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Dedicated November 2020

Feeling disheartened

Arianna, on July 13, 2020 at 11:02 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12

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Is anyone else having issues with family members not agreeing on your decision with your wedding? We had a big wedding planned for April 24th 2021 but we plan on canceling and downsizing to immediate family and bridal party only. We talked about making this fun and have been looking into a destination wedding in Gatlinburg. We just told my FH family and they were so against the plan. They feel like we are canceling too early and are convinced things will be normal again which I don’t agree with. I feel so disheartened and now have no idea what we’re going to do. We refuse to postpone as we will be engaged for two years at that time and really want to be married already. Any advice on how to work through these changes with family? We do care how they feel but we are feeling stuck now. Thanks in advance!

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Latest activity by Fany, on July 15, 2020 at 9:30 AM

Master November 2020
Kristen · on July 13, 2020 at 11:06 PM
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Yes do what you want and forget what they think unless they are paying. It is you and your FH's day and even if they are mad at first they will get over it and if not oh well. Better you have the day you want then appease others.
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Expert March 2021
Marcia · on July 13, 2020 at 11:17 PM
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Stick to your guns and plan the wedding you want. It's hard enough to plan a wedding during all this without also trying to make everyone happy. Do what is best for you and explain firmly that this is the plan. They may want to express concerns and you can hear them out, but remain clear and firm. List your reasons concisely and reiterate them during the conversation if need be. And be comfortable with agreeing to disagree.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on July 14, 2020 at 1:05 AM
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You can please some people some of the time, but you can’t please everybody all of the time, and your wedding should be about what makes you and your spouse-to-be happy. My FH’s family was let’s say less than pleased when we announced we’re having a sunrise ceremony, but it’s us. Our first date (and many dates since) was breakfast because my FH has worked nights through our entire relationship. When we go up to Breckenridge (where we’re getting married), one of our favorite things to do is go on a sunrise hike. I think it’s more important that your wedding tells your story and reflects the two of you. Good luck!
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Expert May 2021
Jaime · on July 14, 2020 at 7:53 AM
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I would say that none of us know what April 2021 is going to hold (I postponed to May 2021 so I get being worried), however I think it is smart to recognize what is happening with weddings currently needing to be downsized and then smartly planning for the future. I think unless you have been in the thick of wedding planning during COVID, people sometimes don't really have a clue what the reality is of holding a large event during a pandemic. While people were ultimately supportive of me postponing, many were in disbelief that I was even considered postponing (made a decision in May to postpone my July wedding) and didn't understand it. I just had to explain the reality of the situation and I think it finally sunk in. It might just take time for the family to come around to the idea.
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Super October 2020
Trisha · on July 14, 2020 at 8:24 AM
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Do What You Want To Do. Its YOUR Day Not Theirs.
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Dedicated July 2020
Erica · on July 14, 2020 at 8:58 AM
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If I've learned anything about planning our micro wedding this year (we postponed the big celebration to next summer) it is that we never should have involved family in the planning process. We gave people an inch and they took a mile. Our wedding is this Friday and it's not at all what I wanted, but exactly what other people wanted. I have to accept it at this point but I would tell you now, before it's too late, to plan everything yourself and do what the two of you want. They will accept it eventually.
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Savvy May 2020
Samantha · on July 14, 2020 at 9:06 AM
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I agree with the others. It's your wedding! I also understand your hesitation about April. We had everything planned for May, but pushed back the reception to August and it's now looking not great. I was convinced in May that August would he fine, lol. Doing what we can to celebrate now because I also don't think next May will be back to "normal". Sorry to hear that you're going through this, best of luck! Maybe you can try to plan a fun family Reunion trip once it's all over, to celebrate with FH's side?
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on July 14, 2020 at 1:05 PM
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Both our parents try to tell us what to do when it comes to our wedding as well. We decided to do a small wedding my parents didn't like that idea. We are paying $5000 for food and his parents didn't like how much we spent on food. So I ended up telling the parents that I don't care what you want or disapprove of. We will do this wedding the way we want to and if you don't like it you don't need to be involved, I'll just send you your invites for the wedding and you won't know nothing until the day of. I also told my parents that if they want us to have this big expense wedding then they need to put the money in for it, because I'm not going bankrupts for something they want.
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Super October 2021
Ashley · on July 15, 2020 at 5:52 AM
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Sometimes, the best thing you can do is tell people after the decisions have been made instead of before. That way, it’s “we’re doing this,” which does not invite opinions, instead of “we might do this” or “what do you think” that’ll get you everyone’s opinions.
The only person we’re really involving in our planning process is my mom because she has good advice and supports whatever we choose.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on July 15, 2020 at 7:54 AM
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Telling people what you are doing instead of telling them what you might do is good but it doesn't work for everyone. My fiance and I went to dinosaur BBQ for a tasting and prices, we didn't tell anyone about it. And then when we finally decided on dinosaur BBQ and put money down, my fiancé parents still tried to put their 2 cents in. And they still try the get us to choose something cheaper. Thats when I had him put his parents in their place. So sometimes it takes putting someone in their place to get them to finally leave you alone.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 15, 2020 at 8:05 AM
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I agree that things could change or at least improve until April and that it is a bit early. However if the smaller destination wedding is what you really want then let them know that. They will support you no matter what. But I understand their concern if you’re saying it’s due to Covid...we are 9 months from April.
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 15, 2020 at 9:30 AM
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Hmmm the best tging to do is not ask for others' opinions or if they happen to ask your plans, you can tell them but do so coincidently. If they are not contributing financially to the wedding then they really have no say.
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Feeling disheartened

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