on May 21, 2018 at 7:57 AM
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I'm on the same boat as you. My FMIL asked me if I wanted a shower and I promised I'd think about it, but at the end of it, I know I really don't want one. I'm scared that they'll just throw one anyway and drag me to attend. Can you ask her to throw a shower with no gifts, just a quick brunch of sorts? That way you can eat and talk a bit about planning and call it a day. You dont have to spend hours opening presents you didn't register for and pretend you love all of them.
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Just Said Yes July 2018
Emmy · on May 21, 2018 at 8:03 AM
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I agree, too late to do anything now- I’ll be attending but I’m less than thrilled and anxious as hell about it. I’ve been trying to make friends my whole life and it hasn’t been easy in settings such as school and now as an adult it’s even more difficult no, no friends coming to the wedding - I literally didn’t have anyone to invite- the wedding guest list is my moms friends & some family as well as my FH’s friends & family. The older I get the more I crave friendship - it’s just been tough and yes I see a therapist for the anxiety. Just started 1 month ago. I do have hobbies, I actually turned one of my hobbies into a business and I work from home.
Thank you for your advice!
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Just Said Yes July 2018
Emmy · on May 21, 2018 at 9:35 AM
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Yikes, I hope they don’t throw you a surprise shower! It sucks bc offering to throw someone a shower is such an incredible and sweet gesture but not everyone wants one for different reasons. But some people like my mom don’t care what others want- she actually believes I’d regret not having one. She couldn’t be more wrong. The invite for the shower is 12-4 so I have little control over what goes on- just dreading it soo much. /:
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Savvy April 2018
Amy · on May 21, 2018 at 10:39 AM
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At first, I was was a little disappointed that only a a few of the people my maid of honor (sister) invited came to the shower. It was basically my aunts, 3 of my female cousins, and about 4 friends. In all, I think we had less than 20 people, including my husband, our kids, and the hosts. But you know what? It was perfect. It was intimate and low key and low pressure. I was relaxed and could actually enjoy everyone’s company despite my social anxiety. I wouldn’t have wanted more people there. I had a fair bit of anxiety going into it. I don’t know how comfortable you are around the people that are attending and how that affects your anxiety, but try to focus on the fact that they are there because they want to be and are happy for you. And enjoy the love that those who are in attendance have for you
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Just Said Yes July 2018
Emmy · on May 21, 2018 at 3:18 PM
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It sounds like your shower guests were at least people who knew you. The guests coming to mine don’t know me and I don’t know them- I only know my mom obuously, her beat friend, and 1 more friend. The other 7 people I’ve never met in my life but I’ve heard stories about them. Everything about this shower is making my anxiety excacerbate.
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