Feeling left out- rant

I'm so sorry you are being treated this way! It isn't fair. I think the best thing to do is be the bigger person but don't get too committed or involved with them. Be kind when you see them for your fiance, but don't put too much effort into them. If they change their mind about you, great! If not, you aren't putting your heart into people that aren't putting their heart into you.

I think that maybe you could be taking some things out of context and may have a compounded bit of hurt going on that is partially justified and partially isn't. Your future step son IS part of their family and, I'm assuming, a minor which is probably why your FMIL invited him and his mom to that family dinner. Where you have never met that part of the family and really were just their son's girlfriend at the time.

The thing with exs is that you don't just turn your love off for someone who used to be a part of the family but now no longer legally is. My ex's family includes me with the kids because I'm still considered family and we are close. I'll actually be spending Thanksgiving with my new husband at my ex husband's family's. My ex's new girlfriend does not like this one bit. Oh well. I think you might be a little hurt that they are including your FH's ex but not thinking to include you. Depending on how it was framed to FMIL could be the reason she blew up at you.

It's a hard situation to be in. Have you tried letting it go and just letting FMIL know that you want to be included in everything because you love them?

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This is a great perspective on things. As someone who has issues with their future in laws, and someone who still maintains a relationship with my brother's ex, I can see things from both sides. I can completely understand why you're hurting, however, it does seem that you're looking at this on a very personal basis. I still see my brother's ex regularly because she's the mother of my niece. No matter how long they've been broken up, that won't change. If there was a family event and we wanted my niece to attend, her mom would need to come with her. If my brother had a girlfriend who we didn't have a close personal relationship with, we wouldn't think to include her without my brother.

Have you made an effort to have a closer relationship with your future in laws? Wedding planning could be a great opportunity to get more involved with them. Invite them to a catering tasting or a cake tasting, invite your FMIL to a dress fitting, invite them to see the venue...Put in the effort that you want to see from them.

Your FH said he wouldn’t be able to make it to the dinner but did he ask his mom if you/your daughter could come? Perhaps his mother took him not being able to come as all of you not being able to attend. As far as the ex goes, that’s part of the gig when you share a kid, especially if you want to keep that relationship up outside of the custody arrangement. My ex and I share a daughter. He’s currently deployed. His family refuses to speak to me so they haven’t seen or talked to my daughter in the last 10 months. I wish they would get over themselves and include my daughter in their family events because right now she’s basically forgotten they exist.

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I have no problem with her being included, because there is still the connection there. What hurt me was NOT being included and still feeling so.

I have a wonderful relationship with my ex and his family. My ex and ex MIL actually get along too well (in my opinion ) with FH and my ex will spend weekends in our home and go on camping trips with us to spend time with our daughter (he lives 2 hours away).

We try to have the same communication with FH's ex, but she is not open to receiving it.

I am a firm believer in communication so the hurt weighing heavy on me was something that needed to be discussed to avoid feeling uncomfortable around FMIL. She blew it up making something huge out of me letting her know I felt hurt.

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In the past they were very warm and inviting- I would be invited to spend the day out shopping, or to have lunch together.

It all just stopped out of nowhere.

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No, she did not ask if my daughter or I would be able to come. I am not sure why she would assume that we would not be able to attend with him working...?

My ex and I have a great relationship for our daughter, my FH and his ex do not, however.

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Thank you, definitely needed this!

I am always super nice and go above and beyond when at family events, being sure to wash dishes or help clean up to show my appreciation. My FH has an "F" them attitude and could not careless if we spent time with them or not, because he sees through them.

My relationship with my ex's family was such a strong bond (and still is), so it's hard not having that same feel with FH's family when we all live in the same town. FH actually prefers spending time with my ex's family over his own!