Feeling like Bridezilla…

First, if it makes you feel better, there’s absolutely nothing you’ve said that even remotely makes you seem like a bridezilla. As long as you are being calm and respectful, there’s no reason you shouldn’t feel free to assert your point of view when it comes to your wedding. That does NOT make you a bridezilla. That being said, your step-mother may be making a valid point. You mentioned your venue is a barn on a farm, which in general doesn’t really correspond to Formal attire. What does Formal mean to you? It typically means floor-length dresses for women, heels, and full suits for men. I can tell you that as a guest, I would not be happy to wear that attire to a farm. Any unpaved areas would ruin my heels, my heels would sink into the grass where it looks like the ceremony is performed, and my dress would get dusty at the bottom and potentially ruined from dragging across all the otherwise beautiful nature all evening. I understand not wanting jeans, but there are a couple other stair steps in between No Jeans and Formal. Maybe Semi-Formal i.e. Cocktail Attire would work for you? This allows more flexibility like short dresses, jumpsuits, sport jackets, etc. There just seems to be a disconnect between the venue you selected and the attire you expect of your guests, which you stepmom might trying to (poorly) point out. Guests take their cue on what to wear based on the venue, so maybe you and your partner can re-examine the type of atmosphere you’re really going for so everything feels cohesive. There’s lots of explanations for what different dress codes mean on Pinterest, etc. Best of luck!

Are you actually having a formal wedding? Other than your desired dress code, what are you doing to make your wedding formal? Technically you're not supposed to write a dress code on the invitation but rather indicate the event's formality (and thus expected attire) through the location, STD, invitation, etc., so I can understand your step mom's confusion about the formality of your wedding and her concern over what message the guests are going to get because of the location. However, you can't just tell your guests to dress up more formally than you're hosting them. If you're having a formal wedding you can indicate that by having very formal STDs and invitations; some barn venues are actually quite nice and can be used for more formal events. But like PP said, you might re-examine the type of atmosphere you're really going for and make sure that your venue, event formality (all of the elements of hosting and decor), and invitation suite match what you're asking of your guests.

I'll definitely echo PPs by saying not a bridezilla at all, and I wish you the absolute best of luck in your planning process and also maintaining your boundaries! You got this, beautiful bride!!

I'm also having a wedding in a barn and I'm trying to figure out how to hint to people that we're going a bit more formal than jeans! With wedding barns becoming a more popular thing not all of them are quite so rustic anymore; our wedding will have more of a boho feel, and me and the bridal party will be wearing heels. I will most likely be putting dressy casual or cocktail attire on our website, which I understand are two different things but our crowd will probably take dressy casual to mean a nice pair of jeans so idk if I want to go with that or not.

At the end of the day, "No" is a full sentence. If you guys have a vision for what you want, then stick to it with what you can control and try to let what you can't slide. You can tell people that jeans are not part of your dress code, but if they wear them it is what it is. Either way I'm sure the day will turn out great!

So I too have felt like that! I am planning on doing a Dressy Casual dress code that states, No Denim. Because I feel like it's not too much to ask that guests dress up for my wedding in khakis or slacks. It sounds like that's kind of what you're wanting as well. So with Dressy Casual, it would mean sundresses, khakis, slacks, button-down shirts, polos, etc... Yes, denim can be dressy but if you don't want it, just specify that in your invitations when you list the dress code.

You're definitely not being a bridezilla. I had the same issue with my family. Our wedding was also in a barn and my family tried really hard to challenge me with the semi-formal dress code. Luckily no one showed up in jeans because I was firm with them about it.