Hi, all!
I don't know that I'm even seeking advice here, just thought it might help to know if others are going through the same thing. I'm feeling pulled in a lot of different directions and feeling stressed around wedding etiquette, money, traditions, and relationships... I'm a person who hates conflict and hates asking anyone for anything. I tend to want to pay for all the things, so that others don't feel pressured or obligated. But we're not millionaires either, and we have a big family that has resulted in a big guest list.
Some examples:
- My parents have generously offered to pay for the vast majority of the wedding, but I feel so guilty about the astronomical number it's going to add up to. I always wanted to keep costs not-outrageous (we ended up pretty traditional with a wedding venue that has catering included, so that was the biggest expense. We're about average (read: pricey) for photographer, DJ, and dress)... flowers done on the cheap by my cousin, my fiancé and I are covering the alcohol. But between the venue, catering, photography, DJ, dress, and miscellaneous small expenses, this is adding up to something I feel awful about, and I never intended it to get so high... and there's not much more my fiancé and I can realistically contribute.) My parents aren't making us feel bad about this, but I know it's a lot for them, and they did want to keep the guest list lower than it is.
- My parents have some resentment about my fiancé's huge family and how that's led to a big catering bill. FMIL is inviting more people than I feel is necessary, but it's been a "thing." FMIL is paying for the rehearsal dinner and contributing some additional funds toward the catering for the reception.
- Pressure to have a registry with a wide range of prices so the traditional folks can go that route. I've gotten advice to put some "nicer" things on there (i.e., give people better options than just drinking glasses and plates), but nothing that makes you look too greedy, and we also have a honeymoon fund that we'd prefer people give to because we have all the house items we need and it feels wasteful to replace all of them with unnecessary "upgrades," but I know people have mixed feelings about this...)
- Feeling weird about asking my bridesmaids to pay for their own hair (I'm covering their makeup, and both are completely optional). The hair is pricier than average, because she's the only stylist I could find that was available, and my MOH pointed this out. Again, optional for everyone, and I wish I could cover it but it's starting to feel irresponsible to incur ANY more costs that I can possibly avoid.
Ugh. I just feel like it's impossible to make the right choice here. How can people possibly 1) have a big family, 2) be a generous host and 3) not make any faux pas, when we're not millionaries?
I know the answer is probably to just not have that big of a wedding, or make it a big outdoor BBQ or something cheaper. But my family are the traditional ones, and they're the ones paying for most of it... I just wish I could help out more and/or accept the help without feeling so guilty.
Thoughts? Anyone else feeling this way?
