Feeling Obligated??

Hi Kassondra! You honestly don't owe her an explanation If she isn't part of it then so be it. If she's petty about it so what? It's YOUR wedding! If she asks you or makes a big deal about it then I'm sorry, but she is making it about her. You are not obligated to make her a bridesmaid. So, you don't have to explain to her unless she asks or makes some big ordeal about it.

If anything give her a different role! Maybe she can be like an usherette? Day of wedding coordinator? If you guys are doing a church ceremony then maybe you can have her read one of the readings?

Honestly, my thoughts are that hurting someone in your soon to be family by having her be the only person in her family group (husband and kids) not to be included would be unkind. If you have no true animosity between you, is it that hard to include her in your bridal party?

I agree that this is your choice, but its not a choice I would make because life is long and relationships can be fragile. I also think that obligation is not such a terrible thing. I think there is a philosopher who said something along the lines of ...obligation to our fellow humans is an ethical imperative which helps society function.

Well as I said, its your choice so if you don't want to invite her, its simple ...don't. I thought you were looking for opinions and gave you mine. Good luck, I wish you well.

In the minority I guess and agree with Jessa, the thought of "it's your day! do what you want!" is only nice in theory. This isn't a random person on the outskirt of a friend group. This is someone who you will be dealing with for the rest of your life. Your situation is further complicated because you are asking not just her husband, but her children to be involved. Unfortunately, your actions will speak louder than hers and make you look petty and rude.

You didn't give context as to what makes her so difficult. But, unless she has been truly evil to you, you are going to come off much worse and further complicate your family dynamics by doing this. If she is simply annoying, well, that is what your other true friends/bridesmaids are for to stick up for you and keep her in line.

If I were you I would try to pull something off involving her being a matron of honor, but also put her in charge of her own children. Make her feel really important about her day of job of preparing her children and escorting them off to the side, etc... Keeping her occupied with her own children should largely keep her out of your way. I get that you don't want her around in general, but in reality you will have so much going on the day of, her presence won't be that noticed the day of your wedding. Just let some of your close friends or family know she can be problematic and assign them the task of keeping her in line or shutting her down if she starts to act up. Lastly, just purposefully choose a date you know she can't attend your bachelorette. Like if you know she's going on a family vacation or has a committed date to attend an event with her children just make your bachelorette during that time. If she has problems just tell her that you're sorry, but that was unanimously the date that worked well for everyone else.

The reality is, when you ask a question like this, the majority of people are going to give you the answer you WANT to hear, which is "you're the bride, it's your day!". But, that's not really the answer that you NEED to hear. Yes, your wedding is a special day, but it's only one day of your life and your actions on that day will have consequences that last much longer. In this case, you will be made to blame for further fracturing a relationship and putting your future husband in a complicated spot. Wedding planning itself is the ultimate preparation for marriage and how each of you will support each other and compromise for the better of your entire marriage and life together, not just this one day.