Hi everyone,
[long post, thanks in advance for listening to my rant, please, all advice welcome!]
Less than two months out from my wedding and there's something that just doesn't feel right to me, that I want to talk about but I feel guilty when I think about it, so thanks in advance for listening. I figured this forum would be a good place to express my feelings to other brides and get some feedback.
So I'm a bit disappointed about my hen do (or lack thereof), and here's why. First things first, to fully understand the situation, I'll give you a run down of my situation.
I live in France, and wedding culture is very different here. Two of my bridesmaids are French and ive in the same city as me, my MOH is Irish but lives in Canada, where I lived up until 8 months ago, and the other one is my FH's 17 year old sister. Before I left Canada, my MOH threw me an amazing hen do that I am so grateful for, while my FH had a stag do with his Canadian friends. The Canadian hen doubled as a going away party as I was moving away and many of the people on the Canadian hen do were not coming to the wedding in France. It was great, my FH had a stag do the same weekend with his Canadian mates as a going away party too, and it felt so right.
6 months later, I'm in France, and my two French bridesmaids throw a surprise hen that I didn't know about. I was very clear that I wanted to know the date of the hen do, but they were very insistent on keeping it a secret from me (as is a French tradition apparently) and throwing the whole thing as a surprise. I eventually told myself to just suck it up because I knew they were putting effort into planning something for me and I'd love it no matter what. Well, what happened is, that we got surprised and taken to a friend's house near the Spanish border (two hours away) for a wonderful weekend.
Yes, that's right, I said 'we'. Because my FH was there too, along with my two bridesmaids, their boyfriends, our officiant (who is a very good male friend), and FH's brother. It ended up that of the list of 14 girls I gave to the French bridesmaids, only the two bridesmaids were there. Unfortunately, one of the girls who was invited couldn't make it because her flight got cancelled, and the other had health issues (which I'm happy to say she is doing much better now, thank goodness). But that left 10 people missing. I'm still not even sure if they invited them all because of all the secrecy about the date and organization. Don't get me wrong, the weekend they organized was great, they had tons of surprises and games and I had a great time, but it just didn't feel like a hen do to me, as FH was there and there were more guys than girls. This wasn't a problem, it was a great weekend, which is why I feel guilty when I say that I feel a bit disappointed about the lack of a traditional hen do. I feel guilty because I had one in Canada 8 months ago, and they did go to lots of effort to throw this party with the guys included. It just wasn't what I was expecting.
I'm also disappointed because as I write this, my FH is away on a more 'traditional' stag do (organized by his Irish best man) and I can't help but feel a little jealous. I don't want to say anything because I feel selfish even thinking it, and I know it's probably my fault for not communicating more clearly what I want, but on the other hand, I know I was very specific when I said that I wanted to know the date and gave the list of girls and phone numbers to coordinate. I can't help but feel they did it in the French style because that's what they wanted and didn't take into account the Canadian traditions that I was looking forward to and had spoken about.
The other thing is that at least half of the girls on that list of 14 are from a different friend group (that also all live in our city and the two bridesmaids have met on several occasions) but the weekend for that the BMs chose for the weekend away clashed with another big event that meant that none of those 7 girls could make it as they had been committed to that months in advance. I can't help but think that the BMs chose that date without really taking that into consideration or making an effort to find another weekend which would suit most of the girls. And now my FH is away on a stag do which I hate to say that I envy (and don't want to complain about because I don't want to hurt feelings or make him feel bad or seem petty because he deserves his wonderful stag of course!).
Has anyone else ever felt like this? I'm thinking of organizing a girls night out (not a proper hen, but at least something just between the girls, that I want) the week before the wedding when my MOH will be in town and some of the other girls too, because if it's something that I really want, then nothing is stopping me from doing it (and the goal here is not making the BMs feel bad). But that doesn't change how I feel, and I just needed someone to listen to help me process these feelings in a safe and understanding way.
Thanks for listening,
Feeling blue bride-to-be
