Our wedding was supposed to be next Saturday. I'm trying not to think about it, but my heart is broken! I have been through so much in my life, and I have waited so long to find the right person to share and spend the rest of my life with. I've spent the last two years planning my dream wedding, and saving for everything I wanted. Less than 60 days out, we were told we would not be able to have our wedding on the date we chose. Not even a reduced-sized wedding would be allowed. I live in the SF Bay Area, California, and we are a hot spot. NO gatherings of any size allowed.
Now that I am finally going to be a bride (in my 50s), it all came crashing down.
FH and I didn't want to give up on what we wanted, so we decided to push it out for a year. A whole year. ugh.
Everyone says, "oh, you'll still get married. it's no big deal." Ummmm.........yeah, it is. I still get to marry my best friend, I still get to spend the rest of my life with him. I just wanted the fairy tale wedding I've been dreaming of.
I guess it just got really hard today. 
It's only a week away. I can't stop thinking about what I would have been doing, had Covid-19 not interrupted my plans. Today I would have been getting my roots touched up, and my ends trimmed a little--just to freshen them. My sister, along with her husband and kids, would have been on her way from Idaho, to come spend the week with me and help me with all the last minute things. Anyway, it would have been very different around here.
I get to this point, where I need to reach out to others who understand, and then by the end of my pathetic little rant/whine, I feel totally disgusted with myself for feeling this way. I'm luckier than a lot of others during this pandemic. I still have my job (although FH doesn't), my family is healthy and safe, and I do still get to marry my best friend, and the love of my life. It will just be next year. I need to just suck it up and quit whining.
Thank you for sticking with me for the whole thing! Ok, crazy moment over, back to normal. Happy planning everyone!!
