Feeling Disappointed

Okay so first off, just hear this..DON'T let ANYTHING spoil your big day! That is yours and your future husband's day and nobody should have the power to ruin that for you, don't give them that! As far as thinking people will do what you've done for them, it doesn't always work out that way unfortunately. BUT on the other hand, ya never know she may be planning a surprise party that you know nothing about. & If not, then just be okay with that as well. If it means that much to you though just casually bring it up with her and mention if there will be a party without straight up asking. Also, there's NOTHING wrong with you, some people are just more selfish than others and only are concerned about themselves.

I really appreciate your comment. My fiancé did straight up ask in a way that was a bit passive, and was told that he was correct in assuming there would be no party. They are not planning a surprise - I know that for sure based on them knowing I do not like surprises. And, you're right about how things work out and thats a good reminder.

I really don't care about the party, I just wish that they cared enough about me to want me to have the opportunity to celebrate if that makes sense. My disappointment really has very little to do with the fact that there will be no party, and a lot more to do with just feeling like my friends aren't the people I thought they were. I also feel awkward every time that people ask me if I am having a bachelorette party, because how do I even answer that? We have a large friend group, and all of the other girls have had one - so, it becomes extra awkward because I don't want to point fingers but I also don't want to take responsibility for why it isn't occurring.

I totally get the disappointment and feel for you! I would call them up and just straight out ask if there's going to be one. Regardless of what people say the roles should be, it feels very one-sided that you all did all that for them and are being let down when it's their turn Hoping it turns out fabulous for you!

I get where you're coming from. With regard to their wedding, if people think you're going to say yes and are very capable and accommodating, they'll ask for your help in a variety of ways until you say, no, I don't want this responsibility, or I'm feeling overwhelmed, or we're going to do a joint party only for the sake of funds or whatever. These friends may not be like that: capable and/or accomodating. Because you are, your wedding planning has been easy. Mine was too because I know how to handle, or delegate appropriately. The flip side is, if people know you can do everything yourself, they may not feel like they need to offer anything extra.

I hope they're planning something special for you guys in appreciation of the hard work you put in for their day, especially because you discussed with them what you'd like, but if they're not, don't let it get you down! If there are other things you need from them before the wedding, definitely ask, whether they seem present or not. I'm not sure where your friendship will land after this, but I'm sorry that they aren't putting much effort in.

I definitely get your disappointment and there's nothing wrong with you, your friend is just selfish. Now that her and her husband's wedding is over, weddings aren't exciting to them anymore so they don't care to put in the effort. I think that because this friend basically treated you like a wedding planning slave (the bridal party isn't even supposed to help with the planning of the wedding), it's okay to be a little straight forward and say "Listen, I want to feel special and go out and celebrate before the wedding. Here is what I want to do. Are you in?" While it may not be a "bachelorette" party, you absolutely deserve to have some fun before the wedding with whoever is able to do something with you!

View Quoted Comment I totally did that with my friend group before my wedding. My MOH was having a hard time emotionally and financially, and our friendship wasn't in the best place. I told her to not worry about planning anything, and we all met up downtown for a night out.

I understand why you are feeling the way you are! Do you think there is a chance they are trying to keep the party a surprise? In my opinion, you could plan your own bachelorette party - even if it's just dinner and a night out in your area. Obviously, we don't know much about the situation so we really can't speculate as to why they wouldn't want to celebrate you. My guess is maybe they are super busy with their lives. Good luck and I hope it works out!!

I do think the issue is them being busy with their lives, which I am understanding of but also kind of disappointed about since I also was busy with my life when I was in their wedding party. I also kind of feel a bit sad because I feel like what I expect out of a friendship is that neither side is ever too busy for the other side, but I also realize that part of growing up is that things changes and we start to prioritize other people and things.

I thought about the idea of throwing my own party of sorts, but everything I read says that's a faux pas, and also, I am already throwing a wedding and spending a lot of money on it, and each step of the way am thinking about things like "how can I do something to honor this or that person" and I just feel like there's a point where I need to stop doing things for other people and start doing things for myself. Planning a party for myself because my friends are lousy feels like a recipe for me picking up the pieces for other people, and me feeling more frustrated and disappointed.

I also have conflicting feelings about bachelorette parties, which makes this whole thing all the more confusing. I don't like to be the center of attention, and don't expect that I deserve to be celebrated or anything like that, and it makes me feel uncomfortable when people do nice things for me because I don't want anyone to feel obligated to ever go out of their way for me. As weird as it is, my upset really isn't over the party - it's over the fact that I never questioned whether or not they should have a party because they are my friends and I care about them and wanted to show that care/make their wedding special. I really think if they talked to me about it months ago and said something like "hey, we love you and want to celebrate you, what are your thoughts on a bachelorette party?" I would have been fine skipping one all together and would have felt like they loved me and cared about me and that this was my choice.

As for the surprise - there is no way they are planning a surprise. They know I do not like surprises, and the wedding is a month away. They do not know my schedule, and I am out of town almost every weekend between now and the big day.

Thanks for listening. I really appreciate your comments and feel validated and heard. If any of you want to be my MOH, let a girl know.