Feeling lost and unsure...

Trust me I completely feel the same.. My FH gives me opinions on stuff thankfully, but that's about it. I'm not sure if it's because he's afraid of messing something or feels he can't do it...

I have a lot of male friends, who have gone through the process of wedding planning, and they all seem to share a similar voice: "I just want her to pick it out, she's more about it then me" - I wouldn't take it personally, this sounds like typical behavior.

Instead of discussing things with him and hoping he picks something to take on - I would be more direct and ask him specifically to take on a particular task with your guidance and direction.

I'm not trying to stereotype men, because I bet a lot of people on here can attest to getting support from their significant other, but I am in the same boat as you (with doing the majority of the planning) and personally find it to be okay.

Have you asked him straight out to help with something and he has refused? Men are pretty black and white, he may just think you are voicing concerns about how much there is to do. Try asking straight out if you haven't, he may not even realize it.

"in the hopes of him picking something to take on, I'm doing it by myself."

Some people (Joe says guys but I say some people) don't get our "hopes."

Talk to him. He is your partner. "Honey it's important we discuss this because it's about us. I really need your help with x y z. Trying to save us money but it takes time and I can't do it alone." That's a good start.

FH isn't SUPER involved in planning. He just wants to marry me. All the logistics are things he doesn't really have strong feelings about. I am sure there are a lot of men like that. I wouldn't be too upset about it. I asked FH early on about it and he said that I have good taste and he knows I'll do a good job planning. He has given me input on all of our decor and stuff, but it's mostly me driving the wedding bus and he along for the ride lol

I have done most of the work for our wedding and at first it was frustrating so I had a talk with FH. After we talked he has been helping more in other ways so I can focus on wedding stuff (ex. dishes, laundry, sweeping etc.) it makes it much easier when you don't have all the other everyday stuff to worry about. My FH gives opinions but planning a wedding just isn't something he knows how to do (not that I do either lol) but he has been trying.

I've given FH specific wedding-related tasks. I'm the planner of the two of us, and he has always been happy to do what he is directed to do. It took some getting used to and some communication that we are both comfortable with operating like that in certain areas of our life, but now that we both understand it, I feel very comfortable saying, "I'd like you to be in charge of managing our wedding playlist" or "Will you start looking for premarital counselors and book us one by January?" And he is more than happy to do it when I ask.

Moral of the story: if he's not being asked point-blank, you probably shouldn't hold it against him.

This is seriously me right now.

DH wasn’t super involved in the planning, but he did give me his opinion when I came to him with decisions that needed to be made. He knows I’m more detail oriented, and a bit of a perfectionist (and controlling), so in the beginning that worked out well for us. When we reached the end of the process and I was just totally over it, he swooped in and finished the things I had left.

With that being said, this was something we agreed upon and talked about. He didn’t just leave me to figure it all out on my own. Relationships require communication and compromise. It sounds like you two need to talk.

Well I have asked him outright to take on the men's attire, find some bakeries for us to at least sample cake and help more around the house (I'm a stay at home mom with a 2yr old, currently) because I'm bogged down and the year has just been running by. He agreed to these tasks but hasn't been holding to it. I get the men's attire but we've gotta book a baker before we're serving Wal-Mart cake and I'm still doing all of the housework (until I've a blowup and then I get some results for a few days)...I had a serious blowup the other morning and I'm just at my wits end

I think this happens a lot it happend to me also when we got engaged people were telling my how fast I had to book things and I think it was overwhelming for him. I pretty much planned our wedding but the more closer it got the more he started giving opinions and acting more involved. I think guys just don't get excited a whole year out like we do so just give it time tell him how you feel and eventually he should start helping out more.

I was kinda in the same boat.. he voiced his opinions early on and since then, he's basically done nothing to help plan. I told him that I was a little annoyed with his lack of help and he just said "tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it. But I don't see your vision so I figured you wouldn't want my help anyways". As PPs have said, guys can be very black and white. They don't always pick up on the hints you're dropping. Just let him know that you need help and I'm sure he will be happy to lend a hand.

So this is more than wedding planning, this is your relationship's dynamics.

Counseling may be a good thing here.

I am definitely the planner of the two of us, but I have never been "unsure". We discussed in the beginning of planning how involved we each would be, and I knew going into it that I would be running the organization of everything. However, I have run every decision by him and he has responded, even if it was "no opinion/don't care".

It's our wedding, our union, not MY day. Both parties need to be involved AND on the same page.

I'm with Mbean - this has nothing to do with his gender, it's about your relationship.

FH is planning our wedding and at the beginning we had to have this conversation because he wanted me to help more than I originally did. I was fine with that. All he had to do was just communicate his feelings in an effective manner.

One partner shouldn't be responsible for planning a wedding. The wedding should be a representation of you as a couple.

Hi Date Twin!!

Have you asked your FH what parts of the wedding are important to him? A lot of guys genuinely do not care about most of the details. If there's anything he really cares OR anything you really don't care about, ask him to take the lead on planning it.

I definitely got frustrated along the way with all the research, planning, organizing mostly on my own. When I asked my now husband's opinion he didn't have much of one but I know he knew me and that I'm the planner and decision maker so I think in my situation he was letting me take the lead knowing I'd care more in the end. I actually enjoyed the process and looked at it as something "fun" to work on. I think in general guys tend to take a back seat but definitely voice your concerns with him and speak up if you need/want help. The nice part of planning it by myself was I didn't get all the opinions of what others wanted and I ended up making it the perfect day for me and us. Just remember your planning the wedding, your day, not the marriage, the rest of your life. Try to keep it in perspective that this is the celebration piece of your union, love, and commitment to each other. I never second guessed the getting married part so if you are then maybe you need to discuss with your fiance. Just remember wedding day and marriage aren't the same when you get frustrated in the planning process.

FH only wanted a say in our photographer and getting married in a synagogue. Other than that, he tells me, it's a day I have "dreamt about" and can pick/plan/do what I want, with in our budget. When it came time for DIY I told him we agreed on DIY items together and I need his help. And he was there to do it. I'll also give him emails / phone calls to make and follow up on things. Maybe he just wants you to have the day you want. And he's on board for what will make you happy. And if you ask/explain you need help, you might be surprised at his willingness to help you.

Have you discussed with him why he isn't taking these tasks on? If he works long hours he may be exhausted or have difficulty finding time. I can't ask my FH to call places and schedule appointments because he works 6am-5pm and doesn't get much of a break. I would just consider what he may be going through as well. If you're at the point that you don't want to go through with this then I would say definitely talk to a counselor and make sure your FH understands your level of stress. If you ask him directly to do something, then you should not take responsibility back. Don't go find the baker. He will have to step up, but if he believes you will just do it anyway then he will relax. It's so important in a relationship to have a strong line of communication. Talk to him.

We compromised and my FH came up with the idea of Wedding Wednesday! So every Wednesday for a few hours after work we spend time together to work on our wedding!