Feeling pretty broken

If you feel you're being treated with disrespect it sounds like you should find someone who truly loves you for you and your flaws (whatever they may be). No one deserves to be treated poorly. It's probably time to seek some medical counseling to rebuild that lost self esteem. Good luck to you, sending virtual hugs

I feel you and believe me when I say, you will be glad you left and wonder why you hadn't sooner. You're life will be so much better and you'll be happier in the end. I was with someone for 7-8 years, we were married 1 day shy of a month before he cheated. I left and have never looked back. I am so in love with my FH, we have 2 beautiful boys and he treats me like gold, even tho sometimes I dont deserve it. You are strong person and you will make it through! This is just the first step in letting the real, happier person shine 🌞! Good luck, you wont regret it!

The hardest thing I ever did was walk away from my 10 year relationship. I didn’t have the same abuse you’re going through, but ending it was so painful. I knew I didn’t love him enough to marry him and that there was someone out there who I’d want to spend my life with (not just someone who felt like a roommate who shared my bed). You ARE worthy of the kind of love that builds you up and doesn’t tear you down. You DO have the strength to do this. As they say, the toughest metal must be forged in fire.

:/ I know how hard it is to walk away from a relationship. Especially because you may think the grand gestures make up for all the disrespect. But you’re right it doesn’t make up for it.
It is good you’re seeing this and know you do deserve better.

You are not a moron at all! In fact, you’re incredibly strong for making the decision to put yourself first. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you for not getting there sooner. None of us are perfect and I commend you for pushing for what you deserve 💕

You deserve (we all deserve) the world when it comes to relationships! And the great news is there are truly amazing guys out there. Your life will be ****x better walking away, I promise you. Sending hugs!!

Oh honey. I have been where you are sitting. I went through that with my ex-husband. He was a narcissist and a bully, who loved turning things into fights and didn't think I really loved him unless I cried or yelled at him during fights. Nothing I said or did was good enough for him, and almost every conversation led to a fight that I was somehow always the one to blame for. I only found the guts to call his bluff because of my counselor at the time, who encouraged me to set and hold my boundaries. She was supposed to be a couples counselor for us, but XH didn't appreciate it when she told him that he needed to make some changes in his behavior too and refused to go again after the 3rd session. I kept seeing her.

I was a shell of of my former self when I was around him (we both traveled for our jobs a great deal), and it wasn't until his last trip when I noticed how much happier I was when he wasn't around, and how much anxiety I developed as his date to come home approached, that I found the courage (with my counselor's encouragement) to stand my ground and file for divorce when he picked a fight as soon as returned from his trip (I mean, literally, the night he got back), said he was done, and walked out for 5 days. He only showed back up (with no warning) to get some of his stuff and had his phone recording during that visit. Then he later had the gall to try and claim he never said he said he was done, that he didn't want a divorce and that I was over-reacting. He never apologized for ANYTHING, even while claiming he didn't really want a divorce. And my last contact with him was an email detailing his actions and that you do not treat someone you claim to love the say he treated me.

All I can promise you is that you WILL recover from this, with time, support from friends (please, please be a little vulnerable and ask your friends for support/distractions/etc - my friends really were a lifesaver for me in the months following my separation), and counseling to learn how to set boundaries. And that there are still other people out there who are kind, thoughtful and respectful.

It also doesn't hurt to try and plan something to look forward to. A girls trip or weekend away somewhere with your closest girlfriends.

I’ve been in your shoes before and it’s SO hard to go through, so I really feel for you. My best advice is to just do it and start allowing yourself to heal. Once I got out of my relationship, I made the mistake of trying to jump into another one (DONT DO IT) and ended up really hitting a low because I didn’t know who I was anymore. I put myself in therapy and vowed that I wouldn’t begin dating anyone until I felt better with myself with nobody else there to add to my feelings. My therapist told me I was done with her long before I felt done, so I continued to see her until I felt ready to let go. In that time period I reconnected with a guy who I’d been best friends with in high school and we started dating. He’s my fiancé now. And he’s never made me feel less than beautiful. But he is just an add on, I’d be okay with myself if he wasn’t there and that’s how you need to feel in order to gain happiness again. So cut it out, let yourself heal, and look for self-love above anything else.

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To the poster of this, in your profile picture you look quite young, but based on what you've written you sound incredibly wise.... Good for you for being willing to do the hard work of learning to love and accept yourself first. OP, you've received some wonderful advice here. Hang in & good luck!

I was in a 8 year relationship with a person who treated me the same way, I felt exactly like you do now. It's not your fault, and good job for realizing your worth and making a hard decision about it. It hurts now sure, but this will make you a better person, a stronger individual and most important happy. Take time to heal, to regrow to rediscover yourself. Enjoy life, catch up and reconnect with friends! Its the best thing to do for you! Don't let anyone stop you from making a change to better your life!

You are NOT a delusional moron! Realizing something so huge is difficult. Accepting it and acting on it is even harder! It is so, so difficult to realize that the person you’ve loved for so long isn’t the one. You do deserve better, and I am so thankful that you know that!
One of the most difficult things I’ve ever done was end a six year relationship that just wasn’t right. It was heartbreaking for both of us, but it was the correct decision. I’m now with the love of my life and can’t imagine how things would’ve been if I hadn’t ended my previous relationship when I did.
At the end of the day, you are doing the right thing. It sucks, it hurts, and it’ll take a long time to heal, but when you look at yourself in the mirror, you’ll be able to tell yourself that you made the right choice. You’re going to be okay.

I'm so sorry. I understand how you feel - only it took you less time than me to figure it out! (And that isn't always easy. Some people take lifetimes.)

You can do this.

Be gentle with yourself, don't be afraid to ask trusted friends for support, and see if you can find a good therapist (try your local college, they may have students who do a sliding scale).

Trust me when I say the only way out is through.... and you are in the worst of it now, it will get better from here.

(...And get yourself that pint of Ben and Jerry's and don't you dare feel guilty about eating it. The chocolate will do you good.)