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Savvy October 2020

Feeling Guilt

Izzy, on June 24, 2020 at 8:15 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

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I’ve been dealing with a tough mindset since everything Covid started. I’m my Dad’s only daughter so he always had this perfect envisioning of a wedding for me. He even saved up for years for me to have a dream wedding. But like many other weddings, everything has come crashing down. He expresses a lot that he didn’t spend all this time working just for me to have a simple wedding. Expressing this may be his way of dealing with our ever changing situation and coming to terms with things, but it hurts me and guilts me to my core. My FH and I are actually happy that we may be getting a smaller wedding that even I’ve really grown to like the idea of (25-50 guests) but a part of me always feels like I let my Dad down in a way. Sorry for the long vent, it’s been a hard day and something that’s been bothering me for a while now and I’m not sure how to go about these feelings moving forward 😔

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Gwendolyn, on June 26, 2020 at 11:52 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 24, 2020 at 8:22 PM
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I’m sure whether your wedding was 50 people or 500 he is just happy to see you marry a good person
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Savvy October 2020
Izzy · on June 24, 2020 at 8:25 PM
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I hope so, that once our wedding is over that that will be his take from it instead of still dwelling what could’ve been
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VIP October 2020
Samantha · on June 24, 2020 at 8:29 PM
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At the end of the day what matters is your marriage. I know losing the little stuff is disappointing for us and our families but that’s what it is. Little stuff. You have everything that matters.
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Savvy October 2020
Izzy · on June 24, 2020 at 8:32 PM
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I think 2020 has been the most humbling year in that aspect to make us all realize what a wedding is really all about. My fiancé and I have come to terms with it and embraced it, I just hope my Dad can soon do the same
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on June 24, 2020 at 10:08 PM
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I think your dad will finally accept it once he walks you down the aisle and sees how happy you are that day!
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Savvy October 2020
Izzy · on June 24, 2020 at 10:32 PM
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Funny thing is that he opted out of walking me down 🙃 He wanted to be the one to marry us so he’s having my brother will do that instead
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 24, 2020 at 10:42 PM
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Given your feelings of guilt, maybe (after your wedding) you can have something larger at a later date with additional family/friends to attend once covid slows down. That way you get your small wedding but your dad gets the wish he saved for as well
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Savvy October 2020
Izzy · on June 24, 2020 at 11:04 PM
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The hopeful plan is that we can plan a big 1st anniversary/reception next year to celebrate with our original 240 list. My hope is that that will replace the grandiose feeling he was wanting 🎉
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 24, 2020 at 11:41 PM
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Sounds like a good plan!
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on June 25, 2020 at 10:29 AM
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Why not tell your dad your dream wedding is smaller in size because you'd rather have a grander honeymoon or the money towards your house. Turn the negative into a positive. Your dad just wants you happy, so tell him what makes YOU happy and how he can help with that.
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Super August 2020
Emily · on June 25, 2020 at 11:39 AM
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I feel like your dad just doesn’t want you to “settle” for your wedding especially if you’ve always talked about having a large wedding. I would just reassure him that you are beyond ecstatic at your wedding size and it’s everything you would have hoped for! I don’t think he’s trying to make you feel guilty, he’s just trying to make sure his little girl is getting what she wants 😊
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Devoted February 2024
Martha · on June 25, 2020 at 2:39 PM
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That is so sweet of your dad. Have you spoken to him about having a smaller wedding, all the bells and whistles included, just a smaller guest list? I feel that your dad just wants to see you have a lovely wedding, I don't think it matters if its 50 of your closest loved ones or 300 guests. With a smaller wedding there is room to make the honeymoon grander as well. I feel you should touch base with him and see what is important for him to happen at your wedding, and also let him know your feelings about a smaller wedding. You guys could always compromise in the middle.
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WeddingWire Administrator October 2016
Lynnie · on June 25, 2020 at 5:15 PM
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I'm sorry you're feeling this way Izzy. It just sounds like your dad is bummed, and we're all processing emotions differently right now! I think highlighting to him some of the reasons why you're excited about a smaller celebration might help him also see the silver linings. You can have such an incredibly lavish and intimate wedding and see what kind of food & beverage upgrades you can splurge on with a smaller guest list!
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Devoted July 2021
Gwendolyn · on June 26, 2020 at 11:52 AM
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This is so sweet and I understand the feeling. I feel the same way for FH's mother, who has mentioned Korean weddings tend to have hundreds of guests, etc. We have under 10. I agree with Lynnie that you can have a small but really fabulous celebration, spend a little extra on things with the saved money, honor him in some way during the reception, etc. Like others, I imagine that one the day comes and he sees YOU are happy and looking beautiful, he won't have a care in the world about how big of a bash it is. Best of luck to you.
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