Feeling some type of way

While it is sad that your friends and family can't make it, you shouldn't try to force your fiance to uninvite some of his friends and family. It's not his fault that your friends and family can't make it/are deciding not to attend.

Hey so sorry to hear this!!! Your feelings are valid.. it sounds like a sad thing to go through. I think your idea to talk to a therapist or counselor is a really good one… and if you can, try to feel joy and gratitude for those who do show up & make that effort to be present on your wedding day. I don’t think your fiancé uninviting guests would really address the feelings you’re having btw- it sounds like sadness about your people not being there; not necessarily fair to punish him/his guests for that. You’re not alone in this kind of experience btw, I’ve read other posts like this on the forums. Sending warm and positive wishes.

I had a similar situation, we ended up with 160 total guests and about 15 were people from my list (not including our joint friend list which was another 10-15 people) and then the rest were my husbands family and friends. I got very sad every time another decline invite came in from my side, but on the day of, we were surrounded by so much love and support and it was a whirlwind of a day that I honestly didn't even notice his side vs my side. We also ONLY reserved the first two rows of seats for our family members and then had the groomsmen usher people to either side so it looked full on both sides of the ceremony.

All this to say, it's completely normal to feel sad and your feelings are valid, but just try to remember that everyone coming, regardless of side, is there to show their love and support and celebrate BOTH of you.

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Thank you, Ash, for your kind and understanding words. Reading this has made me feel better.

I’m in the same boat as you. We’re already having a small wedding, and my fiancés guests are fully committed, booked their hotel months ago, all in. My guests have slowly been texting me with SUPER LEGIT big things they have coming up, like their babies being due right around the time of our wedding, so they for sure won’t make it. Each one definitely feels like a blow since I had so few people on my list in the first place. I just keep reminding myself that everyone coming is really there for both of us, and it will be great to spend time with my few loved ones who will be there and get to know the people who mean so much to my fiancé better. Grieve each decline as they come, but then get excited about the fact that this will still be a big celebration of love regardless!

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your words, Kim. This situation has me very stressed out plus a few big close family problems that have disappointed me. There will be a big celebration yes, but at this point I’m don’t even want a wedding like this anymore. I mean I have no choice really other than losing tons of money. But I will put my big efforts to change my mindset.

This is very common when one side has local family and friends. Is your wedding March 2024? If so, how do you know your side knows they cannot come. Must they travel far? For those who travel, the decline rate is higher, though it hurts all the same.


If you are paying for the wedding, have the wedding you want. Tell your FI you prefer to give out an equal number of invitations. The wedding should be about both of you. I, personally, was not going to pay for a wedding that was lopsided. Some might be ok with it, but, not me. If you are paying, his parents can't just invite all their friends and coworkers.
If other people are paying, then with your FI discuss what is most important to you both. Revise your invitation list to people you are close to, people you've met. Otherwise it just becomes someone else's party. If you cannot get on the same page and you don't want this wedding, talk to a couples counselor. Get back to Why you two are getting married in the first place. The party should not get more priority than the marriage.

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure who can make it and who will not. Maybe when the time comes, more people will cancel, or maybe not. But my sister recently separated with the father of my nephews and she got a new boyfriend and she’s pregnant. She will give birth 1 month before the wedding. It’s an awkward situation to invite my nephews father’s family which they were people who me and my FI shared so many good moments, like family. But for sure I know they won’t come neither it’s nice for me to include them in the wedding. My friend from Spain won’t be able to make it and I have another friend from NY which is getting ready for artificial insemination because she can’t wait anymore due to age. So she might not be able to make it either.
I have more friends, but I only hang out with them maybe once a month and I meet them last year very recently so I don’t know if I should just include them to fill in which isn’t nice either. I’m also looking for a job, so the girls I work with have been my friends now but realistically we don’t know if the friendship will continue after I leave because it could start fading off. Let’s be honest, it happens. So what about if I invite them and when the wedding comes we are almost like strangers again?
My FI has a few friends he doesn’t see/talk anymore plus his parents friends kids that used to hangout with hime when little but after primary school never again. But he still feels like he got to invite them because they are his parents friends and they were in his life at some point. On the other hand my parents aren’t bringing anyone maybe one friend because we’re not originally from here and it’s hard to make good friends when you’re an adult. So from my side is pretty much my parent's family like aunts, grandparents, etc, and a few of my friends.

View Quoted Comment Yes, you certainly mentioned real life events: international friends, growing families, breakups, and the worry of making new adult friends. It's best to keep your group to people you truly care about and want to share in the celebration. If you love your side, that will be enough. When you look out into the crowd, you want to see their smiling faces, not strangers. I hope you and your partner can get on the same page. "Obligatory" invites don't make sense if it hurts the other. Don't invite the old partner and his family. They will think it inappropriate seeing your sister with a new baby and bf. Some relationships have to end or move into the acquaintance realm.


It sounds like you have a lot of pressure finding a new job, planning a wedding, assessing your friendships. Try to give yourself grace, share your feelings with fiance. Try to enjoy your engagement. And if you're not, inform partner asap so you both can do something about it before resentment and depression happens. Best wishes.

View Quoted Comment I appreciate your advice. Thank you LM

I can understand how you feel, totally. Maybe try not to see "your side" as a reflection on you or on your worth. Like, take your ego out of it and put that aside, and focus on making all of the people that are there feel welcome and appreciated. If you do that, when you look back at your day, you'll be proud of how you handled things and that might be the best of all outcomes.

Also, your wedding is pretty far away, so things can change, and maybe more of your list will be able to come.

I truly hope that you have the best day ever!