Feeling isolated

What specifically are you looking for that you can't find?

Hi,
What type of road blocks are you running into? I know in Maryland its extremely expensive for everything, especially when the venue we loved stated that we had to use the "preferred list" of caterers which means $$$! So that was definitely a road block for us.

So far in the planning updates that you've posted here, it seems like you had been doing a great job of finding affordable things that work for you (your dress, the conservatory, etc.).

What issues are you running into currently?

I think it helps to look outside of "the industry" on some things. For example, we're doing a small wedding in Florida over spring break. Since we're getting married on a Tuesday the coordinator at our venue suggested labeling it a "casual luncheon" instead of a wedding reception since our budget was smaller. She also gave us plenty of budget friendly food options.
I think wedding items gets overpriced just because they know they can charge more so it helps to think outside the box and see what you could get without specifying it's for a wedding.

Don't give up! What type of issues are you running into?

We met with a photographer yesterday who helped us set up a mock plan of the day. (We havent decided on who we want as a photographer yet) He suggested we do a first look (we really don't want to do that) to get more time and photos. We are doing everything on our own and he suggested that setting up our venue and decorations will take more time than actually think it will and we should get friends or hire someone to do that for us. The mock schedule he wrote up has us away from our friends and family for a good chunk of the evening. Even though it is a small wedding and reception it looks rushed on paper. It kind of freaks me out. Now I am second guessing everything.

Gotcha! What timeline did you originally have in mind? Like when will your ceremony and reception be?

Hi Stefanie,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way! It's great that you're thinking more carefully about the timeline of the day. Are there things on this mock schedule that are important to you that you didn't consider before? I think it's a good idea to have a friend or a few helping run things during the event. But it may work out if you just have help setting it up beforehand. The Budget-Savvy Wedding Planner & Organizer has been soooo helpful for us in organizing what is and isn't priority. Are you using any books?

I feel the same way. I feel like I want to do things non traditionally. One: because it’s about the couple two: I want to do things cheaply. I don’t want to spend $1600 on a dress or $4k on a photographer, etc. I don’t want the big wedding party or all the hype.... and people expect you as the bride to be and want all these things. You’re not alone.

Sometimes you have to compromise some details, I found while wedding planning.

View Quoted Comment 1. One of us would set up venue
2. People arrive, ceremony
3. Cake
4. Nibble on food here and there, 1st dance
5. FD & MS dances
6. Mingle/photos
7. End

If he's the first vendor who has suggested a timeline after talking with you about what you want, I'd ask others for their ideas and see if what they suggest is consistent with his. You can also Google wedding timelines. In general though, I think it is true that things will generally take longer than you want/expect, so it really is a benefit to know that far in advance so you can plan. Also, I believe it will depend a lot on what you want from your day/wedding. If you want a lot of beautiful pictures, I'd agree with your photographer that you need to budget time for that. If you'll be happy with a small number of photos, that won't take as much time. Depending on where the wedding will take place and what kind of "set up" is needed, I agree that can take a lot of time and people to pull it off. For example, couples on this forum often start out thinking doing a "backyard/home" wedding will be simpler and less expensive, but, honestly, most who do it find it to be the exact opposite -- super time consuming & stressful, and often at least as expensive as using a venue, if not more so (because of having to rent/bring in virtually everything). Try not to get frustrated, but in the long run, it will be much better if you have a completely realistic idea of what to expect. Depending on what your vision is, just do a lot of research on this forum and elsewhere to make sure you understand the pros and cons of what you're planning. There are plenty of brides on here who have done less expensive, more DYI type weddings, so you can read about their experiences and what worked for them and if they had any regrets. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment He’s right about the set-up. I know we had a ton of DIY decor, but it took 3 of us 4 hours to set up our DW ceremony & reception (and yet the venue staff set up the table/settings for us), and it took 6 of us 3 hours to set up our local reception (staff there also set up tables/place settings). In both cases, my hubby & I were massively stressed and wish 1) we cut back decor, 2) or hired people because the venues couldn’t give us more set-up time then they did.

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Depending on how many guests you're talking about and exactly what "set up" will entail, this could be very simple. If you only want photos taken for a short period during the reception, you can hire a photographer for just an hour or two. However, more traditional wedding photographers might not be a good choice because they'll require a contract that is more lucrative. But someone just starting out, or who offers a smaller/elopement-type package might be idea. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment I am so glad I am not the only one on here. We need to stay in touch.

View Quoted Comment All we have to do it put two foldable tables out, add tablecloths, put dishes on there, food, and a cake. I don't see why this is supposed to take so long. I am absolutely confused.

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It seems like working through all the details might be the best way to reassure yourselves that your plans will work the way you want them to. You can always do a couple "trial runs" at home in your backyard and see how long it takes you to set up everything you'll need -- tables, dishes, food platters, etc. Then you'll need to figure in any transport time and add that on to your estimate. If I'm remembering correctly, you're getting married at a greenhouse-type venue. How close will you be able to park? How long will it take to load and unload your cars with all the dishes, food, etc.? How long will it take to unwrap all that lovely china and glassware (it will have to be packed so it doesn't get broken in transit). How many people will it take to do everything? Do you need to pick up the food, beverages, & cake? How many cars/drivers will it take to get everything transported to the venue? (Don't forget to plan for the end of the wedding regarding clean-up and packing everything to go home again....) When will whoever is doing all the set-up work have time to get ready? Will they have to be fully dressed before they leave for the venue to deliver and set up, or will they have time to leave? Again, anything is doable, but the more prepared you are the better.

I don't want to be discouraging, but I do think it's important to be realistic about what all will need to be done, who is going to do it, and then over-estimate how long it will take. Years ago, my sister planned her son's Eagle Scout court of honor in their church hall. I met her there hours beforehand to set up. She's a MAJOR planner and didn't think it would "take long...." However, setting up tables & chairs, putting out plastic tablecloths and simple premade centerpieces, etc., took a LOT longer than she planned. Eventually, she had to rush home to dress for the ceremony and I stayed behind to try and finish the set-up before guests arrived and the event started. My husband had to bring me my clothes to change into and I dressed in the church restroom. I looked a mess and missed part of the ceremony because I was changing out of my work clothes. It didn't matter because I was "just the Eagle's aunt," and I'd do anything for my sister & nephew, but neither you or your husband probably want to be dressing in a public bathroom for your wedding. Also, a friend who was picking up part of the food order for sister had to brake hard on the drive to the venue and a lot of the food spilled in their car.... Anything is possible, but think it all through and plan well so you can relax and enjoy your lovely wedding. Good luck!

What road blocks? My fiancé and I are having a small wedding of 57 people. We wanted it to be intimate but classic so we’re getting married in an old Mansion and rustic barn in upstate NY. With decor, florals, dresses, make up, hair, food, staff, hotel stay, photography, and soooo much more plus, a full night at the historic mansion the night before for our immediate family and us (were staying on separate floors from each other) and a full day (including breakfast) the day of, we stayed within our budget of 20 grand. If we didn’t spend a little extra in some areas, we could’ve kept it around 15g or below. (Which from what I understand is pretty good for a wedding lol)

Dont get me wrong I have felt discouraged, at times alone, and disappointed several times, but it’s because of how hard I try to stay within budget and how much heart/meaning I put into every single detail. My sister passed away and it’s made me miss her more than every during this process just even to have her help. But You just need to have the patience because it can take time. It took me months to find some vendors but I’m so glad I sweat it out bc I ended up finding the team that would work best for us.

View Quoted Comment Are you not having tables for you or your guest to sit at for your reception? If you aren't and your reception is more of a cocktail reception then convey that to the photographer.

View Quoted Comment No cocktails. There are chairs set up for our family.